Generation Cedar

There are deeply stabbing lessons of motherhood….

This one hit me in a split second.  In one instance I refused the apology.  Not completely refused, but a “I’m still very upset with you and you apologize for the same thing over and over and over, and I just want to see change instead of another apol—“

Heart sank.  I was spouting the very words I hoped I would never hear my Father say.  And I feel sure I will not.

Stopped mid-sentence…tears streaming down both our faces.


I’m so sorry.  I beg God to forgive me for the same things over and over and–by His grace–I will continue to forgive you over and over as long as I live.”

Relief broke across the face…relief that could only come after such a terrifying thought that Mother had “met her forgiveness quota.”

Perhaps you are encouraged.

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19 Responses

  1. thank you so much for sharing this! A convicting reminder that I am to always show my husband and children the kind of love and forgiveness my Heavenly Father shows me! need to go repent…:)

  2. Yesterday, I lost my temper at my children 3 times before breakfast was even completely cleaned up!! It is frustrating and aggravating when a simple firm “no” doesn’t get heeded and/or when they repeat the same offense over and over. Granted, my daughter is still young enough that her memory and attention span is too short to fully remember that what Mommy has repeatedly said no to still applies today. But then, I remember all the times I repeat a sin over and over again and Christ forgives me. Thanks for that reminder!

  3. UGH!! Have I echoed those same words before and had the same stabbing conviction in the heart. As if God would ever refuse our forgiveness? Definitely humbling moments of motherhood….thanks for sharing your struggles and God’s leading.

  4. I think all of us can relate to that. I had a bad week this week early in the week. I told my husband, “I don’t know why I have felt SO IMPATIENT lately”. I found myself being short with the kids.
    I think it’s because I haven’t spent enough time waiting on the Lord or enough time in personal prayer. Thank you.

  5. Thank you so much for this reminder. Yesterday my 13 yr old told me sorry…again…for “forgetting” to do something that he frequently “forgets” to do. I think I owe him an apology for not readily forgiving him…again!

    I love your blog. Have recently come across it and am hooked. I appreciate your insight.

    God bless,

  6. It’s so hard not to get impatient and upset at their various mistakes. All I have are 7…imagine what the Lord feels like! So thankful for grace! Thank you for the reminder!!

  7. I have been there…horribly. I even apologized to my daughter for something I do repeatedly that annoys her and her reply stung: “You said being sorry means you never do it again.” What a horrid lesson I taught her, that in order to be forgiven you must never offend again.

  8. Wow, what a needed reminder. I see over and over that the Lord uses my children as that ‘refining fire’ in my own life so often. Kelly L, I appreciate your words as well.

  9. You are so right! One of our boys (7 yrs. old) is really struggling with stealing and lying. I know there is a battle going on inside him. I know he wants to do what is right and yet that sinful nature is there, too. He is a believer, and he prays every night that God will help him not to steal (candy, gum, he’s stolen from a store twice). It is so difficult to watch him struggle, time and time again with this and to continue to forgive him, as well as administer consequences and admonishment. Being a parent gives me an idea of what God goes through with us!

  10. Oh I have been there! Those are times when I can see the Lord trying to teach me through my children’s behavior. Very humbling indeed!

  11. I came across this quote today and it reminded me of your post and our struggles at forgiveness with them at times.

    “When parents sin, they ask God to forgive them, repent, and know they are forgiven. When children sin, they are judged, tried, condemned and punished.” ~ Samuel Martin in Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me – Christians and the Smacking Controversy

  12. Kelly,
    Thank you for these words today. I am truly convicted. I have been this way for so long now to both my children and sadly to my husband as well…Thank you for sharng and being so real.

    Thank you Kelly L. and Jess in Peru, also (I think I know you ;] )

  13. I have been here as well. Stopped mid-sentence ashamed at my words and tone toward the ones I love. As I remember, the Father’s forgiveness of me, humbled…

  14. Kelly,
    You amaze me. I’ve definitely always had my differences with some of your advice and your perspective but this is a beautiful post. Very thought provoking. Almost a kind of zen meditation. I’ve often felt that your advice was very “old testament for thee” and “new testament for me”–that is, punitive towards some, generous towards others. But in this post you’ve beautifully turned the notion of g-d’s love and forgiveness inside out, offering a way to see sin/apology/forgiveness as a two way street. You’ve really done a wonderful thing with this short post. I will clip it and meditate on it.


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