My Husband’s Helper

“But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”

And then God made him one.

Beautiful story.  Convicting.  Controversial.

I was created to be my husband’s helper.

Together.

We became one flesh of two and consequently incomplete without each other.

Though we are two people, we are “one” in spirit and mission. Helping him is not a diminishing of my value; it is a fulfillment. We are better as one couple because our unique roles make us complete in our union.

Do I help him?

Am I motivated to be a suitable helper to him as we fulfill our dominion calling?

Too often I am centered on myself and even expect him to help me!  Which he does in the details of life.

But in the big picture, am I delighted to obey my Creator as his helper? Do I find contentment there?

Do you?

Sometimes I need to revisit the simplicity of my role as a wife.

And then be better at it.

“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.”  Proverbs 12:4

 

14 Responses to “My Husband’s Helper”

  1. tiffany says:

    I know you hear this all the time but this post was great timing for me! I was mumbling and grumbling as I was waking up this morning thinking about the day ahead, which includes passing out flyers for my husband’s lawn care business. This is a great reminder for me! 🙂 Thank you

  2. Keri says:

    This is such a good post because even after almost 30 yrs.of marraige, I still need to very much remember this.I think time, age, and maturity..lol..have helped me to grasp this better.I had no clue when we first got married!! When my children were really little, when my husband would come home at the end of the day..I would be like..well,I’ve had them ALL DAY..now it’s your turn.I wouldn’t even say that..just feel it and let him do just about everything with them.Boy–did I have that wrong!! To make it practical for those of you with little ones still..you might want to have the jobs done around the house that you know he’s going to try to do when he gets home at the end of the day…like garbage out..lawn mowed..yard care etc.That is assuming you have kids of the age to do those things.This really helped my husband and taught my kids to work hard.My hubs made this comment the other day and I’m only sharing it because I want it to be an encouragement to you all..He said something along the lines of our 10 plus marraige and I honestly couldn’t believe it because I think he really feels that way because I try really hard to not grumble anymore and agree with him more and try to be a Better Helper.It probably helps also that we have been married so long and are just at a really good place now of understanding our marraige(by the Grace of God) because let me tell you I still have my moments..but obviously in his mind they are not as often.

  3. Very encouraging! Thanks for sharing!

  4. Carolina says:

    Hey Kelly,

    why didn’t you put a picture of your own wedding? 🙂

    • Word Warrior says:

      I don’t know if I have any wedding pictures anymore :-/ But I do recall at least one I’ve scanned and posted on line before, somewhere in the archives–yippee!

  5. Anonymous-to honor my husband says:

    Hello!
    I love this post and need the encouragement often, but I have a question that I would love advice on. I am in an unequally yoked marriage :’o( and want to try to help as much as I can. Unfortunately, though, my husband has great tendency towards laziness (and please do know – I do not say that lightly or glibly, and mean no dishonor to him – that’s why the comment is anonymous). My dilemma is this: I joyfully (mostly! haha) do all I can around the house and taking care of our children, and try to help him as much as I can, but often I it seems that my help turns into enabling laziness. Again, I *want* to help and bless my husband as much as I can, but sometimes my “help” crosses the line to not truly be a blessing to him because I’m *helping* him to be lazy – does that make sense? I just want to make sure that it’s clear, I love my husband dearly and *want* to be a wonderful help-meet to him, but I have a hard time discerning that line of where help ends and enabling sin begins. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

    • Word Warrior says:

      Anon,

      Without knowing details I always hesitate to give this kind of advice (I just don’t want to be misleading in any way). My first thought is that hopefully you belong to a church where you can take your concerns and they would respond in a biblical way, with men who would help encourage and grow your husband. If not, a church hunt may be in order 😉

      And like Haley said, I would evaluate and make sure you are not overstepping where it isn’t necessary. In other words, taking care of every detail of home may well be enabling. Example: if he won’t attend to any financial details of home, a wife may do it to keep the power from being turned off. But, the power being turned off may be the thing that piques his awareness. Does that make sense? Do what you feel like helps him and allows him to fulfill his calling as your husband, and do it cheerfully, but I would also be willing to back away from duties you feel are not yours, unless you perceive that he is too busy to do them and needs or asks for your help.

      I would also try to verbally encourage him, where there is opportunity, when he does take initiative.

      • Tricia says:

        A little comment about this wise suggestion: “I would also try to verbally encourage him, where there is opportunity, when he does take initiative.”

        I agree that’s a good idea, but (and you probably already know this, so please forgive me if I’m coming on too teacher-ish) it’s important to do so in a sincere way, and one that lets him know specifically how what he did helped you. For example: “Thanks so much, Honey, for taking out the garbage. It really helps me have those few extra minutes in the evening so I can get the kids to bed on time”…or “It really encourages me when you offer to help wash the dishes,”(or whatever the situation is.)

        The reason I mention the importance of sincerity is that probably some of us have read about how thanking someone and highlighting what they’ve done for us motivates them to do so more often, and that’s true, but if that’s our main reason for mentioning it, it shows through and can seem manipulative. And nobody likes that!

    • Keri says:

      Dear Anonymous-to honor my husband,

      I think your post was very honoring to your husband and certainly not that I have all the answers although I would like to share a couple of things.This will seem like such a pat answer and I really don’t mean for it to be…Prayer is your Biggest resource here!! There are some great books on praying for husbands out there.Also,another really cool thing that helped me was looking up scriptures for my husband on how I could pray for him.When we were first married we were just so confused on what we were really supposed to be doing as husband and wife roles.We both came from divorced homes.I’m praying that you are in a church where maybe you have some really good examples of husbands and wives around.Hang around them as much as possible.Tell them you need great examples.This helped us tremendously! Also..and you might already do this alot..but pray those scriptures for him that you look up.I really didn’t mean in my comments that a wife should have Every thing done…unless of course you are super woman..lol.It is great that you are helping him and being joyful.It is not always easy!!
      Keep praying for wisdom for yourself and him.Never complain in front of the kids that you don’t think he does enough.(not saying you do-but I know someone who did this..christian family..and the kids mocked their dad at times).When you say “unequally yoked marraige”..were you saying your husband is not a believer? That can be an entire set of different prayers.I hope this helps a little and can be an encouragement.Blessings to you today!!

  6. Hayley Ferguson says:

    Dear Anonymous,

    I hear what you’re saying. I have those thoughts too. I am married to a Christian. His family of origen is quite dysfunctional and so he hasn’t had a really good example growing up and they tend to be proud and unable to humble themselves when others offer sincere help. So it continues in our family. I will now take a side track LOL. I personally think the 50’s idea of the perfect housewife having everything done when the husband gets home was a construct of globalists to forment the “second-wave” of the feminist revolution. Women “rightfully” rejected the doormat housewife “ideal.” In doing so though, she cemented the globalist agenda of distroying the family. In reading of the word (esp. NT) I do not find this doormat housewife idea at all. I find it’s the husband who is supposed to nurture the children (in the Lord.) The wife is to help the husband with his job of leading, nurturing and training his children. He is primarily responsible. How can he really do this if he for instance works all the hours God sends so his wife can stay home. I do not believe it to be Christian for the wife to take care of all the homelife and the husband to “go away and send home the money” so to speak. I realise there are cost of living pressures but if we as a body of believers took care of one another as we are supposed to do we would truly be a light to the world and a working example to them of the awesomeness of God’s Way and that it is relevant today. I (like Kelly) am just thinking and typing (I should pray more about this.) I am just commenting here because I see in the homeschool community (and especially in many Baptist churches I’ve been to) the tendancy to have the mother as the overworked frazzled housewife. Even though she also homeschools and may have many pregnancies…I’m not at all against many pregnancies, that would be hypocritical of me being pregnant with no 10. Yes I think it’s possible to do to much of your husbands home duties to the point that that the children see a constantly busy mother and a lazy father and end up not respecting him. Sometimes it is helping him more if we expect a relationship where we submit one to another as heirs together in the Grace of our Lord, serving one another. We want to remember the story of Mary and Marther. Balance is key. I’m not sure that what I’ve said here helps in the unequal yoke situation. There have been times when I’ve felt unequally yoked…then I remind myself that we are all on different journeys and I’m humbled. I did read somewhere a preacher from a few hundred years ago lamenting the creeping into the church of worldly ideas of the husband going away to work and expecting the wife to pick up the slack and how this was not the way a Chistian household should function, just a thought. My own husband thinks the idea of him coming in a sitting in “his papa chair” (US saying I think) and having me make sure he’s all comfy and runnind around after and tending to all the children while he read the paper is laughable. He would never let me. I’m not sure how much of his thinking may be influenced by his homelife…a tyranical father and a outwardly submissive (but feminist) mother? When I try to emulate the idea outlined in 40-50’s homemaking magazines, my husband gets annnoyed. He loves cooking but likes the kitchen clean when he gets home and I do my best to have it so. He realises his job (in the world) is much easier than mine here at home and so I have recently accepted that it is fine to let him “help” me because really he is doing his primary job and I’m still helping him when I keep things orderly when he is away. Ideally we are working towards him working from home fulltime as much as possible to accomodate his primary role. I used to feel a lot of guilt (primarily from well-meaning Christians) who believed it was giving an appearance of evil for a father to work in a home-business alongside his wife. What could be more ideal? We had fathers who loved and corrected us (not leaving us illigitamit(sp?) I have even been told that to have my husband do to much cooking is not a good example to our children (go figure?) I can cook and do more often now. He appreciates this also and I like cooking for him or at least trying to LOL. I don’t know if this helps anyone or not, but this has been my experience.

    • Word Warrior says:

      Haley,

      You have brought up some very important, thought-provoking points of which I agree and in fact, recently expounded on with my husband. I think the Industrial Revolution (and I would give credence to your “globalist theory”) set the American culture up for family-failure, removing both parents from home.

      What I recently discussed with my husband was the *thought* (not to be taken as hard fact) that if a couple worked together more like a unit that maybe, Dad wouldn’t be so absent from home and maybe a mom with many children would feel much more like she and her husband shared the responsibility of raising children rather than her “doing all the work”, as you described. I think it’s a VERY valid point; possibly worthy of a separate post or series 😉

      And you are right…there is no prescription in the Bible for a “door mat wife”, yet feminists always associate “biblical roles” with this picture, though the picture came from somewhere else. The virtuous wife of the Bible was strong, capable, and fully “in charge” of her domain.

  7. Anonymous-to honor my husband says:

    Thank you ladies so much for your very sweet and helpful comments, I truly appreciate it! In answer to a question above, yes, being unequally yoked does mean he is not a Christian, and he has no interest in Christ. He does not attend Church and has made it very clear that he does not want to be held to the Biblical standard of parenting/husbanding. If he were a Christian or even attending Church (possibly), there would be a potential for getting Church influence on the situation and him seeing good examples too, though he has no interest in being around other Christians (and has made that clear, too).

    I am interested to hear what overstepping the bounds would look like, since I’m not sure 🙂 ! I’ve heard the whole spectrum of what a wife should or should not do, from ultra feminism to doormat wifedom (lol). I do take care of the finances, but am glad to do so – if I did see a clear Biblical command that it is the husband’s responsibility I would think of asking him to take it on, but that is one of the areas I do handle. In being the “keeper of the home” I do take on as much as I can to make it a warm, loving, and godly environment for all. And in raising my children in the Lord (and as their spiritual “leader” – only by default because my husband is not a Christian), I try to take on all their instruction in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

    I am greatly encouraged in prayer and in God’s many kindnesses to me in the midst of the circumstances. Thank you for the encouragement to pray and to -sincerely- encourage him when he is helpful (I wish I could so more often). I do not wish to complain, because I have not detailed the Lord’s exceeding graces He has provided to me even with this many-realm-influencing-problem, I just appreciate any godly advice I can get on finding that fine line between helping and enabling. I’d be really interested to see what you have to say about the “ideal” home life presented in the 50’s etc. that makes it seem like the wife takes care of all and the man just comes home to prop up his feet; I think I’ve been influenced by that picture!

    In the midst of it all, Jesus has been more than kind to me and I am reminded often of the wretched slum He rescued me from when He saved me. What a very kind Savior, and I pray that my husband will come to saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ too.

    Thank you ladies, very much! And p.s., this might be a good reminder to all in the body of Christ to pray for and encourage those who find themselves in marriages to those who are not saved!

  8. Eva says:

    I am LDS, also known as Mormon, and in our church we have a statement, a proclamation. It is a proclamation not only to members of our church, but to the whole world. So although you may not be Mormon, I am sure you will find many, many things which you agree with in it. It is called “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” One of my favorite parts, that pertains to this post, is “HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” Further down, it explains the roles of both mothers and fathers. “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” Here is the link for the full thing. I highly recommend you read it, as it pertains to all Christians. https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng

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