Home marriage Virtuous Wife: Does He Trust You?

Virtuous Wife: Does He Trust You?

by Kelly Crawford
“The heart of her husband safely trust her and he will have no lack of gain.”
Prov. 31:11
How many husbands really trust their wives? With everything? This verse is not about the kind of trust that deals with infidelity. It’s a trust with all that he has. Her spending habits/their money…her time with the children…the individual affairs of the home…his reputation…everything.
When a husband really trusts his wife, he is free to move forward, without reserve, into the realm of his calling. He knows that beside him is a woman who is FOR him. She is a compliment…companion…partner…accomplice in all that he does. She does not compete with him–for they are one flesh!

Does my husband trust me to build him up to others? Whether he is there or not? Did you know that other people will treat your husband according to the reputation YOU have given him?
Debi Pearl has some really convicting things about this area in her book Created to be His Helpmeet. She reminds us that even the way we look at our husband while he is speaking affects him and affects the level of respect others have for him.
I know I often look at my husband through eyes that are far too critical. It is easy to “wish he had said this or that differently” or to compare him with another who has different strengths. This is SO damaging! Our husbands can sense it if we truly do not admire the man that he is.

I guess his trusting us goes back to that fundamental thing: admiration and respect. Men need admiration, and women need love.

When we admire him, he trusts us. Because admiring him means we believe in him and we are thrilled to be “on his team”. He knows, then, that we will not be undermining his decisions with one we feel is better, and we will take his authority at face value without questioning it.

Whew! Even as I write I’m so convicted! How often do I “question” him…maybe not blatantly (and sometimes blatantly!)…our reluctance to admire and honor the man God has given us can be subtle at times; but it’s dishonor all the same.

We could probably break down the “trust issue” and do several parts on it. But for simplicity’s sake, we will lump it all together and ask ourselves the question: “Does my husband trust me in every area?”

Homework: Let me challenge myself and you this week with two exercises:

  • When you husband speaks, whether at home or with a group, no matter what he is saying, look at him and listen intently, as if he were the most brilliant man in the world. Even if he were blubbering, your respectful reaction to him would speak louder to those around you than his words.

  • Get into the habit (if you don’t already) of asking your husband before you make decisions. This is a real way to not only show him the authority and respect that he deserves, but it is a natural protection for you. (I’m not talking about decisions like which shoes to wear, but if someone asks you to do a project, a favor, babysit, go somewhere, etc.)

If you are unfamiliar with the idea of respect and submission in a marriage, you are balking at this post. Let me offer to you the irony of God’s plan for marriage: it brings joy and peace, and causes your marriage to be one of harmony and unity.

You can embrace the world’s egalitarian “no man tells me what to do” system, and be content with its results. Or, you can willingly admire and respect your husband and receive back tenderness and loving care from him. It’s your choice!

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Sarah April 9, 2008 - 9:41 am

Good points! I need to work on that whole “respecting my husband despite his weaknesses” thing. We didn’t marry them to change them (at least, that wasn’t my intent!). I’m glad he doesn’t try to do that to me. Why are we women so prone to that? We’re fixers, aren’t we? Another area where I need to submit to God’s plan and let Him do the fixing, while I create an atmosphere where my husband will be more conducive to listening to God. If I’m nagging or even silently critical he might be tempted to resist God, because he won’t want to be seen as changing just because I told him to. Sigh . . . This is an interesting series you’ve started. I’m looking forward to more!

Miss Rebekah Ann S. April 9, 2008 - 9:48 am

Outstanding post!!! Amen, Amen! 🙂

You’re so right about asking your husband before you make dicisions. This is what I strive to do with my father. This is the only way that we can truly live by Numbers 30-if we’re not seeking out our husband’s/father’s guidance and leadership, then we will find ourselves unprotected and unable to reap the benefits of Numbers 30.

Thanks so much for yet another great post! 🙂 You’re a shining light in a dark, dark world.

Kim M. April 9, 2008 - 11:18 am

I love that book you mentioned. Created to be His Helpmeet.
What a challenge for us to be the women God intended us to be!

Miss Rebekah Ann S. April 9, 2008 - 11:38 am

I’ve heard of that book by Mrs. Pearl. I’ve heard that it’s great; I can’t wait to read it for myself, in preperation of one day becoming a wife, mother, helpmeet, and homemaker.

PamelaK April 9, 2008 - 12:34 pm

Very convicting, indeed, Kelly! Wonderful post, thanks! And I love the homework. I’m starting on it right now.

Mrs W April 10, 2008 - 8:30 am

My husband likes to know what is going on, but he says he doesn’t want me to ask him to make a decision that I can make for myself…such as whether to help someone out or not etc. So, for me to be a good help meet to my husband means, in his eyes “not bothering him with that stuff”.

I have read Created to Be His Help Meet twice and wouldn’t recommend it even to my worst enemy. My husband told me to stop reading it because he didn’t want “a wife like that”. He said much of the stuff in the book is unscriptural. Since I’ve heard several men say that and several women say the book is wonderful, I have to wonder how many men have actually seen what their wives are reading.

deb April 10, 2008 - 8:49 am

I think that a lot of women want to respect their husbands just as soon as they make their hubby’s perfect. Of course, that is wrong. If you can’t respect your fiance for who is he at the moment that he is asking you to marry him, then you shouldn’t get married.

As far as asking his opinions on your decisions, I think that it is common decency simply to ask one another’s opinion on big issues. I am guessing though that you don’t mean that anyone should burden their hubbies with questions about all the small decisions that we make everyday.

~Tami April 27, 2008 - 1:54 pm

I could easily answer “NO!” to your question, does my husband trust me, if you had asked me a few years ago. However, God has done a lot of changing in me, and I hope I have gained my husband’s trust back! I lost his trust mainly by treating my relationship with my mother as more important that the relationship with him. Also, by being ugly in my attitude toward him. Thank the Lord for giving me His desires for my family.

Anonymous June 30, 2008 - 12:02 pm

I fully support asking your husband before you make a decision.


They should also ask us, before making big decisions.

Deciding where to go out to eat?

That affects me. Ask me. We’ll decide together.

Deciding to buy a new dishwasher?

Ask me. That affects me too.

The point is to make choices in unity, as one, and not have one half of the marriage raging inside because they were thrust to the side, their opinion not considered.

That makes for a pretty lousy marriage, if you ask me.

Which, being a woman, it sounds like you don’t want to do.


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