Home dating/courtship Virtuous Wife: Marriage is Not for Happiness!

Virtuous Wife: Marriage is Not for Happiness!

by Kelly Crawford

“Heavenly Father, Thou hast placed me in the church which thy Son purchased by His own blood. Add grace to grace that I may live worthy of my vocation. I am part of the Lamb’s bride, the church. May I live high above a love of things temporal; sanctified, cleansed, unblemished, hallowed by grace; thy love my fullness, thy glory my joy, thy precepts my pathway, thy cross my resting place.”


Marriage is not for our happiness–it’s for our HOLINESS. Ouch!

We talk a lot about “do this for a happy marriage”…and there is a realistic place for that. But here’s the awesome thing…

When we just obey God, and stop assessing whether or not we want to obey, we will find ourselves perfectly happy–content.

In marriage, we are to act in such a way that our union is a picture to the world of Jesus the Bridegroom and His church–us–the Bride. Period. Everything the Bible says about our responsibilities in marriage ultimately serves to glorify God. We should shudder in awe of the responsibility to represent Christ in this way!

If we could just get that! We were created–marriage was created–children were created–to do none other than to glorify our Creator. It’s not about us! And yet, in His mysterious design, when we live for Him, He gives us all the abundance of life!

Our only job is to do what He says, and the glory will be accomplished.

Wow there is such peace in that!

All that is simply a preface to our understanding about being a wife. Many of us Christians are still so indoctrinated by a worldly, feminist philosophy, that I thought it needful to go back to the basics…what is marriage even for?

Because it is only with a clear understanding of the purpose of marriage that we can even begin to properly fulfill our roles.

If marriage is to make us happy…we’ve got problems. Because you see, that wonderful man that we married is not always as wonderful as he was the day of our wedding. AND NEITHER ARE WE! There are a lot of husbands and wives desecrating the sanctity of their marriages because they are “not happy” anymore.

“Not happy” is not a reason to break your marriage vows. And it has no place as a measuring stick of determining our promised fidelity.

Once we get that settled in our minds, life gets a lot easier. God created marriage–He can make the rules. We can choose to obey them and reap the blessing, or do things our way and reap the curse.

So, our thinking has to be right. So far we’ve determined that:

  1. A virtuous wife is rare–we must be willing to be different.
  2. A rare jewel requires work–we must be willing to allow God to work on us.
  3. A virtuous wife is trustworthy with all that she has been given–we must be wives in whom our husbands can put their complete trust.
  4. Marriage is not to make us happy–it is to make us holy.

“She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12

Chew on this one today…and by the way, as we raise daughters, remember “ALL” the days of her life, which shoves the typical dating life right out of the picture.

Do your husband good. A verse akin to this one, that really pricks my heart is, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband; but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” Prov. 12:4

It repeats the trust theme–is he proud and confident with me at his side, knowing that I hold his reputation in highest regard, and will protect it with my honor? That’s a wife he will wear as a crown!

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deb April 10, 2008 - 8:35 am

Oddly enough when I stopped looking at my marriage to fulfill me, I found myself much more happy with my marriage. LOL

Susanna Rose April 10, 2008 - 9:29 am

My sister and I are both relatively young in our marriages still (she not even married a year and my husband and I almost years). Anyways, we are just both seeking a lot of wisdom as to how to be more godly wives. Your words are so helpful and I will show her to your blog as well!:)

Terry @ Breathing Grace April 10, 2008 - 9:39 am

The true beauty of God’s design for marriage is that as a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, she’s made happy and he becomes more holy through his sacrificial love. And as the wife respects and obeys her husband, she makes him happy and becomes more holy as she obeys God through her sacrifice of obedience. I’m happy as the hubby dies to himself, he’s happy as I die to myself, and God is glorified as we both learn to crucify our sinful flesh in the process! Is our God a genius or what!?

Elizabeth April 10, 2008 - 11:02 am

LOL! Marriage is not for happiness? When I read that I could not help but burst into laughter!!

Come ON, sister! Marriage IS for our mutual enjoyment! It IS for our pleasure! It IS for our delight!

Let’s not get too spiritual for our own good, here!!

Word Warrior April 10, 2008 - 11:08 am

Me thinks you did not read the entire post, good friend.

Happiness is the natural, ironic result of obeying God in our marriages. Of course HE wants us to enjoy each other…(I didn’t know I needed to belabor the obvious.)

BUT, if I approach my marriage with “happiness” as my end, it can often lead to dissappointment and wrong motives.

The thinking…it’s all about the thinking.

I don’t even PRETEND to be “too spiritual”.

Word Warrior April 10, 2008 - 11:13 am

BTW, the title is mainly for shock value 😉

Elizabeth April 10, 2008 - 4:13 pm

i see. 😉

meaning, of course, that we ought not entertain fairy tale fantasies of happily ever after–or else we’ll be sorely disappointed? that, i agree on!

Kate April 10, 2008 - 9:43 pm

Kelly, your posts the past few days have really been speaking to me and staying with me. I just linked to you in my blog and I have an idea for you…a “Ruby Rebel” button that all of us women could put on our blogs. I just love that term and I think it would be awesome to be able to display that that is what I am proudly!

Word Warrior April 10, 2008 - 9:53 pm

Kate–you’re a genius! I’m on it…stay tuned.

yoshi3329 April 11, 2008 - 8:14 am

wow! I never really thought about marriage that way! thanks! May I link this to my blog!


Mrs. Klause April 11, 2008 - 8:21 am

My Dear Sister,
I just wanted to share with you that God’s timing in posting your words over Proverbs 31 has been a blessing to me.

I am helpmeet to an unbelieving husband; this year we will celebrate 17 years. God is good. God’s work in my heart has been tremendous over the last three years. God’s work in my beloved’s heart is becoming obvious.

I am thankful for your faithfulness to the Lord and to His word. I am thankful that you feel led that a few minutes of your day is to be spent sharing what the Lord places on your heart.

Most sincerely,
Mrs. Klause


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