Generation Cedar

I’m not even going to pretend today. Not that I ever pretend, but sometimes we avoid talking about hard days, or weeks or months.

Satan does love a good pity party, doesn’t he? Well I had me one this week. Why do we do it? We talk of the beauty of sacrifice, the privilege of service–it all sounds so easy and wonderful. And sometimes it is. But other times it’s not.

I thought of Jesus. Everywhere He turned, folks pulling on His robe. They needed something, wanted something–it was usually about them, and He was ready, willing to serve. He rarely rested, He just kept giving, never complaining.

And only a few ever turned back to thank him. Few noticed His tireless effort.

Why do we want someone to notice–someone to see how we’ve swept the floor 4 times, but it’s still dirty by supper time?

The physical needs press in, but so do the emotional ones.

That feeling that “I’m responsible for their education, their temperaments, their problem-solving habits–it’s all up to me”…even though we know it’s not.

Why do we need someone to know how many times we got up in the night with a little one?

I admit it: I’m a terrible servant. But if my Lord said “Serve”, then I will die trying.

Let It Be Enough

Let it be enough, that just my Father sees,
The child-shaped castles that I build,
The falling on my knees.
Let it be enough, that just my Father knows,
The tasks I start and have to stop–
How fast a two-year-old goes!
Let it be enough, that just my Father feels,
My every waking moment spent
With “The Questioner” on my heels.
Let it be enough, that just my Father hears,
How many times a day I referee
Between the tears.
Let it be enough, that just my Father understands,
The messes I clean up–the toes, the bottoms, and the hands!
May I be, (without an eye to see) content to work,
Without a paycheck, no “teacher of the year” or other perk.
May I resolve, each passing day, while all around me mock,
To press on–keep investing in this sweet eternal stock!
Kelly Crawford
March 8, 2008
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26 Responses

  1. This message is on the God given roles we live out daily as mothers and wives. Remembering what we are building has been a great encouragement to me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YU0aNAHXP0 “The Invisible Woman” brings a powerful message of hope to every taken-for-granted woman in today’s world.

    I recently discovered this site and greatly appreciate your honesty and refreshing encouragement to live the Word. Thank you~

  2. Ok Kelly, how did you know I needed to hear that, every line of it,huh?
    Thank you,thank you for that sweet reminder. I need to always keep in mind that I have an audience of (ONE)HIM.
    I love the encouragement your blog brings to me every morning when I read your articles-every topic you post on strikes a cord and people need to hear…Thank you for being BOLD in your faith.Keep it up!

  3. It never ceases to amaze me how my sweet Lord gets His point across to this pouty mommy I have been lately. All I have felt and thought lately is how “I try so hard to get it all perfect, yet no one even notices that I’m trying!” I know, pretty pathetic! And then I blame how I feel on everything I can think of, the rough home I grew up in…”if I had been tought these biblical principles and homemaking skills then I wouldn’t struggle with this”, “they always told me I was worthless and I couldn’t do anything right, and they were right”. Or, “well, I’m just feeling down because of my hypothyroidism, and my levels are so out of wack as they are with each of my pregnancies, and if this new OBGYN cared about her patients then she would be following it more closely and not let my levels get so high..this is all her fault”, and on and on I go with excuses as to why it is okay for me to pout, whine and complain. I read Ann Voskamp’s post yesterday (at aholyexperience.com), and then read this repost from you today, Kelly, and God is speaking to my heart. (By the way, Kelly, it always blows my mind when you *repost* something that hits right where I am that day. you could any post from the post, but it is always the one that is an arrow straight to me!) This is what has hit me: You know, you really aren’t serving if you are whining and complaining about it, even if you aren’t audible with those pouty thoughts, AND, God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, but He does want us to be grateful right where we are, and have a servant’s heart. May my heart’s cry be, as the song, “Make me a servant like You dear Lord, living for others each day. Humble and meek, helping the weak, loving in all that I say. Give me Lord a servant’s heart, here’s my life, take every part, Give me Lord a servant’s heart. Let me draw so close to You, that Your love comes shining through, Give me Lord a servant’s heart, Give me Lord a servant’s heart.” (Ron Hamilton)

    1. Charity,

      It probably strikes us all as “an arrow straight to my heart” because we ALL struggle with cultivating a servant’s heart. I think of the disciples, even, who walked with Him and saw His example and still said, “Lord, can I sit on your right hand in Heaven?” LOL! It’s nothing new, this war between self and dying, and we will do it daily.

      Oh, and I’m dealing with the hypothyroid thing and whacked levels too……it can be very trying.

      1. Kelly, Thank you for that reminder.

        And, yes, you are right the thyroid mess can be very trying, to say the least. I have struggled with it for 7years and have been on nearly every dose of sythroid there is! It ties my stomach in knots when I read all the awful side effects that the meds can have on you (long term), but to not take them isn’t an option. I have always went to the same OBGYN who actually diagnosed me with hypothyroidism, and always followed my levels very closely because they go crazy when I am pregnant. Now that we have moved across the state I am seeing someone new, and this dr sees things totally different and I’m thankful my hair is so thick because if not I fear I would be bald by this point, and I’m worn out tired, and I feel down and everything makes me weepy, and my levels are higher than ever before which is scary to me. *Sigh* And I so don’t like going to the doctor 😉 Honestly, I wouldn’t even go for prenatal check ups if it weren’t for needing my blood drawn every 4weeks. I just see most of the visits as pointless when you aren’t high risk, because the dr’s breeze in and out and say “any problems?”, and then send you out the door. I guess I might get fussed at for that one, but it’s just the way I see it.

        I know I just rambled like crazy, but since you are dealing with what I am, I guess I thought you would understand. In fact, if you have any suggestions or recommendations on how to deal with this, or any natural remedies (the artificial hormones scare me!) I would love to hear them. And Kelly, I do hope your hair is thick and bushy and that you are feeling better soon 😉

        1. count me in on the whole thyroid stuff. I don’t have one 😛 I had hyperthyroidism (severe case) during my 2nd pregnancy and a year after she was born they had to take it out bc it wouldn’t get under control. Thankfully I have a doctor who is awesome with hormones. I take Armour and synthroid. I don’t think anything of the side effects of synthroid because having hypothyroidism effects all your sex hormones, and if they are messed up we are at risk for lymphoma, heart disease, other auto immune diseases, cancer and all sorts of fun stuff.

          I just keep telling reminding myself that I am getting better, and to take it one day at a time. I try not to think about it too much, because it can really get me down and pouty.

          And what keeps me motivated is exactly what Charity said ”if I had been tought these biblical principles and homemaking skills then I wouldn’t struggle with this” That is the absolute truth. I want my kids to have good habits established so when they are ready to start their own family, they can really do amazing things because the basics will be established. I don’t want my kids struggling to learn how to cook when they already have to get dinner on the table for their kids and husband. I am determined!

          1. I am glad you left that comment Natasha. It is always an encouragement to me to know someone of a kindred spirit, or like minded, or what ever you would call it. I too am determined to give my children the “tools” that I know will make their lives easier when they are adults. It is very tough for me to be learning it all and teaching it all at the same time. I often feel handicapped; I do not want my children to face that!

          2. Oh, and I meant to say also that I think you are one strong woman to have gone through a thyroidectomy! That is a serious surgery! I get queesy when they draw my blood, so the thought of possible surgery scares me silly. I hope your recovery was smooth and that you are feeling well.

  4. Someday, if the Lord tarries and those little ones have families, they will remember these days and your example will be an encouragement to them as they raise up a generation to serve God.

  5. Right to me! Thanks! I was almost in tears earlier this week/end of last week (how can I remember the days since they blur!) because my daughter needs to be served all day long and now I have to do her chores as well as mine, and I started cleaning a friend’s house for extra $, and my dh is gone working A LOT, and whine, sob, gasp….
    And my friend told me of a friend of hers who woke up and their baby had died, and another whose child had a terminal illness. And I started thanking GOd that my kid is alive, what she has is excruciating, but not deadly, and those moms wish they could wait hand and foot on their little ones. Then I started crying because I suck! And I wasn’t grateful or finding joy in this situation…until my friend made me.
    This is just another reminder, and I appreciate it and need it in this season of life!

  6. Thanks for being so candid, Kelly (and everyone else for that matter). I am so thankful for that poem, I also am going to print it to put on my fridge as a sweet reminder from the Lord that what we do is for HIS glory and He requires that we just be faithful in whatever task He gives us. I remember reading one time (something along the lines of) that the little dirty corner swept when no one is looking is just as important as the “big jobs” like preaching a sermon, or being a CEO, etc., etc. It really changes everything to work unto the Lord, instead of for our own glory and praise.
    Uh-oh, my baby just woke up early from her nap crying….by God’s grace I’m not gonna whine and pout that my “free-time” is gone, lol.

  7. Kelly,
    Thank you! This poem really ministered to me. I shared it on my blog with a link to your blog. I have five children ages nine and under, and I can so relate to what your poem was saying. What an encouragement. It is all to be done to the glory of God.

  8. Kelly,

    Yes, as others have stated, that poem is excellent! Also you were right, I did need to hear this today. How did you know? 🙂

    Blessings,

    -Lady Rose

  9. Have been reading your blogs for a while now and have really blessed by them. This one really spoke to me this morning and was exactly what I needed. I was keeping my 4 month old nephew for the week and he went home last night. I am dying for another child but it isnt happening and I am really struggling to accept this and stop having self pity parties! I am so thankful for the two blessings I already have! Joshua 3 and Jayne 2. Thank you so much for your blogs. They truly are a blessing.

  10. I shared this poem and your web link on my facebook page. It has touched many and I got many replies and re-posts of your blog. They all are really enjoying it! Thanks for sharing truth sister!

  11. I am so glad that you pulled that from the archives! Such a blessing. Just this week I was thinking of the joy I needed as I go about my tasks. What a blessing!

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