Generation Cedar

I sit here after a hard week of the “throw-up” virus wreaking havoc in our home. (Five little ones in one night!  And then…well, I’ll spare you.  We had a relapse last night…”Mom, Mallie threw up in her bed again.”  Nooooo!!!!!  This isn’t happening!)  All ten of us have been victims.  That’s the good news, I suppose 😉

I’d like to say I’ve been optimistic and joyful the whole time; but I can’t.

Everyone has gone to bed now and I sit in front of the fire and it’s quiet…and the week’s chaos doesn’t seem so bad just now.

Then “tap-punch-kick” in my belly.

I have felt this on nine different occasions and the most miraculous thing is that it still thrills me like it was the first.

There is a human inside me, a totally unique person, an immortal soul with a decided personality and distinct features I have yet to know–living there, miraculously put into the motion of growth by the very hand of God!

Is there anything that I would feel more privileged doing than being a vehicle through which He chooses to bring a new life into the world? “Mother”…we should cherish the word….and the opportunity with a sacredness and delicacy that has been often crushed.

And I don’t know why, but I think of Mary tonight.  She cherished it too. Chosen to carry salvation, blessed among women.

I want to remember, in the next few months as my back begins to hurt and as the weight pulls on my body, and as I find it more and more difficult to merely walk–I want to remember that “this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,” so that I may “fix my eyes on not what is seen, but what is unseen, not what is temporary, but what is eternal”.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who forgives all my grumbling this week about a silly virus and who gently reminds me with the awe of new life that we are to remain fixed on the eternal.

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35 Responses

  1. Awww, the virus is awful! But thank you for your reminder- we are so blessed, and a little virus can’t put a dent in it. I missed seeing you at the conference this weekend, I had hoped for a chance to talk with you again, this time actually knowing it was you 😉 but I pray you are all well! Take care, and thank you for your transparency and your encouragement!
    ~in Him!

      1. It was great! It was a much needed encouragement for me. We are coming to a close of our 1.5 years of living in a 30 ft. travel trailer and I’m getting a bit itchy. My husband will be receiving his Wings of Gold (as a Navy Pilot) in 8 days and we will be moving either right before or right after Christmas and will won’t find out when or where until 7 days from today. It makes for dropping the ball on raising my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord easy to do. The conference was such and an encouragement, conviction, and fresh perspective. My only complaint was there was’t time to make any friendships. As a military wife it is soooo hard to connect and it feels like there aren’t any like minded people anywhere!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing, Kelly. This really touched my heart. I remember the “tap-punch-kick” and there is no other feeling in the world like it. Glad things are getting back to “normal” for your family.

  3. When I was pregnant last year, my two toddlers and myself came down with a very nasty type of food poisoning. It was a very difficult pregnancy to begin with and then throw on 3 weeks of misery on top of it. My daughter had it so bad that her frequent poos gave her this burning rash on her bum, so every time she went, I had to strip her down and shower her off because the mere touch of a washcloth or wipee put her in such pain. I would let her play naked in the bathtub to air off, but provide the protection in case her rear let loose again. It was a constant battle of heavily soiled diapers, keeping fluids in, and fevers down all while I, myself was running to the bathroom and losing my strength day by day. (I did call 3 doctors during this time and they said that so long as we stayed hydrated we could ride this out.) This strain of food poisoning could cause miscarriages, too, and I was already at a higher risk having 3 previous ones in the last 3 years. However, for whatever reason (perhaps because in this fallen world, my baby wasn’t “baby enough” to be a concern.) Miraculously, we ALL (baby included) pulled through stronger in the end.

    I remember laying in bed so very sick on the one day I managed to get someone to come over and help with the kiddos (no one wanted to come near us, we were so sick, but I was very VERY weak) and remembering God’s promise to me. This baby was going to be ok. We were all going to be just fine and better for it in the end. I remembered when I was pregnant with my daughter (after 2 miscarriages, one of them nearly killed me) God very clearly told me that I was going to keep this baby. Satan tempted me so often to doubt, but I stood on God’s promise and He was faithful.

    God keeps his promises!

  4. oh, I so needed this reminder as I am 7 months pregnant as well and beginning to feel all those things! I am determined to enjoy every second of this miraculous time! I’m 44 and after 3 miscarriages in the past 2 years and not thinking we would be blessed with any more children God has chosen to give me the desire of my heart……this is baby number 8 for us and I will cherish every moment…back pain, waddling and all!!!!!

    Thanks Kelly and be blessed!!!

    Alisa

  5. Oh Kelly, I’m so sorry y’all have had that awful bug. We too had it here- 3 times in a row! It was five weeks of misery right at the beginning of my 2nd trimester in September. I hope we do not see it again for a while!

    I also try to focus on this miracle when I am tempted to complain. People are always looking at my growing belly, with my 2 toddlers in tow, and ask sympatheticlly “how are you feeling?” I always just smile and say “pregnant”! Yes, I ache, cannot sleep laying down, and am having terrible Braxton hicks contractions BUT I would endure all that another “9 months” if that’s what it took to get my baby boy here! I love Mary’s response upon finding out she would carry Jesus -“I am the Lord’s servant!” That’s what I strive to be too – the LORD’s servant. For this season, it means being a faithful wife and mother. Nothing really worth having comes easily.

    1. Katie,

      Oh. my. goodness.

      Don’t even utter the words. I read your comment to my husband and he said, “Uh-uh…no…we’re not doing this for 5 weeks!” LOL I can’t even imagine.

      1. Yes, I was a crying mess by the third round! We even had our water tested! Finally, a gastro doctor who works with my aunt took a look at my 2 year old and long story short we had 3 different strains of the stomach virus! He said the reason people don’t build immunity to it is because it is so adaptable. We quarentined ourselves for 10 days after the last round because the doctor said our immunity was pitiful. Only my hubby left the house and he did a lot of hand sanatizing before entering the house from work. He also changed clothing in the utility room before coming into the house! I washed everything in hot water for a couple of weeks. We took some enzymes to rebuild the flora in our tummies and I made medicinal chicken broth that I used in atleast one recipe a day (creamed potatoes, chicken soup, etc). We didn’t get it again although it is still making rounds in our community. I hope your family has seen the last of it! It’s so hard on the littlest ones who don’t understand what’s happening.

  6. Oh, this that verse you quoted at the end is JUST what I needed to hear today. I’m 34 weeks pregnant with our sixth baby and am beginning to ge those anxious feelings about labor and delivery! But remembering keeping my mind on the unseen instead of what is seen (even my baby being ‘unseen’ on top of the spiritual aspect) is a great reminder that what I’m doing is eternal, with an eternal purpose.

    I feel SO incredibly blessed to be carrying yet another life in my womb.

    I’m SO sorry your family was hit with the stomach bug. I pray we can avoid it! It’s a gift from Satan, no question about it. Blech! So glad you’re all better now.

  7. Such a beautiful testimony to His eternal perspective. There is NOTHING I can do on this planet that has the potential to impact eternity in the same way as being a mother. I marvel as I look into the faces that reflect His Face. How can I not worship? How can I not beg Him for Wisdom, Discernment, Vision? I must never allow His-Face-in-theirs to be obscured by busyness, impatience, anger. I wouldn’t treat Him that way. Or would I? Lord, please mother them through me. I cannot do it unless I die and allow You to have Your Way in every moment.

  8. Beautiful rememberance! Helping me today as we go to another specialist to find out there is really nothing wrong with my daughter except she will not stop growing! Temporary afflictions…..great verse, thanks for reminding me of it!

  9. Wow, when are you due? I haven’t been blogging much lately and missed it. I have to tell you Kelly that you inspire me and shame me altogether. I am pregnant with my 2nd child (4th pregnancy), and I love my son and I love being a mom and I really believe that children are a gift. However, between anemia, gestational diabetes, and having children that weigh in over 9 pounds, I just don’t think I could do this 9 times. Having said that, I feel such guilt because I think that I am not the one to decide. Only God is! I am really struggling with what we will do after this child. My husband, I am sure, doesn’t want any more. He loves our son, but being an only child our marriage took quite a strain with the first child and if I am honest, I am apprehensive about the adjustments to come with this child. Anyway, I don’t know why I am sharing all of this except to say that women like you amaze me. I pray the Lord will give me grace and clarity about what to do. I honestly do not know what He wants for us. I pray Jesus will help me embrace the challenges and still be the wife my husband needs me to be as well.

    1. Amanda,

      Oh I don’t want to ever “shame” someone! And you don’t need to think me “amazing”–I’m NOT. I can say one thing: it’s one day at a time. When I used to look ahead in fear and try to anticipate “what if” or “what then”, I would get overwhelmed. (Some days I still do!)

      One day at a time, taking what the Lord gives to you. “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34”

      As far as physical challenges, I would encourage you to see what might be remedied through diet, exercise, etc. I have anemia too, but if I eat what I’m supposed to and/or take iron supplements (which sometimes I can’t take) it usually clear up.

      Here are a couple of posts (you may have already read them) that may encourage you:

      http://generationcedar.com/2008/12/motherhood-moses-and-beauty-of-broken.html

      http://generationcedar.com/2008/07/motherhood-and-sufferingis-it-sign.html

      1. Thanks Kelly. Please don’t take my words as anything you did wrong. I was having a particularly bad day yesterday…as I am sure you could tell. You are right and thank you for the reminder not to look ahead. Something I know all too well. I think it’s the disconnect between what my heart always thought I wanted, A big family, and what reality seems to be. I am sure the Lord will clearly reveal to me (when the time is right) whether I am to have more children. I do admire the women who are having larger families. I am so grateful that God is stirring us up to be obedient in this respect so that more disciples can be made for His kingdom. Thanks for the links. I will check them out. The anemia, unfortunately, was not caught by my doctor so I thought that I felt so bad because I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes. Once I started iron supplements that has helped. I think I have just been disappointed in myself because I have really struggled with thinking there is NO WAY I can go through this again, but as you said, it is ONE DAY AT A TIME and I needed that reminder. God bless you and CONGRATS!! The last time I spoke to you I don’t believe you were expecting yet. I really enjoy your blog and your honesty. Have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

  10. Hi, just wanted to say thanks for sharing this today. I needed to hear that after having bad nausea all day with this pregnancy. I will try to smile and think on the eternal 🙂

  11. Kelly, your words about that baby are just beautiful!

    “I’d like to say I’ve been optimistic and joyful the whole time; but I can’t”

    Terrific, you’re human. Staying grateful is one thing, but don’t feel guilty in the least for not being upbeat during a ten-people virus! Heaven forbid. Such things, including the sickness itself, wears on both our bodies and our minds. And if I may so, I’ve never had much patience or empathy for the few women who do make it sound like they trip through daises 24/7.

    1. Thank you, Jennifer. 🙂 How ’bout this morning, our first sick-free day, before I even finished my first cup of coffee, I sat down in the chair and burst into tears! I had been so irritable the last few days and was feeling like, as I told my husband when he came to my rescue, “I’m no good at this!”

      He smiled, acknowledged that I was just “overwhelmed” and as it goes, I was fine after my cry!

        1. Kelly,

          I am in tears reading what you just wrote here. That is exactly how I have felt. I keep saying the same things to my husband. I think, how in the world, am I going to homeschool two kids? I feel like I neglect Jacob already during this pregnancy. I mean when you three year old asks you, “Mommy, do you feel good today?” with this anticipation in his face that hopefully you will say yes and he won’t be left to play by himself all day. But, thanks for your honesty. It is hard not to feel overwhelmed and to feel like a failure, but one thing the Lord reminded me was that even on the worst days at home with me, my son gets hugs and kisses and love that he would not get from an outside caregiver or daycare. My husband even reminded me that some mothers have already passed and those children have no mommy so I shouldn’t feel guilty that I may not be 100% on my game with Jacob right now, but he will understand and he is still receiving his mommy’s love. God bless you lady!! I pray you have a very wonderful day today!!

  12. Kelly,

    Although I am not currently a mother, I was truly blessed by your post.

    I’m sorry to hear that your family had a nasty virus. Hopefully, it will leave the presence of your home, and allow you and your family some peace.

    By the way, when is your baby due? 🙂

    Blessings,

    -Lady Rose

  13. Oh YAY Kelly – Congrats! March is a big birthday month in our home – 3 of them! Such a great time to welcome a new little one 🙂 And thanks for all the great posts. It’s nice to have a reminder on what is important and should be focused on most of all! Bless you and your family, and I hope you all feel better soon!!

  14. “Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.”-Psalm103:1KJB is one of my favorite Scriptures when “with child”-Matthew 1:18KJB-“… she(Mary) was found with child…”.

  15. stevenandersonfamily just had their 6th baby today(3boys,3girls) at home (homeschoolers). Beautiful pictures at their blog. PTL.

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