One Woman’s Story: Addiction, Adultery, Abortion and Atonement (Part 4)
Read part 1, part 2 and part 3 of Megan’s story. I am so encouraged and stand amazed reading it, at what the Lord has done. May it encourage you as well.
“After arriving home from my abortion all I could do was cry and long for my empty womb to be filled again with the child I had just aborted. Once in the shower I would cry uncontrollably asking God to forgive me for what I had done and beg Him to give me my baby back. This went on for months. Finally one day I distinctly heard, “I forgive you, you need to forgive yourself”.
It was through this pain that Jesus started to reach my heart. I heard a story about a man who went to church, but had never accepted Jesus as his Savior. This testimony played over and over in my mind and I started thinking about giving my life to Christ. I was so drawn to doing it, but felt scared wondering what He would make me do and give up. Finally one day I told Jesus that my life was His. It was a decision that I have never come to regret. I started to read the bible, but didn’t like it. I didn’t understand it or know where to start, but I made myself do it. Eventually the Scriptures started to make sense and I fell in love with the Word of God; it started to transform me. Jesus showed me that my husband was not the only one to blame for our marital problems and that I needed to work on myself.
One change I made was that I no longer argued with my husband when he went out; instead I immersed myself in the bible and would cover him with prayer. One night I prayed to Jesus and said, “If You will save my husband and my marriage I will get out of the way and go through whatever it takes”. Jesus quickly started working in favor of my prayer. That was August 2009. Also that month my husband asked me to remove my IUD. With some reservations I decided to remove it and I told God that if He ever decided to give me another baby I would never abort it no matter the circumstances.
We got the news that we were being relocated back to where we moved from before. I begged God not to send us back there. Despite my objections we moved. My husband‘s addictions were pulling him farther away from me. Two days after we moved, through a fluke that was obviously God orchestrated, I got to witness firsthand what my husband was truly involved in regarding women. I had a friend offer to move the kids and me into her home. While my husband was at work we moved out. I was devastated as were my children. We moved into a tiny bedroom, but it was perfect for us to cuddle, cry and pray for their dad. My moving only fueled his alcoholism even though he constantly asked me to move back. We only stayed gone a little over 2 weeks.
Once home the same problems returned. I constantly listened to church messages, read the bible, sought counsel, and stayed in prayer to maintain my walk with Jesus and my sanity. I read the story of Saul being changed to Paul in Acts 9 and it really spoke to me. I prayed regularly, “Lord, if You could change Saul, a murder of Christians, to Paul then You can change my husband.” I believed this in my heart.
Things got much harder before they got better. I asked the Lord if he would show me for certain. I asked Him to have my husband say he wanted to get marital counseling through the church. In no way did I ever imagine him saying this. Low and behold he said it without any prodding, hints or suggestions. I immediately started crying, not because I was happy but because I knew the Lord wanted me to stay and it was going to be hard. I silently prayed asking Jesus to take the pain away regarding everything my husband had done so I could stay, and He did! I was able to love my husband without that pain.
We did go to church and a few counseling sessions, but he didn’t like what he heard. Every Sunday I would invite him to church, he would say no and I would try to leave happy and come home happy. I started to receive persecution for my faith from him. The Holy Spirit strengthened me to love my husband and do His will. Days where I felt that he didn’t deserve it I would say to myself, “Lord, he doesn’t deserve it but I am doing this for you”. Through it all I would hold onto 1 Peter 3. One day I had enough and I decided I was going to divorce him. I felt in my heart Jesus saying, “That is your will not Mine”. In January 2010 I became pregnant with our daughter.
Things started to spiral quickly for him. One night while out drunk he got beat up. Soon after he had his car impounded for driving on a suspended license. He decided that he was going to take all of our money to get the car out. I told him that if he did that we would have no money for food. He said he knew that and asked me to take him to get the car. I had to hold onto trusting the Lord for our needs and keep the promise that I made to Jesus to get out of the way and go through whatever. I took him and he drove away on a suspended license. Next he got fired from his job. It was during this time that God started to reach him. He decided to attend a free Jeremy Camp concert with me and really enjoyed it. But the behavior continued.
He ended up missing our son’s birthday from being drunk, just as he had my birthday and our other son’s. Also, he had gone to that same girl’s house who he was involved with during my pregnancy. I didn’t want my children to hurt anymore and I finally had peace in my heart to let go. When he came home and I told him it was over. I was heading to church and he asked if he could go. I said if he wanted to go he could get there himself (believing this was manipulation). I left and on my way home I saw him heading towards church. I couldn’t believe it! He came home from church and I suggested he go into a rehab program. To my surprise he agreed and said he was ready to go into a Christian drug and alcohol restoration program. He was concerned about how we would make it financially while he was in the program since he was the bread winner. I told him not to worry about it, that God would provide (which He did miraculously). We checked him in and it was there that he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ! It was there that Jesus took his alcohol addiction, sexual addiction and cigarette addiction away! That was in June of 2010. I never left his side as I saw that my husband was being transformed just as Saul had been to Paul!
I always loved the song Amazing Grace, but now the words have meaning to my husband and I that resonate throughout our very souls…Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. Thank You Jesus for saving these two wretches! All glory and honor to our Savior!”
abortion, marriage | Kelly Crawford | 
December 14, 2013 10:43 pm
Tears of joy! Thank you and praise God.
Wow! What a beautiful testimony of faithfulness!
I just knew it would turn out right with the LORS’s help….I Just Knew It… Praises to the LORD…
🙂
That is an amazing testimony! The power of God when the wife is praying is always amazing! Thank you for sharing your story, and Congratulations on you newest little one!
Praise The Lord! I am so glad that Megan’s life is restored! I feel love for her even though I do not know her.
WOW!!! I read all 4 parts of this and it was amazing. I truly believe there is nothing too hard for GOD to do. HE is the HEALER of all things no matter what they are. I so enjoyed this but was a bit confused as to why she wanted the abortion to start with. Maybe I missed something.
No. You aren’t the only one. I read it twice trying to figure out why she was making this choice. It sure did not sound like in the telling of this story that the husband was forcing her to do this. If anything he seemed indifferent..”call me if you change your mind” he said as he dropped her off at the clinic. Yet at every turn SHE was questioning it or almost was certain that some events would make her change her mind. Like trying to fit the 3 car seats in the car or wanting to see the Ultrasound so she could and then call him, but the cell phone died and they gave her meds that made her conk out… It was almost as though she was waiting for someone to save her from herself ….very interesting read.
As I read it all, I couldn’t help but think of all those years ago that I made the same decision as a young,unmarried and scared to death young woman. All I could think for those who would have No idea why someone would ever do this..Have an Abortion..is simply because you haven’t walked in that person’s shoes..or life literally and you just have no idea. Thankful for a Wonderful Lord who so graciously forgives us and restores us!!
Charlotte and Liz,
Megan stated why she wanted the abortion when she wrote this (in part two of this series): “…what I do remember is feeling that I could not go through what I went through before with my husband and a pregnancy.” Part one explains a lot of what she went through.
Someone I know who volunteers as a pregnancy center counselor read this series and, though she did not respond here, remarked that a woman often will go through an abortion when she doesn’t feel any support from the father, even if she doesn’t want to have an abortion.
Megan very clearly at that point in her life did not have the support from her husband that she needed. He was drinking away his earnings, staying out all night, cheating, lying. She wasn’t even sure he would make it to the birth of their second child, even though there was a planned time for induction. I can’t answer for Megan exactly what led to her “feeling that I could not go through what I went through before with my husband and a pregnancy”, but those actions of her husband’s could have very likely, I think, led to Megan’s feeling she couldn’t endure that again. His physical presence, financial support, emotional support all were severely lacking.
On another note, the PCC friend I mentioned above also stated that while Megan’s story has a happy ending, “I would not encourage a woman to go through what she went through without the support of a church body, particularly a pastor or other professional, standing by. God does work miracles, but prayer support is vital.”
I agree. God indeed worked a miracle in the lives of Megan and her husband, but for any woman who is going through something similar right now, I would encourage going to a pastor or Christian counselor, or at the very least, a trusted Christian friend who can give you hope and encouragement from the Scriptures and the prayer support you need.
Thank you for being willing to share your story. What an amazing testimony to God’s amazing grace!
Thank-you for sharing. There is nothing impossible for God.
Your willingness to let Him take you whatever necessary was key.
Praying for your future life.
I really enjoyed this series. Thanks, Megan, for putting your story out there for all of us to learn and grow from. Your faith and trust in God when things were so hard is a huge testimony and I’m amazed to hear you say your husband is an entirely new and different man. Amen and congratulations on your fifth baby!!!
Incredible story of God’s mercy and faithfulness. I kept shaking my head all through these articles saying ‘poor woman.’ When I got to the end, I couldn’t help but cry and praise the Lord for what he had done for this hurting couple. Thanks Megan for sharing your painful but victorious testimony.
Victoria
Beautiful testimony! God is so good.
WOW! Just WOW!
Dear Megan,
What a beautiful story of God’s faithfulness in your life and your husband’s! Your willingness to have your story told is a gift of great value. Thank you for sharing. There are so many biblical truths that shine through in your testimony that can bring comfort to many.
I’m reminded of 2 Corinthians 4:6-10.
6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
And parts of Isaiah 43.
1 But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
3 For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour…
19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.
20 The beast of the field shall honour me, the dragons and the owls: because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen.
21 This people have I formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise.
Megan, the Lord has been with you every step of the way, through the trials, and through the victory He has brought about! As His word states in Hebrews 13:5, He has not and will never leave nor forsake you.
You can also cling to that same precious truth with your aborted baby. God never left nor forsook your child. Our Good Shepherd loves His little lambs with an intensity much deeper than we humans could ever know. Your baby’s soul has always and is now in the care of our loving Savior.
Some of the young children in our church yesterday sang “Away in a Manger”, and I think the third verse presents a beautiful picture of Jesus’ love for His little ones.
Be near me, Lord Jesus; I ask you to stay
Close by me forever and love me, I pray,
Bless all the dear children in your tender care,
And take us to heaven to live with you there.
Megan, please know I’m praying for you and your husband and your family. God’s blessings to all of you, and peace in Christ.
Heavenly Father, I thank and praise you for the wonderful work you have done in the hearts and marriage of Megan and her husband. You have promised that we can be confident that the good works you begin in your people you will continue to perform until the day of Jesus Christ. Bless this couple and their marriage. Draw them and their children ever closer to you on their earthly journey. Be with Megan and the child she carries in her womb as you prepare them for the day you have ordained for this baby to come forth. Shower your love, grace, mercy and peace on this entire family as they walk with you, O Lord. In Jesus’ name I pray this.
What a beautifully scarred journey. Your account of God’s redemptive and restoring love carries to so much more than just the healing your family needed. It goes to God’s very nature and what He has for all of us in our own situations. Thank you for sharing.
Praise the Lord for His power to transform, and for giving Megan the strength to persevere!