Home marriage Help Meet–We Just Don’t Get It

Help Meet–We Just Don’t Get It

by Kelly Crawford

I should have probably started here in our discussion about the virtuous wife…for it will encompass everything else.

“…but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him….and He made woman and brought her unto the man.” Genesis 2:20,22

The term “help meet” is not a noun, like it is usually used. The word “help” is the noun, and the word “meet” is an adjective meaning “suitable”. A better translation is “suitable helpler”.

Adam was not complete. The family was not complete. Society was not complete. There needed to be something more, something different. Her name would be woman (“taken out of man”.)

This is where the feminists lost it. They refuse to recognize that being different is a compliment. Adam was not good enough for the task at hand all by himself. He needed HELP!

This arrangement was not just for the garden. It was the original, created design of the family and it is just as applicable today as ever.

It all starts at one place for us women: Our main job on earth is to HELP OUR HUSBANDS.

That job has many faces. It may be as simple as encouraging him through a challenge. It may be running an office for him for his line of work. It may be keeping his underwear clean and serving as Vice President to his company all in the same day. Whatever it is, that is our first calling.

Understanding that changes a lot. And unfortunately, we are not the only ones affected by feminist thinking–our husbands have been too.

I hear women say, “my husband wants me to work outside the home”. It may be that he just doesn’t know there is anything else…he may have even been taught that it is insulting to ask his wife to stay home to manage it!

(More on what to do if your husband wants you to work and you don’t in the next post!)

A friend of mine made a great point to me once. She said, “How many men do you know send their wives off to work for another man, then turn around and hire some other woman to be his secretary? That’s like cutting off your arm and getting a prosthesis!”

If families would submit to God’s plan for them, we would not only be peaceful, content families (with much higher marriage success rates), we would propser and be able to reach our fullest earthly potential!

I’m about to connect some dots here…

Some may think that I’m a little idealistic (I’ve been accused of worse ;-), but dream with me for a moment…

A man and woman understand their complimentary roles. They also understand the “fruitful and multiply” mandate. They understand the dominion mandate. They begin to think in terms of “family economy”. (Chuck Swindoll said that a family is a micro-civilization.) They live in America where earning a living from home is within almost anyone’s grasp.

Their efforts are multiplied as their family grows and works together. Children are not a burden–they are an asset to the family. (I’m not necessarily talking about farming either.)

This is a very real possibility. And while families who are already “mid-stream” may not be able to implement this model competely, now is the time to prepare our children.

I know of a family with nine children who are preparing them with this vision. They are starting new businesses, one by one, like a little miniature corporation, to be able to “hand off” to each of their children as they marry.

This is great! They’ve each worked hard to help start and operate the businesses, all under their father’s oversight and hard work, they are all learning brilliant management skills, and their father is able to direct their specific gifts and talents toward the business that suits them.

It is a beautiful picture of a modern-day “dominion taking” by one family…just as God designed it!

Ask your husband, if you haven’t yet…”How can I best help you?” And be honored to have been given this prestigious position!

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Katherine Lynn April 12, 2008 - 5:51 pm

Mrs. Crawford, your posts are so encouraging. Thank you for devoting time from your busy schedule to pour out wisdom into this blog. 🙂
See you tomorrow!
~Katie V.

Sis Stubby April 12, 2008 - 6:17 pm

I love your post it is what I have been thinking for a long time. I am not very good with putting my thoughts in to words. You have done a beautiful job.
Thank You

Anonymous April 12, 2008 - 6:46 pm

Kelly, I cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts on the husband wanting the wife to work, but the wife’s only desire is to stay home. Specifically if it is a financial issue. My dh says that he would love nothing else than to have me stay home and take care of our house and children. Yet, he still wants me to work part time (very part time – about 12 hours/week or less). I am just trusting God to change his heart if that is His will.

I’d love to hear your ideas. 🙂

I’ve loved this series and am a daily reader. Thanks for the time you devote here.


Anonymous April 12, 2008 - 10:11 pm

My husband is a feminist thank goodness. I help him by helping put him through his dream school, and being his best friend, and being there when he needs me. So I am his helpmeet too! I would do anything to help him out, and he’d do the same for me.

wm April 13, 2008 - 12:56 am

I found this part of your post interesting:

“Understanding that changes a lot. And unfortunately, we are not the only ones affected by feminist thinking–our husbands have been too.

I hear women say, “my husband wants me to work outside the home”. It may be that he just doesn’t know there is anything else…he may have even been taught that it is insulting to ask his wife to stay home to manage it!”

I agree that the primary role of a wife is to help her husband, as your post states. However, if that is true, why is it ‘feminist thinking’ for a husband to want his wife to go out to work to help him with the income?

Yes, there are situations where this can be done excessively in that a man can be slack in his duty to provide for the family or want his wife to work so much that she has no time for her duties at home. However, such possible abuses do not mean the practice itself is inherently wrong.

However, if a man is working his hardest, shouldn’t he be the one who chooses how his wife helps him? If he desires his wife bring in a little more income into the family and spend less time managing the home, should it not be his choice to make without being accused of feminism?

Anonymous April 13, 2008 - 7:54 am

I did not “accuse” him of feminism. Unfortunately, men are stereotyped as well as women. When a man and wife help each other out and both work and both want each other to have the career of their choice, and a man who says that he wants me to have the career and education that I have always worked for, and also a man that helps around the house and does his part of the housework, since we both work, of course, this is sometimes called feminism because it isn’t always the norm. I have to admit that even my father never did housework, even though my mother worked as a teacher. I always felt that was wrong.

So I guess I probably shouldn’t have used the word feminist to describe him, but that seems to be what society would call a man like my husband. I do love him for who he is, and I’m glad he loves me for who I am. And who I am involves me being called to teach and pursue a career in high school education. And God knows I’m not perfect, and so does my hubby…but they love me just the same!

And I did ask my hubby what I could do for him…his first answer was that he’d like some grits. Ha ha. it was morning and he’s Brazilian and has never been able to make grits like me…a southern gal! I told him I meant it differently and he thought about it and said that me working so hard for him to go to the school of his dreams was more than enough, and that my supporting him through his decisions on what to major in have been a great help. He said he wants me to teach because he knows I’d be good at it and that I love what I want to teach (German and French). I will continue to do these things and yes, I made him his grits! The last time he tried to make them…well…it was more like concrete. Ha ha.

Y’all have a great day! I’m finally getting to go to Church today! I work almost every Sunday…(I wish malls and restaurants were closed on Sundays like in Europe…whatever happened to that thinking?) I’ll be glad when I’m out of school and don’t have to work retail anymore. The first thing I’ll do is find a good church. My hubby and I do a bible study every day though, but someday I’d like to find a church.

Hey someone should really start a petition to close shops and stuff on Sundays like in Europe and South America. I really think they have the right idea!!! No one should have to work those days!

Oh and I do go to my hubby before making big decisions, and he comes to me first too. We’re a team. I asked him what he thought before I called my birthmother for the first time. (I’m adopted). He said go for it and I did. And I’m thankful I did. She was wonderful, a Christian, and she told me that I’ve had many people praying for me in her family since I was born. She had been waiting for my call for years. My mom and dad are exited too, and want to meet her and thank her for making the decision to give me up, although I know from talking to her that it was the hardest thing she ever did.

Sorry that was kind of off topic but I’ve been so exited about finally talking to her that I can’t stop talking about it!!!

Ok I’ll stop talking and go get ready for church.


Cindi April 13, 2008 - 7:03 pm

I don’t exactly work for my husband and he hates me working outside the home, but I had to take on a part-time job last year. The nice thing about it is that our children work with me. They each take turns and help me. We have agreed I will only be doing this temporarily though.

Anonymous April 13, 2008 - 8:40 pm

Hi Kelly~
Once again, great job!! I must admit that it was a very humbling experience when I first realized that my sole purpose is to be an helpmeet to my husband. That was something that I had read, no doubt, but just never registered.
I have always been blessed to stay home with my girls. I did work outside the home until I had our first child.
Knowing what I do now, working outside the home would never have been an option. Anyway… that’s another whole can of worms.
I wanted to ask your opinion on this….. does it ever in the Bible give any occasion where it is o.k. for a woman to work outside the home? How can you be a keeper at home if you are not there?
Just wanted you to elaborate on this a little more– I know that it is a VERY sore subject with some. Unfortunately, I feel that many people feel that there is no other way because of financial situations. I just know from my families experience that God honors right choices—-ALWAYS.
Being a Mommy to 5 girls, this is a subject that is very dear to my heart, my influence/convictions will effect their paths and I want the right path for them. (aren’t the old paths always the best ;0)
Can’t wait to read your next post.

Word Warrior April 13, 2008 - 9:44 pm


I have posted a great deal on this very subject–is it ever OK…to keep from posting such a long response here, I would encourage you to look back through the archives (working women, stay-at-home moms, etc.) for some really great discussions.

I have said, in a nutshell, there may be extreme cases (maybe husband is sick, etc.) where, for a season, a wife must work outside the home. But in my opinion, it should be considered a “state of emergency” where the problem is remedied as quickly as possible.

I also think there are numerous soutions to “emergencies” when a couple feels strongly about the principle of staying at home. (We have been in one of those states of emer. before…we made it through and I was able to stay home.)

I also have posts about how moms can earn money from home–the workforce isn’t the only option!

yoshi3329 April 14, 2008 - 8:05 am

Wow! your post are so encouraging and they really help me think as my role as a future wife (God willing). you know, you make wanting to become a wife and mother so fun and enjoyable! Thanks!


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