Did you know that John Quincy Adams was private secretary to the ambassador to Russia at 14 years old and Admiral Farragut commanded his first ship – a prize – when he was 12 years old?
In a culture that coddles children, impairing them for life, we are witnessing the results–a generation of grown-up children who are irresponsible, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
We live in a culture of fun/entitlement
We are not taught–anywhere–to “grow our children up” as soon as possible. Such an idea actually lived out gets us accused of practical child abuse. We are told, instead, to create as much fun for them as possible (and don’t let them miss any opportunities their friends have) and to take care of all their needs so they don’t have to “miss out” on anything. All the while they’re missing out on the most vital of lessons: LIFE.
Let them be children!
“Let them be children!” Yes, I believe that too…and part of the miracle of childhood is their voracious appetite for learning and growing. Our main job is to equip them with the life skills and sense of responsibility that will make them happy, productive adults.
That doesn’t mean life becomes drudgery and enslavement! A working family can have a lot of fun, it’s just a matter of understanding that our children are an integral part of life, not parasites for us to carry around and feed.
How is this implemented practically?
- Expectations. It starts with our understanding of what should be expected. We expect our 1 year old to develop enough self control to sit in her high chair without throwing food or utensils on the floor. We don’t think it’s cute (or we don’t let her know it is and after a few sessions of gentle discipline she understands what to do. Children know who is in charge, whether it’s them or their parents. And it makes all the difference in their AND your enjoyment of life. They want boundaries, and they want someone to be in charge because that is safe.
We expect our two year old to pick up after herself. We show her and remind her of her “jobs” and then continue until it becomes habit. Each child is expected to display an appropriate level of accountability.
- Using the lingo. We use words like “responsibility” and “self-control”, and we talk to our young children about “one day when you grow up”, and what will be expected of them.
- We embrace work as a part of life. Some adults are shocked to find out, once they live on their own, that life is mostly about working. And some are ill-equipped and not even able to sustain themselves, much less a family. Tragic is the situation where parents thought it was best to do everything for their children until they were grown!
- Reading great literature that exalts responsibility can be a huge inspiration to our children. (Biographies of great men and women of the past, for example.) Relationships with other families who uphold this philosophy is also one of the most important pieces of the puzzle–“birds of a feather”…we become much like the people with whom we spend the most time. My children consider it very normal to work and take responsibility in the family because that is what they see the most around them.
- Scripture. There are plenty of principles from Scripture that remind us of the importance of living and working diligently and productively.
- Re-think “free time”. Hours of mindless video games or tv-watching are counter-productive to the idea of living responsibly. We do allow “down time”, but it is limited; and much of the “free time” is spent on hobbies that tend to productivity (Legos count 🙂 )
- Teaching practical life-skills. Age appropriate lessons are all but forgotten in a society where children and parents are separated most of the day. Changing lightbulbs, doorknobs, balancing a checkbook, basic home repairs, cooking–once naturally learned by observation, a whole generation of children are growing up handicapped in the basics of life.
- Relationships. It’s more than physical skills that make a thriving adult. Perhaps one of our toughest but most important jobs as mothers is to labor to build solid relational skills in our children. Kindness, deference, self-control, patience–these traits should never be underestimated! We have adults so ill-equipped relationally, that they are shooting each other on the highway because one driver cut the other one off!
Keep the vision in front of you…we are raising men and women who will grow up to lead the next generation. We are responsible for their ability to do so. And what we do on a small scale collectively results in either large-scale production, or destruction.