Why Didn’t Someone Tell Me?
You’re probably not going to like this, but please stay with me. I would give anything if some woman, when I was a new mom, would have been courageous enough to risk losing my affection for her in order to speak truth and life to me.
I Left My Son
When I was a young mother, I left my infant son with a stranger-to-him to go to work. It’s what everyone else did. And besides, we had to have two incomes to pay bills. Not go on vacation or buy luxury cars, but to keep the water the power on. I cried, but I still told myself it was what I had to do and crying was normal.
Let me tell you something the world, and even many in the church are not brave enough to say: leaving your baby for someone else to mostly raise, for any reason, is not normal. Are there dire circumstances that may require it? Yes, perhaps. But even now, I know of women in dire circumstances who are making a way to pay the bills without leaving their children.
The Way God Created It
Babies, toddlers and even older children were meant to spend the majority of their day with their moms. Even if their moms don’t want to spend the majority of the day with them. It’s the way God created it.
“They were meant for regular, stable routines, and as much as their caretakers, even grandparents, may love them, it is not the same love as that of a mother. And somehow, that mystery will shape part of who they become.”
Just having a mother in the home, knowing they can depend on her for all their needs shapes something deep within that is unexplainable. You are present. That is what they need.
I Did the Unthinkable
I finally reached a point I couldn’t leave him anymore. In fact, I wanted to be with him and my 6 year old. I quit my job when my husband was making $400 a week. It was not a wise move according the majority of people you asked. But I didn’t ask. Because when a human is determined to do something, he figures it out. And we did.
I still believe those early experiences for my son were somewhat traumatic, and affected him permanently.
How We Survived
Did we make sacrifices? Oh boy did we ever. Vacations were a one-night stay at a cheap, local hotel, ordering pizza. Cars were old. There were no manicures. No paper plates or paper towels. We dried our clothes on the clothes line and rationed our food. I sold things online. I wrapped homemade Christmas gifts in old atlas maps and brown paper bags from the grocery store. Decorated with pressed, wild flowers, of course. You can read more about our money saving and making ideas for living on one income.
The Best, Unexpected Part
Along with sacrifice and creativity, we prayed. We believed in faith that God would not forsake His children. And He not only didn’t, He showed us miracle after miracle of provision! A faith-building experience that we would have otherwise missed.
But I don’t look back on that and wish I had not deprived myself of simple luxuries. (Living in the US with running water and power IS a luxury.) In fact, I look back now and realize what invaluable lessons I and my children learned.
What You Won’t Miss
And I’m not boasting about the sacrifice. I’m sharing to encourage you that it can be done. That is should be done. You will not miss the manicures. You will miss not being with your babies and children. Any sacrifice is worth it. (And in the internet age, there are so many ways to make up extra income while being home.)
I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Paul told us in Titus 2, to teach the younger women to “love their husband and children, to be keepers at home so the Word of the Lord is not blasphemed.” I believe it’s because that is what’s good for children, moms and societies. I don’t know what to do with that except to tell you my story, and tell you what I wish someone had told me. NO regrets.
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