Generation Cedar

Here is Mandy’s choice of topic for debate…

What I want to know is why female family members get so upset that my husband and I are having lots of children (and only three as of now!). We don’t give them the cold shoulder because they chose to have only one and have a career instead! That really gets to me. I don’t ever say anything negative to them or anyone else about their choice, but I get eye rolls and anger when announcing a new pregnancy and the silent treatment. It really hurts me.

30 Responses

  1. I get that sometimes, too. I had 3 kids in 3 1/2 years and some people are just rude about it. But I try not to take it personally and I like to tell myself they are just being rude because they are second guessing the choices they have made and that they WISH they could have such cute smart babies. 🙂

  2. I have talked on this subject often…it is one of my hot buttons 🙂 And what I am about to say will infuriate some people…I’m sorry. And yes, I’m aware that there are some really SPECIAL circumstances, where all of the following things may not apply.

    I’ll say it ONCE again…this blog addresses some dangerous, generalized assumptions and faulty thinking in our culture. This shoe will not fit every woman reading, but if it does, I challenge you to wear it.

    Bottom line, I believe Satan has presented himself as the Father of Light, convincing masses of people that children are NOT a blessing.

    Here was the order of lies:

    1. We need more stuff, more activities, more enterainment–we are not content.

    2. In order to meet the demands listed in #1, both parents must work and busy themselves and their famlies in all sorts of activities.

    3. Other people can do just as good a job raising and educating your children as you can.

    (My children are bad…and it’s not my fault.)

    4. It’s much easier to live this life with less children.

    5. Having less children allows me to give them more stuff. Having too many children will deprive them.

    6. Stuff will make them happy, even if I am not available as much.

    7. If doctors invented it, it’s good.

    8. The Bible is outdated and relative. We don’t have to pay attention to everything it says.

    9. Children are no longer a blessing.

  3. Mandy (I’m sorry this got long),

    We face this everyday with both sides of our family (except for my mother who is very approving). My husband’s family is very into careers, education and stuff. They are devoted Christians, but they think we’re just stupid and make unwise choices. Granted, we are not as well off as all of them (with material things), but we have so much to our lives that they don’t because of our children.

    It breaks my heart to be with them because they just don’t get it. But all we can do is commit it to prayer and ask the Lord to change their hearts. We’ve been praying for this for seven years and I can tell you that it is just starting to change. My SIL actually was afraid to tell me she was going back to work two days a week and asked me if her only daughter would be “ruined”. Her hubby is going for his PhD right now and they need the money. I would have loved to have given her an earful about it all, but I just remained loving and understanding…and I tried to ignore the two brand new iPhones they have (not enough money???). And in some ways, I think my SIL may be jealous. Her daughter (who has Downs Sydrome) LOVES to be with our family and she would love a sibling or two.

    In some ways, I think that the Lord has to remove us from the equation. As in, I can try my best to convince them that what we are doing is biblical, but they won’t listen to us (since my hubby is her dumb baby brother…lol). But the Lord did place a family in their church that has nine children and my SIL is spending a lot of time with them. Praise God!!

    My husband’s brother and his wife are newleyweds who think children are gross and do not want any (and they’re also Christians). That SIL told me she has no maternal instinct what-so-ever and wants nothing to do with bearing children. But, she does have an identical twin sister who wants a large family. I will be interested to see how that goes down when the twin is having babies and she’s not.

    My husband’s parents think it’s “nice for us” but “not for everyone.” When we got married, I was forbidden to get pregnant until I finished school (college). I did finish (and was three months pregnant at the time)…and now I have mounds of student loans I’m paying back on a degree that isn’t worth the paper it’s on anymore.

    Now my brother is a whole other story…he did accept Christ as a child, but he is now gay and can’t stand kids. He hasn’t even met his new niece yet and she’s over three months old. To say we are exact opposites is an understatement.

    So, as you can see, we’re surrounded by disapproving family members. All we have done is pray for them. And we also prayed for other families to fellowship with. God has blessed us exponentially in that facet. We have dear friends who have 7 children and the hubby has a PhD. So, smart people have big families too. LOL!

    I hope I have helped some without dribbling on and on about our family…lol. I understand how hard it is when your own family disapproves. But remember to rely on your spiritual family and pray for your blood relatives.

  4. Mandy: I think feminist women get especially irked when they see women with many children because they feel like the “feminist sisterhood” is being betrayed.

    Frankly, their worldview is doomed to extinction b/c they aren’t having enough children to carry their message to the next generation!!

    Let ’em say what they will. Wisdom is justified by her (many!) children!

  5. Mandy, I have one word in answer to your question:
    CONVICTION
    When we, as selfish,prideful human beings are confronted with someone who is doing things that are different from what we are doing, we are forced to decide if what WE are doing is correct, or if THEY are correct. Most choose to just dismiss what is different from the norm, calling it “strange”, so that they do not have to look at their own actions in the light of God’s Word, rather than in the light of worldly wisdom.
    Just know that God’s Word never says those that are called to follow Him will be liked by everyone around them, in fact, we find quite the opposite to be true.
    Trust in His Sovereign control over the hearts of men.
    Beth Halverson
    stacyzwife@msn.com

  6. Whoo- I’m right there with Kelly… this one CHAPS MY HIDE.

    I am to the point that I will not be the one to give any such news in the future to family members who have responded ugly.

    I still (3 months after announcing) have not heard a WORD other than rudeness from my mother in law. It IS painful. It IS frustrating. It IS devaluing.

    I think part of it is that when we make choices like that, it makes them uneasy that they made different ones. It’s like a situation where everyone smokes, and they see you offered a cigarette and you politely but firmly refuse. Whether we intend for it to or not, it casts a bit of judgment on their position. It makes them doubt the validity of their abortion, their birth control, their “choices”… and thus WE become the object of their anger and fury arising from their own self-doubt.

    Kelly summed it up in those great 10 points. The father of lies really has pulled one over on our generation, to the point that even most Christians buy into most of what Kelly laid out, without thought or concern about whether any of it is biblical or true.

    Great discussion, Kelly!
    Jess

  7. I agree children are a blessing and not a burden. I have a lot of people in my family who think birth control is okay. For example a certain family member who is a preacher doesn’t think I need more children. I have 3 and will have as many as God allows me to have. This same person says the reason is that the world is too bad to bring more children into it. When I point out all the scriptures in the bible about children being a blessing and God’s commandment to populate the world, they say that is back when the world wasn’t already full. That is when I make the point that all of God’s word is still valid and truth. God has not changed his mind on any of his word from having children, the ten commandments or anything else. I do not understand why people think children are such a burden. My husband and I are self sufficient so I think that my family needs to back off and leave it up to God.

  8. what would you say when a family can’t make ends meet (by about $500 a month), pays child support on two children, but now are changing their lives. They now are trying desperatly to allow the mother to continue to stay at home with the children but the bills are not being paid. The husband says he wants to have more children, but he just can’t when he can’t even pay the bills he has with his current children. They don’t eat out, or anything crazy. The heat is set low, everything they can think of, but they just aren’t making ends meet. What do you do?

  9. Mandy,
    I have no experience with this, as my husband and I have not had a child yet, but I have to say I was really surprised to hear that you get these comments after having only three children! I assumed you were going to say you had six or more! It seems like the “norm” used to be three, at least in my mom’s era… but I guess now three is considered too many? How sad!

    Personally, I want a whole passel of kids, and I know I’ll get comments from my mom. Not from my husband’s family, though… he’s one of seven children, so I’m certain my in-laws will encourage us to have and adopt as many as we can!

  10. Oh, wow, I’m shaking my head at anonymous’ comment. Honestly, times of persecution and difficulty are supposed to come to Christians. I’m not sure that when people say “God will provide” that we’re all talking about the same thing. Maybe “God will provide,” but you’ll still be in debt and eating beans. You got to eat last night, though. This life isn’t what Benny Hinn would make it with the prosperity thing going on.

    That being said, it bothers me when people go and suck money off the church or their relatives, etc. to pay bills. If you really think God is going to provide, I can’t imagine under *normal* (ex. non-catastrophic) circumstances that he would want to have you beholden to anyone.

    I don’t think that this is the sort of “support” we are talking about. More like the tolerance that others should expect from us when we respectfully disagree.

    Mrs. C

  11. Anon,

    We were “this family” for a long time. And let me just say, it is hard. Often the situation we find ourselves in is one of our own making, and so the solution is never a perfect one. We have to dig ourselves out the best we know how! (We personally had a ton of debt that really sank us.)

    I can’t offer a silver bullet, but I can share a few of our solutions…

    My husband picked up a job delivering pizza at nights, (thanks to Dave Ramsey!) and then did landscaping on Saturdays, in addition to his regular job. He also asked his boss for a raise…although I can’t remember if he got it! Never hurts to ask though. (He still continues to do extra jobs as they are available).
    This was VERY hard, but necessary and helped a lot.

    I sold everything I could think of on ebay (well, not everything, but stuff we didn’t need!)

    I started a skin product business with a little extra money we scrounged up. (There are other opportunities for home business if you look around.)

    We called all our creditors and told them what we could and couldn’t do. They finally agreed to work with us.

    We became VERY frugal…you can always find one more way to save…I think.

    Again I say, this is NOT easy…but I have come to believe if a family wants to honor the Lord and have mom at home, a way will be made.

    By the way, this time, more than any, brought us closer to the Lord and strengthened our faith more than anything else has. I honestly wouldn’t wish it differently.

    I hope this helps a little!

  12. Just want to agree with pretty much everything said. When I told my mom I was pregnant with my FIRST, she said, “How many of these are you going to have?”

    My dh is one of 9, so she was scared. ALSO, you would think that his family would be supportive, but his mother said 9 is too much, and is always encouragining (STRONGLY) us girls to not have anymore.

    I am now expecting number 5 (YAY!) and we are going to tell his family at Christmas, and I am having my sister (who doesn’t have ANY children, but doesn’t mind me having them) tell my mom. I quit telling her myself after the first. My dh did it and now my sis is a good person to do it.

    I can honestly say though 2 things…
    1)Living well is the best testimony…most people never see kids that aren’t miserable and bickering and spoiled anymore. My mom doesn’t say much to me b/c it’s clear my kids are well-adjusted, etc. etc.

    2)I don’t feel upset or disturbed by their feelings. It just has no bearing on what my family is doing. I wish my mom could say something nice, but as long as I don’t have to hear her initial reactions, I’m good. Hubby’s family thinks we’re crazy and have all the gadgets and nice clothes and plastic surgery, oh well, don’t care. Most of them don’t seem to want several children. That’s fine for them; hope they have fun with the toys. I have to say that one day, I think they’ll wish things were different.

  13. Thanks to all of you for sharing your encouraging words. It is so hard to have your own family against you on something that is so very near to your heart. Knowing I am not the only one going through this really helps though! I am taking so much away from this discussion, and I am saving it all in an email to myself for the next time (if the Lord allows) we get to announce a precious new life is joining our family.

  14. Good discussion! I am expecting my second and haven’t had any “bad” comments yet, but would like to have quite a few more! I truly believe children are a gift!! I tried to take in everyone’s advice and comfort because I expect one day I might be facing a similar situation. So much of how my husband & I have chosen to live (& honor God) has come under fire in the past. Oh, it does hurt!

    Anonymous – My heart truly goes out to you! I pray God will give you wisdom and comfort as you face your situation. I am sure it is very difficult. My husband & I have gone through some tough times financially, so I can truly sympathize with you on that! I am praying God will give you & your husband wisdom on how to navigate this new path. Be blessed! You ARE blessed because the Lord is your God! 🙂

  15. WOW Kelly! First, I am the oldest of eight children. We were poor and growing up was not something where we got everything we looked at. We had our needs met though, maybe not on our timing, nor in the way we wanted, but we are all still alive to tell about it.

    I married and we planned on my husband going through college and seminary before we started our family. God had other plans. Our first was due on our first anniversary! We then had 4 kids in 5 1/2 years and about 5 years later had another.

    I did not think of my family as being large since I was the oldest of 8, but I got a lot of remarks. Like you I never knew how to answer them. My family was ok with it, but my husbands thought there was something wrong with us.

    Scripture talks about a quiver full ( which has a variety of amounts, but since it is associated with warrior was at least 12), it calls children a blessing and it also commands us to multiply. Multiply! Not replace. Today’s Christians have bought into the worlds view and are taking that over what God says. @ kids replaces, we do not even begin to multiply till 3.

    When people made their remarks to me, I gave them Scripture. They may not have wanted to hear it, but I let them know that multiplying was at least 3, that a warriors quiver was at least 12 and that I was following God. Once they heard my long explanation, with Scripture they usually did not say any more.

    OK, you got me going, sorry I am so long winded.

    Peggie
    http://meetmeinthegarden.blogspot.com
    http://aintnoplace.blogspot.com

  16. It’s kind of interesting how people react. When my parents found out that we wanted a lot of kids, my dad was basically disbelieving but my mom thought it was great. She always wanted 12 (and had 2).

    My mother-in-law hasn’t said anything one way or another, but my father-in-law is always talking about how hard kids are and has kind of implied that he doesn’t think we should have as many as we want. I think he also feels somewhat like he has to defend his own decision to stop after two.

    Interestingly enough, my parents are not believers but my husband’s parents are committed Christians.

  17. We are expecting number seven and kept it quiet for a while. We just started telling people a few weeks ago and I’m over 3 months along. We didn’t tell the kiddos until a few weeks ago because we didn’t want the world to know yet. (Since we told them they are walking billboards! It’s cute!) I have to admit, though that I was so happy during that 3 months. It was my husband and myself’s happy little secret. We did tell my mom. She’s supportive and enjoys the children…although it’s clear she a little biased boys to girls (another story). She understands our point of view and often talks of how it would have been nice to have had the three that she miscarried besides having my brother and myself. She’s always willing to help and even stepped in and did laundry, dishes, some cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. when I was very sick on and off in September. There are, however, other family members that we have told and I don’t think we even got a congratulations. Instead it was…”you’re really going to need a big house…where are you going to put them all…”. The one that I just really appreciated was “I really thought Elijah (number 6) was going to be our last?” You can imagine how that made me feel. When people talk that way I feel like I’m guilty of something, like I’ve done something wrong. I know that I haven’t but when we’re in the comfort of our home we are all so excited about the new baby. When we’re out and about or around unappreciative family…it’s another story.

    I just wanted to vent. I know you all understand. It’s nice to have a safe place to talk about the trials we face as we try to do the Lord’s will.

    Hugs,
    Carmen

  18. I really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. I’m with Jess here – when we go against the tide, we can’t help but express our convictions by what we do. And this might irk some people. People think I’m crazy when I answer the question, “how many children would you like to have?” by smiling and saying, “as many as the Lord gives us”. Reactions range from polite incredulity to “are you mad or what?”

  19. ((Carmen)), just wanted to give you a hug. Don’t let them get you down. Rejoice in the new life within you! And don’t be afraid to be happy about it outside of the comfort of home.

  20. First, let me say I love my inlaws to pieces. I couldn’t have asked for better! They are Christians, and they adore their grandchildren but they also want their children to have things ‘easy’. Which means waiting, getting ahead, etc. Children & money are incompatable goals!

    I married the son who got the college degree, but I ‘convinced’ him to have a large family and ‘not to wait’ (actually, he convinced me!) and so basically flushed his chances to get ahead financially.

    Once we are pg, my in-laws attitude is that nothing can be done so let’s be happy about it. This just makes me grit my teeth, though!

    My MIL has told my dh, with me standing right there, that he will put me in an early grave, wear me out, and flat out kill me if he gets me pregnant too many times. (I’m a pretty healthy chick, too; you would think I was sickly with talk like that!)

    How many children do we have? Get this: TWO! I sometimes seriously regret ever letting people know sometimes that we would feel so blessed to have many children. We came to this conviction before our eldest was born – so of course, once he arrived everyone wanted to know ‘So do you STILL want a lot of kids?’ And the question is on-going, like they expect us to suddenly decide oh, hey, we can’t trust God. What idiots we are….

    This choice to trust God’s judgement hasn’t been easy already. I miscarried between my sons – and Oct. 6th, our second son arrived 5 weeks early and spent some time in the NICU on antibiotics. My sons are 19 months apart – they would have been 20. My FIL has suggested that the reason Elijah was born early was because my husband ‘didn’t give my body enough of a break’! To hear that while my son was still in the NICU was just shattering. Why God allowed Elijah to arrive early is a mystery to us; it was a very easy pregnancy and I was very entergetic up until the very end!

    We walked through the store once with our 1yo sleeping on dh’s shoulder and some total strangers asked “So, do you want 4 more?” and when we grinned and say “Yes!” they just look shocked and hurried away.

    My inlaws also constantly, subtily hint that we should stop at 3. This confuses me because their 4th son is a real treasure and they love him! At this point I have decided that the pressure we are getting from those we care about is perhaps because after our third is born we are going to have a mighty warrior somewhere down the line!

    My parents could not care less how many we have; they think my husband’s job is adequate. Again, trusting in money is the issue here, they simply think we ‘are ahead’! LOL

    It is lonely not to have the support, which is why I search for blogs like these and surround myself in the online world with encouragment that is lacking elsewhere!

    http://www.homesteadblogger.com/Jonash2004

  21. Mandy, for every person out there who has a negative reaction to your growing family, there will be one who will celebrate with you on each new birth. I married late at age 38, and found I couldn’t conceive. I’ve been blessed with three children through adoption and would love to adopt more. Unfortunately my husband feels he’s at his limit with 3, coupled with my “older mother” age of 49 and the cost – I can’t convince him to go for more. So rejoice in your fertility and the like-mindedness of your husband! You are truly blessed. 🙂 Don’t let others rain on your parade! 🙂

  22. We’ve been pretty up front with everyone – our families, friends, church family – that we’ll take as many children as God gives us. And, I always express a desire for “at LEAST a dozen” :), though, at 36, I have only five. But, God is in control.
    I am shocked, too, at how many people speak disparagingly toward those who have only 3… I think we ourselves have heard the usual “You know what causes that, don’t you?” Oooh, like we’ve never heard that before – so creative. It’s hard for me not to be sarcastic, though, that would be a poor witness. I just say, “Well, do you want the Scriptural answer or the scientific answer?” said with a smile.
    I often wonder how people would feel if someone came up to them and said, “I can’t believe you don’t have any kids! You DO know that marriage is supposed to produce children, don’t you?” That would be devastating to an infertile couple. Or, to a family with 2 or 3 children: “You’re not done already, are you?! Tsk, tsk…” You get the idea. Most people wouldn’t consider being so invasive in such circumstances. But, have 4+ children, and you’re fair game for rude questions/comments.
    I agree with what bran said. Be a living testimony to God’s grace and goodness. SHOW what a blessing children are. TELL of how God has provided in so many ways. Our family has so much to praise God for, very tangible ways He provided when we were expecting AGAIN. 🙂
    My prayer also is that I never come across as smug or prideful. I want to truly give all the glory to God.

  23. Out on a limb — Thanks for the hug!

    There’s safety in numbers, gals! Let’s all stick together and drive ’em nuts when we enjoy our big gangs and lack of “stuff”!

    Hugs to all!

    Carmen

  24. I’ve ‘only’ two little ones at the moment, and I’ve never had anything but positive comments – my heart is absolutely going out to all of you who get grief from parents and siblings about these things. I don’t know if I could cope without my parents. Hubby and I are really blessed with two healthy sets of grandparents who clamour for more kids, and more time with the kids that are here! I’m from a big family and although hubby has only a sister, his parents have told us many times how much they’d have loved to have more children, and pray that we’ll be so blessed instead.

    On the flip side of the coin, I have two very close older single friends. One is my best friend, and the other is hubby’s sister. Both are pushing thirty, and they regularly tell me how people are always asking them when they’ll be having children, asking ‘you do WANT children, don’t you’ etc etc – when of course they are crying out to the Lord to be blessed in that way, but He is just using them for other things right now. Like some people here have written, sometimes they can laugh it off and sometimes it cuts them deeply.

    So, I don’t think it’s so simple that nobody likes children, because any older single will tell you, they get nothing but grief from people about their lack of little ones! Rather, I think it’s amazing how full the world is of busybodies, always ready to boss people around according to what THEY think they should be doing. Why is it some people feel they can order people – especially women (because these comments are directed at us much more than our husbands, and single men are rarely asked how many babies they’re hoping for!) about?

    As I tell my sister in law, all we can do when confronted with people like this is pray, pray, pray, and thank the Lord for the many blessings he’s given us – the people ready to urge us to do things ‘their way’ are forgetting that we’re already doing them the LORD’S way, and that is far greater than anything man can design or plan for!

  25. I think a lot of women out there today are very insecure about themselves, their place in society, and their place with God. This leads them to take anything out of the norm as threatening. When you choose to wear dresses and skirts, grow your hair long, stop wearing makeup, or have a large family, you are unknowingly threatening a way of life that they have been telling themselves for years is ‘right’ and ‘ok’. All of the sudden, seeing someone else doing things differently and being happy about it makes them question their own decisions, and perhaps even convicts them. People don’t like being convicted, and it causes their defenses to go up, making them say and do ugly things to you. Find someone who shares your outlook and convictions, who can support you and be there when you’re having a rough day. My dh always tells me, ‘We’re right about *insert said issue*. They will get over it and realize we’re right sooner or later.’ Just having someone tell you you’re doing the right thing can be a huge help.

    Mrs. H.
    http://www.theplaceofh.wordpress.com

  26. So wait, am I to understand that the point of having so many babies is to pass on your beliefs to the next generation?

    I sure hope I’m reading this wrong, because it means two things. The first, that the earth is going to become overrun with people EXACTLY LIKE YOU, and the second, that your beliefs will die out if you don’t firmly indoctrinate many innocent children.

    The second seems to indicate that the only way to have more people believe is to raise an army of brainwashed children- and what kind of faith is that?

  27. You ladies are naive if you think that nobody says anything to couples who have no children, or only 1 or 2. That was our situation, and people are invasive and cruel. I guess that is life. Nobody has any manners. As soon as you decide to do something (have 10 kids or paint your house red) somebody has to say something. Have a nice day.

  28. I’ve just come across this blog, through a Facebook friend who shared your link. I am still sorting through everything but I am closely reading your posts on birth control. I was one who used birth control for years…never asking any questions about how it worked or even if it was ‘right’. It was just “what people do”. However, in the fall of 2006 God began to change my heart. We had just come home to homeschool that year and then I decided to stop taking BC, first because of the migraines I was always having, in addition to increased breast cancer risk, which is already a risk in my family. However, I was not wanting more children. The following spring (Easter) for some reason my father-in-law asked me if I was pregnant again…I think I ate a lot for our Easter lunch! LOL….ad I said “No, I don’t want any more kids (we had 3 at the time, which had always been my ‘perfect’ number), it’s too hard to potty train them!” It wasn’t too many weeks after that that I began to feel God was telling me we were meant to have a little girl. I still didn’t want to have more, but I felt compelled to pray about this and explore the idea. My husband, when I brought it up to him that May, said “Absolutely not!” We had many arguments over this…I was not so much desiring more babies (even though I love them!) but more wanting to be obedient to what I felt God was telling me to do…give our family size over to him. However, trying to explain this to dh did not work…he really thought I was just trying to manipulate him by using God as the reason. So, I tried to be quiet about it. He could still tell I was upset about his use of BC and we still argued. Eventually, we ‘accidentally’ got pregnant. I was happy, but upset that it was not due to our giving it up to God, but in spite of it. My husband spent the entire pregnancy planning to have a vasectomy after the baby’s birth…it was a beautiful little girl, by the way, just as God ‘told’ me. 😉 Upon her delivery, she stole my husband’s heart. He fell so totally in love with her, I just cannot imagine not having her. We did not stop arguing about the BC issue….but he did cancel his appointment for the vasectomy because he new how much it meant to me. All the while, he was trying desperately to prevent pregnancy. Honestly, though I was open to becoming pregnant again (baby girl was our 4th), I was not desiring more right then, and did not expect it, as I was breastfeeding. I weaned my baby in December 2009 and found out in February of2010 we were expecting yet again…my ‘baby’ was only 11 months old and it definitely threw me for a loop….and my husband was very upset. The difference here was he knew I also was not ‘planning’ to have a baby right then, though he also understood it was something I was open to. He was (and as far as I know still is) planning to have a vasectomy. However, through out this pregnancy I have seen some changes. We have ‘argued’ some over the issue, but my husband has also begun to renew his faith in Christ, and is focusing more on his relationship with Him. He’s reading the bible daily, studying God’s word using a commentary. A BIG change for him…and it has changed his behavior in so many ways. he’s always been a great guy, but now he’s doing little things that make a big difference. Just the other night we were out on a date, and he said to me, “Maybe it’s good that we had E…because I’m not ready to be that dad that just has “older’ children.” Our three older ones are 7, 10, and 12. These younger two will be about 19 months apart. Now, this does not mean he has changed his mind about anything regarding BC, but it was encouraging to me that now he sees having her as a good thing, even though it was not in his plans(even though he’s adored her from the start!). I am praying that he will come around completely to believing that we CAN leave our family size and everything else up to God. Anyway, just wanted to write a bit of my testimony and possibly encourage others. We are not finished, not ‘there’ yet…but I can see His work in our lives. 😉

  29. I forgot to add….we have also had some of those rude comments. For whatever reason, people think it is their business to let us know what they think. I do get tired of the “don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are you going to have your tubes tied?” questions. I feel like we are the ones raising these children, and not asking anyone else to pay our bills or raise them for us, so they should leave us to it. It would be so great to have some support, but so often it’s negative comments instead…even from family. Also, before this heart change of mine, I unwittingly made a comment to a family member about having kids….not realizing they had been trying to have children with no success. I didn’t mean it hatefully, but I can only imagine the hurt I caused. So, I’m a work in progress, trying to be more sensitive to those with lots of kids, no kids, and all those who are somewhere in between. We are all blessed by God in different ways, after all. 🙂

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