I have a big beef with a large majority of the church’s opinion of children.
First, let me tell you the story that prompted me to address this topic again.
The story
A young couple with whom we are friends attend a smallish, typical conservative Baptist church. Conservative in the sense that they would say they hold to sound doctrine and practice biblical Christianity. Which has many definitions, but I digress.
Said church invited one of the missionaries they support to give an update, and at the end of his presentation where he thanked them for their support, he made an announcement: “We’re expecting a baby!”
My friends said you could hear a pin drop. This would be the couple’s sixth child. He said their faces were horrified.
Now we could unpack that:
Here’s a couple in the ministry of the Great Commission, depending on the financial support of others to take care of them. (I have no idea of their financial situation or if they had other employment, etc. But for the story, let’s assume he doesn’t.) How dare they have more of their own children to have to pay for and care for on someone else’s dime, right? Is that what everyone thought?
Or was it more of a typical aversion to the more-than-average size of the family? I don’t know. But here’s my beef:
The Great Commission
If the Great Commission is important (it is) and is the main command Jesus gave to us before He left (it was) and our work here (according to Scripture) is to be about the business of bringing others to Christ, being eternally minded and ministering to our neighbors in the name of Jesus (it should be), then why in Sam Hill does one’s own children not fit into that? (It does.)
The church is psychotic when it doesn’t recognize the value of Christians having children but then whines and complains about all the evil in the world. (My friend, a young mother of 3, went on to tell me that she had not received any kind of emotional or physical support from the women in this church–the one they just left, by the way.)
Change begins with us
Do you know where change begins? With us. With ourselves, our homes, our children and our churches. When God’s people multiply, there isn’t a Christian alive who shouldn’t rejoice in that. And the financial argument is a weak straw man. If that is our greatest concern with other people having children to be raised to love the Lord (reminder: Jesus was never very concerned about material things), then put your money where your mouth is and help them out financially.
We could change the landscape of society if we just understood this one thing. If every church got this, and encouraged their couples when they had children, and helped them, and stood with them, the godly seed that God so desires of His people would begin to be scattered, and the Lord would “build His church and the gates of hell could not prevail against it.”
Our responsibility
Of course this idea is predicated on the assumption that Christian families truly understand the grave responsibility to immerse their children in the Word of God, to live humbly and faithfully before them, to show them what it is to live a life given to Christ, so that they (hopefully, prayerfully) grow up to carry on the Great Commission to their part of the world.
Don’t lose sight
One problem seems to be built on another. Once we lose our sight about the mission of children, we fail to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and then we do get caught up in a worldly cycle of seeing our children more like commodities and liabilities, and who wants more of those?
Wake up Church.
The heritage God has so richly offered us in our children is beyond measure! His plan has always been that we would, like warriors, fill the world and send them out to continue to live the Good News of Jesus Christ and offer hope to a broken and suffering world.
Children are our greatest asset. We should encourage them, support them, pray for them and rejoice when they come. For of such is the very Kingdom of Heaven.
To read more about God’s opinion of children, see God’s Heart Toward Children.
Spot on! We were missionaries before COVID lead us to being kicked out of the country we were serving in. We had our 6th and 7th babies in that country. While some of our friends and churches were supportive of our decision to have a large family, many were not. We received many of those silent glares and comments that made sure we understood they were not “paying us to have children.”
I regret now that I let vibes from others and the stresses of life discourage me, and I decided to stop having children. I listened to the world, through the church, tell me that 7 children was more than enough and that it was time for me to be “responsible.” So, due to my pleading, my husband got a vasectomy. I don’t know why, but it took me 5 years to realize what a big mistake that was! I was miserable for those 5 years! I talked to my husband, and we prayed together, and both felt that God wanted us to get the vasectomy reversed. We repented and begged God for more children. God gifted us with our 8th a few months later and I’m currently expecting our 9th.
I have been asking God to give us the number of children we would have had if we had never tried to control our fertility, but at age 43 I am not too hopeful. I know God can do the impossible, but I also know that our decisions have consequences and I think about that in regards to the children we missed out on all the time. Maybe my focus is wrong. I need to rejoice in God’s forgiveness and enjoy the children I have, and not bemoan what could have been if we had listened to God’s Word regarding children from the beginning. I figure we would have had 11 or 12 if we had trusted God with our family size. I always wanted to trust God with my fertility, but just got exhausted and discouraged and caved into the pressures of the world.
Now that I know better, we are teaching others to trust God with their family size, and not to listen to “Christians” who are discouraging about the blessings of children.
Your story is incredible!