A reader wrote and shared a bit of her story with me and I was so moved I asked her if I could share it with you. I’m so thankful to Megan that she was willing to revisit a tremendously painful place in order to share with you the beautiful story of Christ’s redemption in her life. I do hope you’ll share it with anyone you think might be encouraged. It’s a 4-part series.
“Statistics like to tell us what race, age and income level of women are more likely to have abortions, as well as many other statistics. What statistics don’t tell you is that almost always the woman in that position feels her situation is hopeless and she doesn’t know Jesus as her Savior. At one point in time I was that woman. I was married, over 30, a stay at home mother to two children, who I adored, and my husband made a decent income. So how did I come to decided to abort my baby? Before I can tell how I ended up making the decision to murder my baby I need to go back in time.
In 2007 I was so thankful to be experiencing a successful pregnancy with our second child after suffering from 3 miscarriages. My husband and I had been married for 2 years, together for 7. We loved each other, but there were problems in the marriage. He was a functioning alcoholic who would not come home many nights as well as all the financial problems that go on with alcoholism. I suspected cheating, but he was good at covering his tracks.
One day I was able to connect with a girl he just had a one night stand with and heard what he was really involved in. He denied everything. We left town to try to reconnect and sort things out. While out of town I ended up talking to another girl he was involved with on a relationship level. She was very cruel to me and found my pain to be a joke. She also claimed to be newly pregnant by him.
At this time I had 4 more months until my due date. I spiraled into a deep depression. My husband continued in his behavior: cheating, lying, sneaking, drinking etc. I became so depressed that I hardly ate anything for 12 days. Once I finally ate my body could not handle the food and I had diarrhea like I’ve never had in my life. I felt so alone and became suicidal. If it wasn’t for my son and the baby growing within me I would’ve made a greater attempt. The girl my husband was involved with laughed at my condition and made fun of me. I wanted to pray, but every time I tried the pain was so immense I didn’t know what to say. Instead I would just cry myself to sleep.
Through the midst of all of this I desperately wanted to keep my marriage and my family. Although my husband was horrible when he was away, when he was home he was very loving towards me. It was so confusing. People told me to leave him, but deep in my heart I felt that it was the addiction that fueled his behavior. I encouraged him to go to AA’s and even went with him. He tried momentarily, but the addiction was ruler over his life during the time.
The joy of bringing a child into the world was stolen from me. Although I was looking forward to having my son and not being dependent on my husband anymore, the girl he was involved with kept telling me that he said once I had the baby he was going to leave me. At this point she claimed she “lost the twins” she was pregnant with. There was never any proof she was pregnant. At one point another girl came forward claiming that she had a one night stand with him and her son may be his. Thankfully nothing ever came of this either.
I finally scheduled an induction because my Mom was leaving town and I couldn’t count on my husband to be there for the delivery. He did stay out the night before and showed up at 7 AM to take me to the hospital. I delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy and felt that he and I were survivors. We made it!
My husband did not leave me or ever intend to leave me as the girl stated. Things seemed to slow down with him a bit, although there were still signs of lying. A year later he was offered a job over 6 hours away and I happily said goodbye to the area and people I so identified my pain with. I was thrilled this girl could no longer be a thought. Sadly what I didn’t realize was that the girl wasn’t the problem. On top of being an alcoholic my husband was a sex addict and the addiction would follow us wherever we went. And it did just that.”
Part 2 to come