Generation Cedar

The young woman, fresh out of college, caught the eager listeners up to date on her life. Approving nods confirmed her choice: Early Childhood Development. She had spent four years earning her degree and was now employed at a Montessori Preschool Academy where, she admitted, she has learned more than most of her classes taught her.

What didn’t come up in the conversation was how much debt she accrued getting her degree and how much it was costing her to live in an apartment with her roommate.

Interestingly, another young woman shared her experience at home, part of which is specializing in early childhood development too. With more education than four years of textbooks could ever provide, the high school graduate helps from time to time in different areas of her siblings’s education, especially enjoying teaching the younger ones and watching their miraculous development.

Somehow, her choice doesn’t get nearly the approval the one the first woman made.

“How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”― G.K. Chesterton

And approval isn’t even the point. The point is how the distinction exposes our misunderstanding of the importance of home and family, and, as Chesterton points out, how confused our definition of success is.

Ironically, the second woman is doing what the first woman is doing, only with her own siblings–children she has good reason to invest in–and get this: without debt and without the burdening monthly expenses of rent, utilities and food.

And also get this: the girl at the preschool is stuck there, eight hours a day, with no freedom of her own until after work hours. The other girl only works part-time, with a great part of the day free to pursue other things.

She is paid in boarding, food and utilities, among many other ways and is even able to save money because she has the time to pursue extra income possibilities. The other girl spends almost all of her income to pay for those things with little freedom (and don’t forget the debt).

The second woman has made a smarter choice. It’s a mathematical and practical fact. Yet not only is that not acknowledged, but the more expensive, encroaching choice wins the approval while the smart choice garners pitying looks. There’s nothing condescending in that; it’s no different than saying “it’s smarter to pay cash for something than borrow money for it.” That doesn’t mean the one who borrowed money is bad, just that one choice IS inherently smarter than the other. And I’m making a statement about the two women in my example, as a general observation. That doesn’t make college always bad for everyone.

Interestingly, the knee-jerk reaction is to defend the career position, missing the point entirely. I’m not criticizing the first woman, I’m defending the second one. I just want to see some honesty in the discussion. Feminism has tried to say “It’s all about freedom and women choosing whatever they want, career or home.” We all know that’s a lie; at least the girl on the receiving end of the pitying faces does.

I don’t know how we got here.

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83 Responses

  1. You’ll remember from Gatto’s book, “A Different Kind of Teacher,” how expertise has been taken from families and communities and placed in the hands of outside experts and The State. The first girl has a piece of paper, endorsed (accreditation) by The State, that makes her an “expert.” The second girl cannot show that she jumped through the appropriate hoops to meet The State-imposed standards that were dreamed up by experts. She is no doubt better qualified since she possesses hands-on experience, but she will only find outside work with someone who is willing to buck the system and take a chance on an non-traditional candidate.

  2. I was the first girl and I am now so glad I am the second. “Education” is everything in our culture. Thank you for educating as well

    1. I also was the first girl (pediatric nurse) and am now so much more prepared and learned having become the second girl (stay-at-home, homeschooling, mother of five). I only wish that I started out as the second girl instead of wasting my time in college. I have learned so much more as a mother than I ever did getting my bachelors degree! Encourage that second girl. While she may know the truth, it is so easy to forget amidst those pitiful glances.

  3. This is such a challenging post for me, Kelly. I’ve started typing and have erased two different comments now. There are so many things on my mind about this topic, and no simple way to state them, so I don’t know if I will.

    In any case, I will say this much: I showed this post to my 16-year-old daughter, and we both want you to know what a blessing and encouragement it was to her. She is frequently asked how old she is, and when she answers, often the next question is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” She doesn’t have any desire for an expensive, time-consuming college degree or a career that pulls not only the body, but the heart from home, too.

    The fire in your voice in this post (I mean that in a good way) 😉 is just what she needed, as unfortunately her mother has lost quite a bit of the fire and passion she once possessed in regards to the influence of feminism, and other things that can draw the heart away from home. 🙁 I won’t go into what all I think is behind that, but am praying for a revival in my own heart, that I can pass along to my three daughters who have not yet reached adulthood some of this passion for homemaking that I’ve allowed to slip away.

    This post encourages me to pray for that intensity of purpose within the home to return. I dare say there are few things more important a mother can transmit to her daughters than a joy for the high calling of mothering at home.

    Thank you, thank you, so very much, Kelly.

    1. Like you I have 3 daughters in their teens. Our oldest is a homeschool graduate and you describe a lot of what we face when we are out and about. I am always shocked at the elderly women who ask her this. Do they not know what they are saying? If any generation should encourage it is that generation who has lived years and years and can put a value on life.
      Thank you Kelly, just found you! for posting this. The Lord has been uncovering people like you for me to be encouraged by!

      1. Kathy, yes, I also wish there were more older ladies who speak words of encouragement and enthusiasm for the great blessing of a woman’s realm in the home. I have been privileged to know some women like that, but they are precious few.

        I sometimes wonder why so many of the other older women have almost nothing to say about younger mothers’ choices to be full-time homemakers, but who do sometimes speak so excitedly about the out-of-home careers and the educational preparations for careers in which other younger moms engage. Some of these older women themselves have/had careers, so it’s probably not surprising that they would praise someone who has chosen a similar path.

        Yet there are a lot of older women out there who did not work outside the home while raising their children. They took the time to care for the home and children full-time. They got a taste of the beauty and privilege of being at home, yet they don’t speak of that privilege, or have words of encouragement or biblical exhortation for the younger women to pursue that blessed path.

        Are they too afraid of offending the generation of women behind them, many of whom chose career over full-time homemaking? I sometimes think so. Probably a lot of them have some daughters (and possibly granddaughters) who have chosen careers and kept at them while raising children, and other daughters/granddaughters who have not. I suspect they don’t want to make the career women feel bad, so they refrain from speaking highly of the calling within the home, as if a woman operating from her home is a blot on those who don’t.

        I think we’ve become too afraid of being politically incorrect, that we say nothing about the beauty of homemaking. It seems the feminist agenda is reaching its tentacles into the older generations now as well as the younger ones. In my opinion, anyway.

        1. 6 Arrows,

          You have made an excellent point, something I’ve scratched my head over many times. I do. not. get. it. Like you said, you would think there would be some older women who, in their wisdom, would get behind these girls with some verbal support. But sadly, it’s mostly non-existence. Feminism has done her work well.

          1. Possibly older woman would have liked to persue a career but never had the change? Therefore they are happy that women have an opportunity to choose whatever they want in this day and age?

            Being at home is a choice, I just hope you are willing to give your daughters her own choice.
            Being able to take care of yourself when you do not have your father or a husband to do that is important. Especially when you have children and other family members that rely on you. Let’s not shame the women who do that.

          2. There was no shame in the post, Rosanne. Only a plea to stop shaming the woman who chooses home. It’s remarkable the knee-jerk reaction women have when I simply make an honest, simple point. Why do we keep leaping onto rabbit trails?

          3. Kelly, there was CLEARLY no shame in the post … Why does that even come up??

            I do not have ONE older woman in my life who encourages me in the life I have (at home, homeschooling (which was, admittedly, almost unheard of here in Scotland when we began)). What amazes me most is my own mother’s attitude. My mum was a SAHM who *loved* being at home, loved her kids and had no inclination to pursuing any ‘career’, and yet she constantly asks me if I plan to ‘use my degree’ once the kids have left home; constantly asks me why I don’t do more work from home (I do a little translation work, but the kids/home is my priority, so I have little time/inclination to do much paid work). I can hardly believe my mum’s attitude at time.

            It’s very discouraging to young mums … frankly, it doesn’t bother me :p , but I think we need to do ALL we can to encourage SAHMs. Things are tough for them in many ways: people’s attitudes, lack of money etc.

            Thanks for this, Kelly. Keep up the good work!
            Anne x

  4. I found this post on Pinterest. And I’ll say up front that I am a feminist. I am also a stay at home mom and homeschool (I call myself a PROFESSIONAL homeschooler LOL) my two kids. That is the call on my life and my greatest reward.

    It may be a mathematical and practical fact that the money and time spent on a degree by the first woman is, in your opinion, the less worthy choice. But what about in the great commission? What if the first woman takes her knowledge gleaned from the classroom AND the workplace and creates something bigger? Either of these women may be the mother or teacher of the scientist who finds a cure for cancer? Isn’t the call on their life from the Lord, as either a professional educator or as a professional homeschooler, the greatest thing that either of these women can do? If the education that you say is a great sacrifice results in HIS GLORY, who are you to say that is NOT HIS WILL? If we do HIS WILL, why argue with HIS methods?

    1. Amanda,

      But that’s not what the post is about. The post points out the inconsistency of thought. It’s not about “what if” because we could circle around that wagon all day. I actually do have opinions about God’s will for women and the slippery slope that pursing a career can be, (not evil, just slippery) which aren’t relevant to the point I’m making here.

      I didn’t say anything about God’s will nor did I argue. I made a clear point.

      1. But you did question the logic in spending the money and time on formal education. I believe that the second girl should have some way to acknowledge her achievement too – just as the first girl did. It’s the bane of homeschoolers that non-homeschooling folks don’t trust us. I blame that largely on a few people who twisted homeschooling into something that the rest of us pay for now. But to get back to your point, the second girl’s knowledge and experience isn’t recognized not because she do what our society says you have to do for your knowledge and experience to count. Folks on the outside look at the second girl as a glorified babysitter. Do I pity her? No, if this is her calling. I don’t pity either girl. They took different paths leading to the same destination. The difference is if the second girl is ever put into the situation where she has to make a living from her knowledge. Her background will be useless in most workplaces.

    2. Dear Amanda,
      I ask this in a spirit of humility, so please answer with grace. Would you please explain what you mean when you call yourself a feminist? I don’t understand how the feminist worldview fits in with Christianity. You sound like a God-fearing woman, so I am wondering if I have a wrong idea about what being a “feminist” means.

      1. I believe that feminism, at it’s core, is about women receiving equal treatment under the law. I believe that my daughter should have the same opportunities as my son. I believe that my daughter should make the same money for the same job. I do NOT believe that she should receive preferential treatment. I hope and pray that she is blessed with a husband who cares for her and her family as much as my husband cares for me and our family. But I also know that if she is called to work, then she should have the same rights and privileges as her brother. I think that the whole thing has been grossly abused over the years and turned into something that is not even recognizable.

        1. But feminism, at its core, in its very NAME, IS about exclusively women, meaning giving them preferential treatment. there’s feminism, there’s masculinism, there’s egalitarianism (both sexes equal in every imaginable way), and there’s complementarianism (different but equal).

  5. As I read this post all I can think of is how great of a job this world has done to convince us that evil is good and good is evil! What a sad and slippery slop that is! Read the Word and Know the God you serve! Linking back to the post where you motioned Revive Our Hearts and the series she did on Titus 2, God’s Beautiful Design for Women! I just finished and would highly recommend it to all of you! Stop listen to this world that by the way is ruled by Evil! Blessings and Courage to you Kelly for speaking the Truth!!

  6. My oldest daughter works at a Christian School here in town. She has two years of college experience(Christian)under her belt. We helped out the first year. She switched colleges second year and ran out of money and had to come home early. She paid it off on her own. She is finishing her college online and paying for it herself while working full time. I will say that is very expensive and it is just crazy that some of these kids get out of school with so much debt that they spend years paying it off. She has to have certain classes by law to be able to work with preschoolers. They can do this locally or online.

    I will agree with you Kelly that they can learn these things at home working and helping with their siblings. I will also agree that they have much more freedom to pursue other things when they are home. I’m going to try to be careful how I say this because I think you are a great mom Kelly and I really love so many of your posts and they are a Great Inspiration to me in my life.

    There does come a time in the lives of our adult kids where we HAVE to let THEM make the decision. Our adult kids choose to live with us and we have no problem with it. It is our desire after raising them into adulthood to be the biggest cheerleaders we can be for them. If they feel they need to pursue a little higher education to fulfill what they feel God is calling them to do then we are going to cheer them on and encourage them in every way.

    It is not evil for young woman of today who are NOT MARRIED to pursue things outside the home.I have two daughters in there 20’s who are not married yet. One of them would absolutely love to meet that man and marry and start a family but it just hasn’t happened yet.

    Even though my daughter is going for her degree right now as it will help her in her present job, she really wants to stay home when and if she marries. You said you have thoughts on the slippery slope of a woman pursuing a career. Are you just talking about “Married” women here? If you do, this is where I totally disagree. I honestly say that as respectively as I can.

    I think it’s really easy to think when our kids are little that they are just going to grow up and fit into this mold. Get married young and all that. It doesn’t ALWAYS happen that way. She knows how to run a household and care for children but she is an adult now and pursues where she feels the Lord is leading her.

    I have such a problem sometimes with posts like these(no disrespect really xxx because I feel like they are saying that these girls should just not pursue higher education at all and just stick around the house and pursue their own interests and work part time so they can do all these other things. Well, what if this higher education is a part of God’s plan for their lives and they know that. That is not evil.

    I understand you are saying that why does the world look at these other things as not important. I understand and completely agree. I have one daughter who is not working outside the home right now and is using this time for lots of learning and pursuing interests and helping others. It is her passion in life to share the Gospel. She is not honestly sure if she will ever marry. Right now I suppose only the Lord knows. Well, I will wait for responses to this as I’m sure they will come. Blessings!!

    1. Keri,

      I really don’t know where you got, from my post, the need to clarify/explain/disagree anything.

      There is one and only one point here: it is a telling sign of our feminist thinking that a daughter at home, who may be doing all kinds of things, including pursing a college degree and/or working, is regarded as less significant than the one who goes the way of a traditional education/career.

      That’s all. 😉

  7. I completely agree with you on that!! We get that all around with having grown kids..sons and daughters still living here. My adult kids feel that to in the way people have treated them.

    Our Pastor did something recently that was really cool. He always has had the college students come up and get prayed for before they head off to school. He recently has ALL young adults under 30 come up and he and our other pastors and deacons prayed for them. I have four kids in that category. Two adult sons who work full time. It was such a Blessing and it made me cry.

  8. You said the second one made the smarter choice, which does sound harsh about the first one. Some people will have to know how to professionally help children, and that means getting a degree. Thank God that’s not our only choice, like the second girl proves.

    1. Actually I would disagree that a degree is the best way to learn to work with children. That idea goes along with the fact that we have elevated the college degree to be bigger than it is. There are all sorts of ways to learn most things without going into debt and losing years of experience. Experience is almost always superior to formal study. To say that is “smarter” isn’t harsh, but honest. We need to distinguish and not be afraid to be honest. It’s smarter to pay cash for a used car than to borrow money for one. That’s a fact, just like the point I’m making in my example. It doesn’t mean the one who borrows money for a car is a bad person.

    2. Interesting comparison of the two girls. I see how this would work, as you describe, for girls whose interests lay in child care, child development, nursing, home care etc. But what about those who interests are more professional or academic? Do you think that it applies equally to career/life paths that have nothing to do with children or care-taking? How would the no-college stay at home path work for a girl whose aspirations lay, for instance in a life in ancient Mesopotamian archaeology, decipherment of cuneiform, development in the hard sciences, chemical engineering, contract law, surgery?

  9. I graduated with a degree in Family and Child Development in 2000. I have found that I have actually had to unlearn many of the worldly ideas/philosophies relating to working with children. I loved going to school and most of my classes were very interesting. However in my opinion, my degree was not worth the time and expense it took to earn.
    I was also required to take a class on “human sexuality” in which we watched a video about a nudist colony, a video showing how elderly still have sex, etc. We were also required to read ungodly/perverted material about sexual practices. I would hate for a child of mine to be exposed to these things, all in the name of “education”.
    I believe that raising my children has given me a much better “education” than going to college. In many areas, experience is a much better education than lectures, text books, and testing.
    I believe education is worshiped in our society as the way to success and happiness. From the beginning of our homeschooling journey, my husband and I have said that our goal is not to prepare our children for college, but to prepare our children for whatever the Lord has called them to do. For some of them that might be college…but this is not our “goal”.

    1. I think you bring up a really good point, especially one that really hits it from a Christian perspective. Besides the time and money it costs for a college education, college students are indoctrinated with liberal propaganda. I know, because I learned it all. It was very progressive for it’s day as we got extra credit for marching for Gay Rights. Granted, I was in a liberal program, social work, and I could go on and on (and would love to as I want to educate people what public colleges are like) about the importance of group work while we were in college and all the liberal teachings. Working in groups to get the same grade while others did not work near as hard was just a step towards Communism.

      Sure, it is all about choice when it comes down to it (wasn’t choosing to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil a choice too), but some choices are better than others. Yay to the second girl mentioned in this example.

  10. I find these kinds of posts/discussions fascinating, because I have two daughters, and to be honest, I’m not sure what “side” of the issue I fall on. I don’t agree that going to college and pursuing a degree has to mean huge amounts of debt. My sister earned a degree in nursing and graduated with no debt whatsoever. She worked, applied for scholarships, recieved tuition reimbursement and lived at home. I didn’t follow this path-I married right out of high school and am happily raising a family, and the majority of the people in our church/family circle shook their heads disapprovingly at my sister’s choice to delay marriage until she finished college, and were generally more supportive of my path.

  11. Very encouraging thanks so much for sharing this! (I am homeschooled)I’m in my last year of high school and already the same question is being thrown in my face: “What are you doing after graduation?” Sometimes I can’t stand having this conversation with people but I have to realize that many times God could be using me to open someone’s eyes. So I have to be willing to be used by the Lord. Once again thanks so much for sharing!

  12. My daughter is graduating from our homeschool this winter. She/we have no plans for college. I regret my degree. It kept me out of the home for too many years. She is our 4th daughter and the first that we have been bold enough to say, we are against you going to college. The Lord may lead her in different paths, but for now, that is not in her future.

  13. If any of you can get this book on or Amazon you will know exactly what happened when industrialism started after the invention of the steam engine. Of course there were rebellious women before that but not en masse. The book is very old. It is fragile. I do not believe any like it will be published ever again. I read it in 1969 and had my eyes and heart blessed and opened.

    Maybe do a share of the book with others who are interested. I purchased a huge amount of them when they were new. I listed the Bible verses that the messages pertained to. The woman didn’t go into a lot of spiritual detail but she stated when a woman finds her true self and not in feminism, she deeply wishes to meet her Creator, God.

    The book is The Power Of Sexual Surrender by: Marie Robinson. Not many people grasp the information in this book and cast it and their joyfulness aside. God bless you who are deeply searching. The book is/was approved by outstanding Christian doctors.

  14. I loved this post. I have experienced first hand what it’s like to feel judged and looked down upon because of choosing to be a stay at home mom and educator. I was married at 18 and never had the desire to go to college. All I dreamed about was getting married and having children. 7 children and 14 years later I still love what I do and no looks, comments, or arguments that come my way could change my mind about my choice. I do however wish we could received the same respect and admiration as working moms and public educators do as given by most of society.

  15. Thank you so much for this post. As someone who has chosen (and yes, it was 100% MY choice), to stay at home, I’m on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. I have a sister in college, and that’s where she’s supposed to be. I have NOTHING against going to school, but I have nothing against not going to school. I’m like the second girl. I work from home, and LOVE it! I have been able to save quite a bit of money for a wedding, car, house…..whatever comes a long, and I actually don’t have one single friend, who can say that. I think that’s where the criticism comes from – jealously. Anyways, thank you for taking a stand and saying it the way it is. I noticed in the comments, not everyone thinks that way! Oh well, let them think what they want!

  16. Is this equally applicable to every career? Here in Australia a career in a child care centre isn’t exactly a big achievement. Yes, staying at home helps a girl learn the basics of looking after a family, but can this skill be gained no other way? Is her mother even necessarily the best person to teach her? Many grown women these days have little idea how to look after a household and therefore have little to teach. Do you think all their daughters will fill their time admirably or do you think it’s possible some will just spend more time in front of the tv or reading magazines? Staying home goes both ways.

    When a girl knows how to earn a living (whether having learned at home to run a small business or having pursued further education) then she is more protected against the vicissitudes of life. Whether we like it or not this is a fallen world. Terrible things happen. Fathers and husbands die (and, unhappily, for Americans this means terrible debt), desert their families, gamble away all the family money and go into debt, accidents happen and a good provider may find himself confined to a wheelchair, or paralysed from a stroke. Many women will have to earn a living, whether they want to or not.
    I am a specialist nurse in a neonatal intensive care unit. I have studied at Uni (we Australians don’t have an equivalent to the American college and the cost is not prohibitive- nurses are refunded the full amount of their fees, anyway. Any Australian can go to University and ‘college funds’ are unheard of). I have more than one postgraduate qualification. My father is dead. My mother is elderly. Staying home was never an option.

    I save lives every day- every single day. I am a skilled, intelligent professional. God has given me great skills in this area and I view it as my mission to save tiny lives, to be a Christian presence in the workplace, to comfort babies whose parents are too drugged up to care, to teach nurses and families how to care for premature babies, some of whom weigh under a pound. Probably millions of mothers have children now because I, and others like me, choose to work. You might say that I could leave off work and let others do the job but where would we be if everyone said that? We’d be back a hundred years ago when one in three babies died before they were two. Which of your children would you have never seen grow up? If you make medicine personal then you will see how terribly important its progress is. Home businesses can be good but you cannot supply all the needs of humanity from your own living room. Someone’s going to have to leave the house.

    You say you’re not criticising the first woman. You are. You may not intend it but it’s there. You are criticising her choice in exactly the same way that you say everyone criticises the second. If your post is not criticism then similarly there must be no criticism of the girl who stays home. There are ways to write in defence of one position that do not rely on undermining another. Thank you for saying that college may not be bad for everyone, but in giving a general example you must be prepared for people to draw general conclusions about it. Furthermore, the girl who stays home will never have the skills of the other girl because she hasn’t had the same experience. Even if she stays home and looks after twelve children she cannot expect to have the same broad range of skills of someone who works with children from different families, cultures and backgrounds. And what about when the children are grown, if she has remained unmarried (it does happen)? Will she stay home until her parents die, still not paying rent or board? Will she then either pass from sibling to sibling, or will she find herself in the unenviable position of having to take a menial job in her old age?

    I agree that the woman who stays home does a tremendous job and doesn’t get nearly enough recognition, but would I and the world have been better off if I and others like me didn’t work?

    1. Maddie,

      None of your questions have anything to do with the post. I would also like you to clarify where, specifically, I criticized the first woman. I made a clear point. I spoke nothing about the “what ifs” of working women. The fact that I am not even able to point out this discrepancy without working women getting bent out of shape further proves my point. Feminism has such a stronghold on us we can’t even have an honest discussion without ruffled feathers and hypotheticals to disprove my point. There are no “what ifs” to discuss. I described two women and I plainly explained what happens to the second one. Why is this point so hard to acknowledge for what it is?

        1. MM — Why should Kelly take the time to address points that have nothing to do with the post? She has a life outside this blog — a busy one. She has repeatedly pointed out in these comments how people are missing the point, and yet Maddie comes with a comment that — here we go again — misses the boat!

          Kelly has been more than kind in dealing with this repeated meandering from the topic. Give her a break, and maybe sign yourself up for a reading comprehension course if you can’t understand what this post is about and how so many comments are deviating from that.

  17. Awesome post! Our youngest child graduated our homeschool in June. She is 17 and we get many, many questions about college/getting a job, etc. Her days are spent doing crafts, running her cupcake business, helping with the dogs, cleaning, etc. She has taken over the family laundry days and cooks, from scratch, many meals. She is a volunteer at our church and teaches a childrens sunday school class. She and I are also taking sign language classes at the School for the Deaf near us. Yes, she has some down time during the day ~ like we all do ~ but she is learning valuable lessons in housekeeping, budgeting, menu planning, sewing/mending, animal care, etc.

  18. I’m tempted to say, “I might know how we got here.” Perhaps it began with feminism and men giving women the right to vote. Perhaps it was feminism that created discontentment for women in the home. And perhaps it was feminism that created an entire generation of young ladies that pursue their own interests and look at young godly men who would like a stay-at-home wife and say, “No. Thank you very much. I have my own life to live. My own interests to pursue. I’ll get married later. Maybe.”
    Perhaps it was feminism that needed someone to attack and they went after the men, so today we see men being portrayed as idiots who need women and children to save the day (sounds like something right out of the Bible.)
    And perhaps the young men of this generation caught on to the rise in immaturity and are now floating in that boat and have little to no desire to marry.
    And again, perhaps the men today, in general, look at women and subconsciously think, “You don’t need us, you can do it yourself. You’re a woman, I hear your roar. But I’m looking for a wife who will pour her life into my calling, and since you want no part of that, it’s now us, the men that are telling many of the sweet, godly young ladies… No thank you, I can do it all by myself.”
    Add to that no fault divorce that women pushed for, and many, many men see marriage as a death sentence, financially anyway. Very few people men, and women, see the true value and purpose of marriage.
    So, yes, I’d have to answer, “How did we get here?” by saying the women fought for something that wasn’t for them, and the men wimped out by giving it to them which led to pushy women and sissy men. Today we have men who don’t pursue women and now the sweet, godly young ladies who desire nothing else than to live life as a help meet for a godly young man are having to wonder where their “Mr. Right” is and why he isn’t knocking on their door. So, many do just what the feminists do and run off to college or some other kind of activity because they’re tired of waiting (they know plenty of women in their late 20s who are still waiting), and the lies of this world have filtered in and are swaying our own precious daughters to follow feminist ways. Or something like that 😉

  19. I am a second generation homeschool mom. I was raised with this idea that being at home is best just as you believe. So I have been at home with my babies since I was twenty. I don’t know that this was the right choice for me but then again it wasn’t really a choice for me, it was expected from me by all our homeschooling conservative friends and family. Now that I am 15 years into this homemaker/mothering thing I have a different perspective. The women that told me this was the only Christian way had made a choice for themselves to stay home. Most of them had gone to College or had a career and then felt called to come home. And because they had made the choice themselves they were content and happy with their choice to be homemakers and mothers. I wasn’t given that freedom to make a choice in this area. I was told this was the best way and I would be content at home. 15 years into it I’m tired. I know that homeschooling and homemaking don’t fulfill me and everyday I feel guilty that I’m not doing a better job. I have struggled to find space for myself through all of this. I didn’t have those years in college or out on my own to figure out who I was. I have had to do that around raising my own kids and its not been easy.

    Please give your girls the freedom to make this choice for themselves. If they have opportunity to explore life for themselves before the babies and daily up keep of a home they will be more at peace with being at home because they have made the choice themselves. They will know who they are away from their mothers as their siblings. They will know their strengths and weeknesses and the will bring their best to their mothering years. I have heard of countless homeschool girls that were made to stay home and raise their siblings when they should have been out exploring life and know they don’t want kids for themselves. They have already spent years raising kids that aren’t their own and they are tired. Don’t do that to your girls. Give them freedom to make their own choices in tho area just as you were given the freedom to choose for yourself.

    1. Katie,

      I think I’ll reply to your comment in a separate post. Lots of stuff here and lots of misconceptions. In the meantime, you might consider this brilliant quote from a piece on stay-at-home moms by Matt Walsh:

      “Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.”

      1. Kelly, I’m glad you’ll be addressing this comment in a post. I’ll be praying for you as the comments come in on that one. I’ll probably also add my voice to the chorus (or the cacophony, as the case may be 😉 ). Bless you for your willingness to take on the hard subjects, and especially for your strong commitment to truth.

      2. I don’t think there is really any reply to my “misconceptions” that wouldn’t be something I haven’t heard through the many books, teachers, homeschool movements, etc. I have heard it all in my childhood, teens and years of mothering and homeschooling. What I am pointing out is an observation that I have seen. The most contented and happy homemakers are the ones who have chosen that path for themselves. It wasn’t forced on them by their parents as “the only way” but chosen by them as they felt the call to be home.

        Did your mother tell you that being home was the only way as you are now telling your daughters or did you make that choice out of a call you felt on your heart? I wouldn’t choose anything different then what I am doing as a stay at home mom of 3 kids and a foster baby. I have almost graduated one from highschool as a homeschool mom but with a three year old in the home I am looking at another 15 years of teaching school every morning. There are things in our life that God has not opened up for my husband and I that would make this journey easier. And as our friends would say, we have put more mileage into our 15 years of marriage then most put into a lifetime. And I truly know how fast time goes as I am looking at releasing our oldest from our home in the next few years. It makes me hold my little ones that much more. I know my heart. I know where God has me, I know where my strength and weaknesses are, and I know what I am called to. But it personal and it’s mine to own and not something I need to be set “right” in.

        What I am encouraging you is to truly listen to your daughters heart and find out what she longs for in life. The homes and babies will come in due time so allow her the freedom to explore her life and passions as much as possible before then. It will ground her, it will make her know herself better, it will allow her to be more confident in her choice to stay home with her babies and she will be more content there. It will make her a better wife. I truly have heard of many homeschool girls who spent time raising their own siblings and now don’t want children of their own. Don’t do that to your daughters! They will have their own children to raise someday, don’t make them raise yours.

        1. Katie,

          Many of your comments here are answered in the new post that is now up. I’d encourage you to read it as your very comments have only reinforced my original point, not weakened it.

          I also find it presumptuous that you think I make them raise their siblings. Again, one more feminist indoctrination. See, caring for and educating children is not valued, unless you get paid for it. That’s why you speak of it in such condescending terms.

          A family is supposed to care for each other–have since the beginning of time. It’s how people learn to live and love. But if that’s what you call “raising siblings” then I guess we don’t agree on that definition.

          The whole point (which I explain in the other post) is that I DO want my girls to be able to explore their gifts. (Do you really think our children never go anywhere or do anything?) That’s why they, themselves, are choosing home. They’ve seen the freedom of home and they’ve seen the bondage of working on another’s schedule and agenda.

          And you asked: “Did your mother tell you that being home was the only way as you are now telling your daughters or did you make that choice out of a call you felt on your heart?”

          Explained in the post that no, I was told that pursing an outside career was the only way, regardless of what my heart felt. It wasn’t until my heart broke as I tried to do both that I quit my job, facing utter opposition even at that point. Yes, I want my daughters to have the freedom to choose. The freedom to choose to say “no” to what almost everyone else expects them to do. Read the post:

    2. Katie,

      I originally misunderstood the point Kelly was trying to get across.I think what she was really trying to say in her post was basically..Why do those around us and yes even in Christian circles, make such a big deal and emphasis on those who choose to go away to college and not understand or think it’s okay for those who stay home, work, or go to school locally,maybe part time or pursue other interests.

      I just want to encourage you now to try to see the “big picture”, regardless of how old you were when you got married and started having children. You have them now. Parenting is hard and tiring when we have little kids. It’s just plain exhausting most days. Those little kids of yours are going to be grown before you know it! I know because I’m there now. I didn’t go to college. I hadn’t planned on homeschooling my children.

      Sometimes it’s so easy to look at other women’s lives and think that you “missed” out on something. Sounds like you need some good encouragement and some good time with the Lord. Make that time for yourself with the Lord before anything else. It’s like recharging batteries.

      Five of my children are grown now. It goes by so fast. Don’t waste time thinking you missed out on something when you can make the most of the time you have now. The time will go in a blink of an eye.

      My prayers are with you!

      1. There is so much wisdom in your reply, Keri. I loved this: “Don’t waste time thinking you missed out on something when you can make the most of the time you have now. The time will go in a blink of an eye.” So true. And thank you for the important reminder to make the best of MY time now.

        Blessings to you, Keri.

    3. Katie,
      I am sorry that you have been hurt and feel you didn’t have a choice. I pray that you will find happiness in the beauty all around you and the ability to enjoy the life you are living. There are many women who would envy you.

  20. What a beautiful post! I wish I could print this out and pass it out to everyone. It saddens me to see what our society has become. I mourn for my children, that they will not grow up in a country that feared God and had family values. Thank you so much for having the courage to post this. I wish more people would have the strength to do so. Many blessings, Lisa

  21. This is normally something I would be all about. However, I found this post surprisingly hurtful to me. Possibly because I myself am an Early Childhood Education major at a loving Christian college where my parents also went. I guess I got the impression that Girl 1 is the “bad guy” and she is also the one going to college for an education degree. I completely understand get the point you are trying to make: that girls who stay home don’t get the recognition of college educated girls. I’m sorry it is that way. I feel as if your scenario fails to realize that not every girl is in a situation where staying home and acquiring her desired education is a realistic option. In my situation, I have one sister who will be graduating this year and my father works for the Air Force so I am unable to help him with his job. May I bring to your attention that not all girls go to college out of spite for their family or for a desire to be raving feminists or going deep into debt?
    My father and mother both modeled the biblical Christian home, while still having a college education. In fact, my mother even stayed home with us even though she studied Home Economics- a degree she has used since graduating whether at home or working part time with home senior care.
    I see almost a reversal of who is “bad guy” in the “stay-at-home-daughter” circle. Outside the circle it is those families who are called out, while inside the circle it is the families on the outside who are pointed out. It is my deepest prayer that we can all have grace and mercy towards one another, no matter what our education choices are.

    1. Libby,

      I am sorry you felt hurt by the post, but there isn’t anything in the post to blame for your feelings. There is no pitting one against the other, and I went out of my way to say that.

      I do find it very interesting, though, that I can’t make a simple defense of the stay-at-home choice without working women getting their feelings hurt. Makes me wonder what is really going on at the heart of this issue.

      My sister is the director at a Christian school (daycare-middle school) and I love her and this post isn’t about how she is “bad.” Most of the women in my family have degrees and work outside the home. I love them and don’t think they are bad.

      Nor should you infer things that aren’t written here. Perhaps if you would read it aside from your personal experience it would be easier for you to grasp the important point being made.

      Stay tuned, by the way, for another post that unpacks some of this confusion.

      1. Miss Kelly and Miss Keri,

        Thank you both 🙂

        Thank you, Kelly, for sharing your personal story about your family members! And I do understand what your point is.

        And, yes, Keri, my comment was mostly in response to some of the other comments!

        I just wanted to offer the idea that many girls who go to college actually do love their families very much and are committed to being Godly helpmeets, homemakers, and mothers one day! In fact, i am very excited about my education in education 😉 that will give me more confidence in homeschooling my own children if the Lord blesses me with motherhood.

        Anyway, I won’t elaborate any further because this is becoming unrelated to the original post! 😉

        Blessings to you both!

  22. I think a lot of people are missing the point of Kelly’s post. I can give you some great examples of what she is talking about. I work in a pharmacy as a pharmacy technician and I make great money! I did not get a college degree. However, several of the ladies I work with do have degrees (not in pharmacy) that they are paying dearly for. One has a degree in accounting and she works with me counting pills and dealing with insurance, the other lady works at the checkout and she has a degree in criminal justice! The first lady who works with me hasn’t even been able to buy a house yet because of debt. A college degree has been placed on a pedestal as being something it is not. I know you need a degree if you want to be a doctor-I understand that but so many jobs can be had without going to college and going into debt. All three of my children haven’t went to college and I’m so glad they made those choices and by the way THEY made that choice because they felt it was the best thing for them.

    1. Beth, That is great that you are able to work at your job without a degree. I agree that the debt from college can be crazy! Personally, my daughter had to have by law some classes that were required. She knew how ridiculous some of the classes were and was not scarred. She is simply finishing her degree online so she can continue working(she loves the kids and makes a huge difference there).

      I understand the point that Kelly was making but I have to say that I agree with Libby that all girls don’t go to college because they are feminists or out of spite. I know that’s not what Kelly was saying here but some of those responses..Whew!!Drove me nuts!!

  23. My apologies for the late response. We have terrible bushfires here in Australia, firefronts 1500km across, only a few km from where I live. Please pray for the hundreds who have lost their homes.

    You say that you don’t criticise and you don’t do it unkindly or cruelly. You clearly have no intention to hurt anyone- and I don’t believe this post would. I want to make it clear that I am not upset over it. You make a public statement and you allow for debate. I am merely offering my experience of the other side of the debate.
    Allow me to address your response.

    You said: “None of your questions have anything to do with the post.”
    I asked:
    -Is this equally applicable to every career?
    -Is staying home best for girls who will not use their time to good effect (i.e. for all women)?
    -Would I, in my particular example, have been better staying home? Do I not do a job that benefits the world? Should any women work?
    -What happens to older women who have stayed at home and have not married?
    As your post is a comparison of working women and women who stay home with their families I should have thought all these questions were relevant. Well, clearly I did. 🙂 Even if they are not relevant I would still like to hear your answers.

    You said: “I would also like you to clarify where, specifically, I criticized the first woman. I made a clear point. I spoke nothing about the “what ifs” of working women.” – You are not unkind, you do not mock or malign but you do make a comparison and in your view it is unfavourable, just as you say the world makes a comparison and finds it unfavourable.

    The word criticism is from a Greek word meaning ‘to judge’ and is defined as ‘the act of making judgements; analysis of qualities and evaluation of comparative worth.’ Isn’t this what we are both doing? If you wished to make your point to merely defend the second woman then you should have left out all reference to the other. Fully half your post is about the disadvantages of work. You could have spoken about the benefits of being at home, the benefits of time and loving family and memories that can never be replaced and a dozen other things. You didn’t need to undermine the other side in order to make your point. I don’t believe that I have in any way spoken against women who stay at home. In fact, in the main I am in favour of it. What I question is whether it is best for every woman.

    As for not speaking about ‘what if’s, wasn’t that what the whole post was about? A hypothetical (i.e. ‘what if’) example contrasting the experiences of women who do and do not work and the social acceptance of their choices? If it was a true story then you should have said so and I would have commiserated with your experience.

    You said: “The fact that I am not even able to point out this discrepancy without working women getting bent out of shape further proves my point.” –Are you not ‘bent out of shape’ (and I would prefer not to use the term) over the way you perceive women at home to be treated? Isn’t it right to get ‘bent out of shape’ over some things?

    You said: “Feminism has such a stronghold on us we can’t even have an honest discussion without ruffled feathers and hypotheticals to disprove my point.” – As I said above, is this whole post not a hypothetical? My views are not the same as yours and I am sharing them the same way you are. That doesn’t mean that I am angry. I state my particular example because it is the one I am most familiar with. I wanted you to see the human side on the other side of the debate. My feathers are not ruffled. I use gel:) 

    You said: “There are no “what ifs” to discuss. I described two women and I plainly explained what happens to the second one. Why is this point so hard to acknowledge for what it is?” – You started the what if-ing. Are you the only one allowed? My ‘what if’s are part of what is called Socratic Reasoning and I should have thought all homeschoolers would use that method (by the way, I, too, would homeschool my children). You take a statement- a hypothesis. You discuss it from all angles. You apply it to a different situation and see if it still fits. If not, then you amend the original statement. You repeat the exercise until you have a critical (see? It can be a good thing), reasoned, factual response to a question.

    Thank you for your time and prompt response,

    1. Maddie,

      I’m sorry about the tragedy of the fires and I pray for your safety.

      I still disagree that I’ve violated “Socratic reasoning” in this thread. For my example, there aren’t sides. There is only a statement about the paradigm of thought regarding women who choose a home career and the example of the first woman was necessary to make the point I made. It would be impossible to only speak of the second woman to make the same point. Nor did I undermine her. I included only facts. She’s in debt and she has more expense than the second woman. Those aren’t undermining.

      This is really simple, and you’ve made it complicated.

      Now, can we have a discussion about the topics you bring up? Sure. But don’t pretend I’m obligated to answer your questions as a defense of my post or that I’m not intelligent enough to discuss it. Your topics are valid, but not related to the point I made.

      I *think* you want me to answer all the “what ifs” that you ask, and I can’t. For one thing, we live in a society where women have been in the workforce for decades. So while I believe it is ideal for women with families to be home, it would be impossible if every woman decided to quit tomorrow.

      As I mentioned in my newest post ( I think there are seasons of life where women are freer for outside pursuits.

      There isn’t any question that career women might do really fabulous things. That’s never been a question. I admire your job. My sister in law, whom I love dearly, is a cardiac specialist nurse, though she only works a few days a week. I’m not angry at working women or think they are bad.

      I write in an effort to express my Christian viewpoint of women AND to express what I believe is best for society. As I’ve quoted Matt Walsh several times, his statement rings true: “To acknowledge women have to work is one thing, but to pretend that is ideal is mad.”

      As long as we pretend that children are just as well off with moms leaving them in day care to pursue a career, we will continue to suffer the consequences. It’s not about dissecting every situation and every circumstances, it’s a general idea that we need to embrace that will strengthen the family ultimately.

  24. I absolutely *love* this post. It inspired me to start a new board on Pinterest, “Recovering from Feminism.” My blog deals with wellness, and I usually stick to the more physical side of wellness. But I do not believe emotional wellness is fully possible for women and their families as long as they are in the grip of feminist thinking. Feminism, I now see, is incredibly anti-woman and anti-family.

    I spent my early adulthood in college, submitting to the will of my parents. How I wish their will for me had been to help one of the larger families we knew with young children! I would have been *so* much better prepared for marriage and motherhood!

    While I cannot go back and change the past, I am so grateful that my teen daughters now know so much more than I did about how to run a home or be a mom. The 29 year old newlywed me knew so much less than they do now, at 15 and 17. Sigh. But I am so grateful that they get the fact that a degree or certificate is insignificant compared to being in God’s will, and doing His work, whatever that may be for their age and stage.

    Kelly, you have such a gift for putting into words what should be obvious to all, but sadly is not. Thank you so much for another wonderful post!

  25. Kelly, throughout these comments you keep being surprised at readers’ interpretation of this article as being dismissive or negative toward a college education. You deny this and state that it is simply a defense of the girl at home. I respectfully disagree.

    In the article, you use negative words in regard to the college-educated girl: debt, stuck, no freedom, etc. You then try to say you’re not criticizing the first girl. This is where many find the disconnect. If you’re not criticizing her, why paint her experience so dismally? None of the words you used or scenarios you painted describe my or my friends’ college experiences or single years leading up marriage and full-time motherhood.

    If you’re not criticizing the first girl, why use the word “smarter” to define the second girl’s choice? At best, you are painting two pictures which can be defined as equally valuable, not smarter vs. dumber (which is the opinion we’re to infer you have of the first girl’s decision when you use the word “smarter” for the second).

    I understand the desire to defend life at home, but please be aware that there is a biased tone to your writing – whether you are willing to acknowledge it or not.

    1. Ellen,

      Honest question: is there bias in my tone, or is there truly a negative aspect to the college/career route that I’ve simply been honest about?

      Consider this: 2 people bought a car. One borrowed money and one saved up and paid cash. There is a “smarter choice” in that equation. Doesn’t make the borrower a bad person, it’s just a simple fact.

      We have just been conditioned to be careful what we say, even if it masks the truth, in order to not make people feel bad for a particular choice.

      There was a very specific reason I contrasted the two the way I did. It’s to reveal the irony. The girl that is praised by society is in fact “stuck” at one place for a certain number of hours a day. That should be negative because feminism is the one yelling “freedom” but they refuse to recognize this submission required by any employer. I chose that word because that’s the word often used to refer to stay-at-home moms…”stuck at home.”

      The whole thing is meant to be a flip-flop of scenarios to help us see some things from a different perspective.

      I used “smarter” simply because of the debt/no debt scenario, just like the car story. Just like I’m not afraid to say that celery is healthier than french fries. We have got to stop being afraid of the truth. (“How dare you make me feel bad for choosing fries!” See how silly it really is?)

      Once upon a time it was disgrace to borrow money for anything. Now we can’t even say it’s “less smart.”

      I’d like to see someone who disagrees with my basic philosophy and still recognize what I’m saying is logical. It would give me a little hope that we haven’t totally lost our basic comprehension skills.

      1. Kelly, thank you for your reply. According to this explanation, your “smarter” evaluation is based on the girls’ financial situations. I think that could’ve been clarified a bit more in the article, so that’s where some of the misinterpretation is coming from.

        I didn’t go into debt for college, and neither did many of my friends. Through a combination of scholarships, parental contributions, frugal college living, and a lot of hard work, many of us graduated debt-free. Many of those who did accrue debt still appreciated their college experiences for the social, educational, and spiritual value, and, therefore, see it as an investment.

        The question I have is this: removing the negatives associated with the first girl in your scenario (college debt, job dissatisfaction, feeling a lack of freedom, etc.), do you have any reservations or concerns about a woman earning a college degree?

  26. I donot see how you can call this feminist lies. I donot believe that woman and man are the same, i did believe that feminists were evil. Until last month I had to help my great aunt of 92 move in a old people home. She has 8 children, none of wich helped. The reason: the feel she should have left her husband!

    I invited al 9 of them for tea…and let auntie tell how it was. She was sent to work when she was 12. The money she made went to her parents. She got room and boarding. When she was 17 she maried a man who was a church go-er like her selve. She was 18 when she had her first child. Her husband became a leader in church. And hit his wife and her children on a day to day bases.

    Why didnot you leave the children asked. Woman had no place to go. My parents didnot want meback, not with a child attached. It would bring shame to the family. And there was no welfare. I had no education so i wouldnot be able to get a job. Basicly i was trapped. I couldnot provide for you otherwise my auntie said.

    Then why have so much children? the kids asked. You see, auntie said, there was no birth control. Had there bee, i would have stopped having children the first time he hit me. But there was no pill or someting.

    And auntie told: when i was a young girl, woman could not vote. So they had no political influence. The moment you maried, for the law you and you belongings were property of the husband. As were the kids. You had nothing to see about yourselve, your belogings or your kids..
    then the feminists came. They gave us right to vote. They gave us the right to wellfare and allomony when we divorced, they gave us the right to keep the children after a divorce..

    and why i didnot divorce then? It was in the sixties. I was end 40, startin 50… most of you were on your way in the world, and what would i do alone, with no education and sisters in the same situation? I did not want to bother you for everything…

    But i a, gratefull for those feminists. You boys know you cannot hit a lady, you girls have a way out. And when your dad hit me for the last time in 1980, he slept in jail.

    Sure there a negative things from feminism, like abortion and woman basicly are forced to work.That however, said auntie is mostly the work of woman who want to be men, and men who think the can profit from woman, abuse them in another way than that they did before.

    Well so far the feminists.

    by the way i really donot know how people get such a large study dept. I studied, but worked next to it. Got my degree and no debt..
    And took care of my ill parents next to it.

  27. I just want to ad that before the second world war, and even after, it was common for girls (and boys) of working class families to go to work age 12. Staying at home was not an option. Their parents needed the money to feed the large and growing family…

    Middle class girls went to school a bit longer and then ended up yes working…either in their fathers business or as a secretary..

    Only the daughters of the rich stayed home….and found themselve doing nothing usefull because the servants (the girls frm working class families) did that. A pitty that was.

  28. I have multiple college degrees. I am obtaining yet another in electrical engineering. Lifelong leaning is a passion of mine. In my world, there is no happier place than spending time learning in college. I find it hilarious when I hear that people feel that college “indoctrinates” people. When I take a physics class, we lean physics.. When I take a chemistry class, we learn chemistry. I have attended 6 colleges, ranging for private universities to state schools in two different states. I have studied topics ranging from fine arts to the hardest of sciences–and not once was any sort of political influence brought up. Granted, I never studied political science; of course a class in such a topic would bring up political debate.

    Reducing the human mind to only study a limited amount of subjects is doing yourself a great disservice. The human mind is capable of amazing feats. I love every second of my job. I get to combine art and science to create wonderful things. Personally, I would die as a stay at home. My mother was a genius at math and science. She majored in physics and was at the top of her class. She was miserable as a house wife. My father literally worked himself to death. All of our lives would have been much happier had she worked outside of the home. She should have been designing engines for space shuttles. My father would have been able to enjoy life. Both of my parents died at a really young age. I will not repeat their mistake.

    People have different goals, different means of achieving happiness.. If being a home maker truly makes you happy–that is amazing. Working to be able to design circuit boards is what makes me happy. Studying kinesiology, math, fine art, dance, music, anatomy and physiology all bring me complete and utter bliss. You would be amazed the things you can learn if one simply applies oneself.

  29. As someone with the last name of “Jones,” I’ve gotta say the Chesterton quote cheered me to no end! Usually we hear about “the Joneses” and how everyone’s trying to “keep up” with them (we are NOT _those_ Joneses, believe me!). It’s nice to hear someone talk about the Joneses in a good light!

    I like the rest of the article too, but the quote made my day (and my FB feed!).

  30. your such a liar, yes you are putting the first girl down, not outrightsaying it, but you know you are, you fundies cant help yourself fromdissing on someone NOTas Godly as you think you are

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  33. As always, Kelly, your posts are so well put! I see lots of “rabbit trails” in these comments, and one thing that I think speaks clearly to your point that we need to thoughtfully reject a “bill of goods” sold by the world and the industry of higher “education” is the number of folks tossing around the word “Christian”. Neither of these choices is more “Christian” than the other–though we could certainly discuss which is more Christ-like or is supported by Scripture. If you made a choice because even good, well meaning ladies told you it was the “only Christian way”, that is very unfortunate; defending the choice or freedom to go to college because “it isn’t unChristian to go to college” is equally bad logic. As women, Scripture calls us to fill certain rolls, and to FLEE those things which would lead us astray. And so, a SAHM who is bitterly homeschooling her unevangelized kids, discontent with her husband and the world’s lack of esteem for her is eating the same apple as the militant career woman whose identity is from “leaning in”. That said, let us not be so dim as to pretend that four years’ or more apprenticeship in the fallen world is something we can just skate through unscathed! I write as a mother of sons; I worry that they will struggle to find devout Christians to marry who haven’t done much more than decorate Jane Austen tea parties because “Christian” girls don’t go to college. AND that they will find good Christian girls from a Christian university who are too busy doing “what God called them to” to be wives and help meets and mothers. But, if I have a son who God has called to be a missionary or entrepreneur? The perfect helpmeet might just have a degree in linguistics or finance, held lightly before the Lord in service to their joint calling.

  34. Kelly, I know I am late to the party on this one. I read the post. I read every comment. I concluded that what we need is a reading and comprehension aid to go with the post. Some of the comments are so off topic that I am led to believe that the ladies who wrote them are being disingenuous. It’s a good simple post. Period.

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