Hand rests on soft, round belly-mound; gentle knocks from within–tiny little feet, separated from my hand only by an inch or so of flesh…impossible to ponder.
Yesterday it seemed I didn’t feel the baby move for a long time. I’m not really gripped with fear as some who have experienced miscarriage, because I’ve been blessed to have never lost a child.
But the uncomfortable thought occurred…what if?
And then, would others understand my grief? Not that they don’t understand losing a baby, though some think it easier to lose a child you have never met….I don’t know.
But would they understand how I could be so deeply lost without this eighth child? “You have so many”…they wouldn’t say it, but would they think it?
And I marvel myself, at the anxiety that I wrongly allowed. One would think it might be less, having a house full of precious children already. And yet, it seems that the Lord gives me a deeper love, a stronger anticipation with each new child I carry!
It is the revelation of the mother-gift…the gift of the ability to bear children, for such a short time. “Teach us to number our days, O, Lord“…and our child-bearing days.
I have been given this brief time to usher new life into the world, to impact it for Him, to pass on a legacy of eternal glory, to imprint another human being and in some way, continue speaking to the world after I am gone. This is a gift–a gift so many take for granted. A gift I take for granted. A gift that will shortly be revoked.
We scorn the very gift given us by the Creator every time we speak of anything but blessing of a child; every time we think *we* are in control.
I know a couple who was infertile for years. After agony of emotion and expensive procedures, they became pregnant with twins. Those around rejoiced at this miracle. But the real miracle occurred when, after the doctors told her she would not be able to conceive without medical intervention, she became pregnant on her own. The twins were a few months old.
Now people were horrified. Another baby so soon! How could this be! What was so fragile and so coveted just a few months before had been given freely now as a gift; and the gift was scorned.
I just hope to encourage women to not only see children as a blessing, but their ability to bear them as one. It is not an entitlement or a given. It is a privilege not every woman gets to share, and we would do well to recognize that our ability to bring life into the world is not a function we decided to possess. I would think our flippancy of this gift is an insult to those who do not hold it.
Sacred, holy–miraculous. Do we treat it that way?