Confessions of a Woman Duped by Feminism

Since it doesn’t look like there’s a baby in my very near future and I’m largely restricted (no pun intended) to the couch these days, I thought I might as well bring up a controversial discussion 😉  Maybe it will make me go into labor.

I received this email from my inbox last week and it pierced my heart…

“Dear Kelly,

I wanted to write to encourage you to keep speaking on the hard topics–I wish someone had told me.

I went the typical routine–high school–“what are you going do now”–college–then pursuing my “good job” because that’s what you do and besides, you need to be able to take care of yourself.

I get married in my early twenties, we made good money and we spent it well:  nice house, new furniture, two new cars, vacations, etc.

When my first baby came along, I was blown away by my love for her. And not once had I thought about (or been told) that given the lifestyle we had acquired, I would be forced to go back to work when she was just a few months old.  It floored me.

But surprisingly, no one else seemed to think it odd that I was struggling.  It’s what everyone did.  Of course we were obligated to find best day care and that would make all the difference, and then I could carry on, guilt-free, fulfilling my duty as a wife who made half the income.  But when I handed my tiny baby over into the hands of someone I barely new, I might as well have given her my heart too.

Here’s the one thing I can’t get past: if feminism is so “liberating”, why did I feel so enslaved, without a choice, (emphasis mine) bound to a decision I didn’t want to make?  The choice was being a mother who could take care of and nurture this beautiful gift God had given me, or handing her over to a complete stranger and go back to my “liberating job”, because I’m a woman and I can do what I want to do.

What kind of choice is that? “You can have it all?” No you can’t.  And it’s cruel to even suggest it.

I know not all women will feel this way, and from my experience, it’s because the whole movement itself was intended to callous a mother’s heart toward her children and family so she would be more aggressive in the man’s world.  They knew unless she was brainwashed to think that motherhood was just a side job and anyone else could do as good as she could, women would never “roar and conquer” in the man’s world.

And I’ll go ahead and add that I think the whole idea was Satan’s in the first place…what a clever way to destroy families than to get Mom out of the home?

But some of us kept our tender love in tact and have lived to regret that not one woman cared enough to tell me that the pursuit of motherhood was worthy of my entire devotion.”




90 Responses to “Confessions of a Woman Duped by Feminism”

  1. Randi says:

    Thank you for sharing Leah’s beautiful letter. I want to share with everyone the beauty of biblical womanhood, including actually being the one to nurse and raise my babies, and later educating them and training them up for the Lord. Unfortunately, the most common reaction to my enthusiasm I get is a patronizing look or condescending attitude. The majority of people do not want to acknowledge the consequences of going against natural law (I’m referring to the law that is written upon our bodies and hearts, that every human being is capable of discovering). I pray that God will increase charity within me, so that in my enthusiasm for advocating ecological nursing and stay-at-home motherhood, I do not sound like a clanging cymbal. I am learning, slowly but surely: in all things, charity.
    And I pray that you will have your baby soon. I know how eager you must be!

  2. Kelly L says:

    Wow, what a beautifully put letter! I try to tell people too, especially young ladies. I get the “Oh, you are one of those crazies” look. You should have hear the reaction I got on Monday talking to a Christian about not dating. Clearly I am not “in” the world. Or even in. 😉

    But I know a seed of truth, given in love (as Randi said) will allow Holy Spirit to do His job; convicting the heart.

    Also praying for peace and God’s timing on your newest cutie pie!

  3. Mrs. Zwieg says:

    Fabulous post! Thank you SO much for posting that! My heart cry exactly…making up for many years of neglecting my children as I just wrote in a post today…ironic.

  4. Wonderful and so true! I grew up with a feminist mindset, and at one time believed all the lies that went along with it. Family members often told me not to get married at all, and that I shouldn’t ever depend on a man. I’m so glad that God showed me there are wonderful, chivalrous, God-fearing men out there! I’ve got one now 🙂

    Feminism does not usually give you more choices – instead, it takes them away. Satan’s lies have blinded so many mothers.

    I’m glad you speak on the hard topics, too, Kelly. It is refreshing!

  5. StHarris says:

    I always have to say a little something about being really careful with student loans, because they determine what your choices will be. I only say it once, and if they are meant to hear it, the Spirit will help with that.

  6. Such a beautiful heart. The anguish is palpable. We must be joyful mothers, raising God-fearing/honoring children, blessing others through our hospitality, so that we reflect His Glory. So that the fruit of our lives and the lives of our children testifies to the incredible work of homemaking and raising children. So that women will be drawn to choose wisely. Especially young women. May we guard our lips when tempted to complain about “hard” things in our calling, knowing that so many are looking for “proof” that we have chosen the wrong path or “excuses” why they shouldn’t choose this path. May we take all of these hard things to the Lord who will provide us a “way” so that we can speak only words that build up and encourage.

  7. Patricia says:

    Leah, you were not the only one who was duped. You now see the trap laid out for so many of us, and I hope and pray you and your husband will find a way out of it soon. Yes, we are surrounded by the “normalcy” of feministic thinking in all aspects of the culture. Sadly, and ironically, The Bride of Christ is not exempt. When I married in the early 1980’s there was much talk about multiplying ourselves spiritually, but not physically. It didn’t even occur to us not to go to college, pursue careers, and live as DINKS. Evangelicalism was largely silent on matters of postponing family. I am encouraged to see this changing now, and hope we can spare the upcoming generation the regrets of wasting time chasing a paycheck rather than chasing toddlers–while we’re still young enough to keep up! Shaping the hearts of my children has proven to be my highest life’s calling thus far, and is worth all the financial sacrifices. It’s amazing how little we really “need” when our priorities are in order.

  8. ladycopper5 says:

    As much as I respect parenting and strong families, I think many people, this lady included, blame the wrong thing. They make feminism the scapegoat, when actually the lavish lifestyle is what enslaved this woman. The idea that women should have choices and be considered as much people as men are is NOT to blame for human greed, unconsious though it often is.

    • Ashley says:

      I heartily agree! The high life, having huge houses, expensive clothes, the latest technology and 5000 channels make it so that one income has no chance of supporting a familiy, let alone a large one. There are cirumstances where medical bills or other unforeseen bills may make it so that two incomes are required, at least for a time, but more often it’s the fun, unimportant STUFF. Society has a way of making us feel like we are poor, and missing out unless we keep up with the Jones, when in fact we are missing out BECAUSE we keep up with the Jones.

    • R. F. says:

      What made this woman think it was normal to get a job and contribute to the family income? Feminism. Greed took over after that. While she didnd’t even know that is what it was. She just saw it as maintaining a lifestyle. The only way to make it work is to downsize.

  9. Danielle says:

    I am thankful to have been raised by a mom who stayed home and raised me to stay home. I am thankful to have married a man that wanted me home. I do feel bad for those stuck in the liberation.

    Praying for you Kelly!

  10. Pam says:

    …And keep your chin up Kelly. God has his perfect timing in mind, already written down from ages past. He knows how you are quietly suffering in different discomforts. He knows the small, unspoken anxieties you wrestle with. He surely can be trusted and leaned upon, he surely is ministering your little one for you until he or she comes forth into the love and protection of your arms.

  11. Angela says:


    Many of us fell for the exact same lies. I cried every day I had to leave my precious little one and did not get home with her until she was 5 1/2 years old. Thankfully, God allowed me the opportunity to come home and home school but it was a tough 3 year road to pay things off and cut expenses so we could live on one income. Keep praying and working at it.

  12. Ginger says:

    I can totally relate. It never occurred to me that I didn’t have to go to college (because no one ever said that). So I went. Got two degrees in fact, and the debt to prove it. It took many years of our marriage to pay off my student loans, long after I stopped working full-time. There was a long time there when I was working part time, thinking I couldn’t quit b/c it was good money. But when I was home, I was thinking about work I needed to do, and when I was at work I was thinking about my starlings. I wasn’t fully focused either place!
    Praise the Lord, I haven’t worked at all in several years and we are knocking out our only debt (our mortgate) at a rapid rate. Only God.

  13. Jess in Peru says:

    I have to say that I really agree with LadyCopper5’s comment that suggests that it is the desire for a lavish lifestyle (AKA…the American Dream) that enslaves many women. It is not necessarily in the name of “feminism.” My mother did not stay home with me and I was raised with a very feministic mindset. And you know what? I never, for one second, even considered sending my children to daycare or going back to work. I made this decision when I was in high school that I would raise my own kids and no one else would be doing it. We sacrificied many things, but God blessed us and we have more than survived. I think that many women choose stuff, comfort and the American Dream instead of staying home.

  14. Hayley Ferguson says:

    To those of you who suggest it is the lavish lifestyle, that may be the case in the US but I doubt it. The social engineers wanted women out of the homes so they could change the general public mindset by indoctrinating your children without you present. Jess my mother felt the same way you did that she would stay home if they could afford it, because she hated being a “latch-key” child. In Australia it is at the point because of energy prices, food prices, petrol prices and most of all house prices (yes even modest, tiny houses in bad suburbs) that it really does take two incomes to support a family. Maybe if you live on beans and rice, no electricity and live close enough to work to walk but even then it would be a strain if at all possible. All the nations of the world are in severe debt, never to be repaid, so it cannot get better. Anyway feminism has infected womens and mens thinking, that’s a no-brainer.

    • Jess in Peru says:

      I did not stay home because I hated being a latch-key kid. And we certainly could not afford it when we made that decision. I stayed home because I knew that it was my responsibility to raise my own children, not someone elses. And the U.S. thrives on materialism in a way that is absolutely sickening. And many women who live in households that make $50k or more a year believe they cannot “afford” to stay home because the American “standard” is so high. The standard of what people MUST have. What is deemed as needs aren’t really needs at all.

      • R. F. says:

        You are absolutely correct. My husband makes half of what you posted ($50k) and I stay home. We own our home and 2 vehicles with no credit card debt. The idea that you “can’t” do it is false. It is a sacrificial lifestyle, but worth it. If you saw me on the street or in the store, you would never guess we made so little. We are not dressed in rags or anything, we look just like everyone else.

  15. Daisy says:

    I love this email or letter because I can relate to it on so many levels.
    When I had my baby, no one told me about “staying at home” either. All my friends are nurses and they all worked, full-time. These are wonderful Christians too.

    If only I had knew in advance I could have prepared myself better.
    My mother in law watch my child each day that I went to work. I worked crazy hours. 5am-2pm or so. I remember crying on my car on my way to work each day, then came a day, I stopped. I became so desensitized to the fact that my child is not always around and I was “used” to it. So, when I was around her, it was not good. I was frustrated and angered easily. You see working 10 hours a day is like your in a dream world, away from reality.
    My home was never then a priority. When you’re working, it just can’t! You can’t do both and expect it to have excellent results. One has to give. We as stay home mothers struggle with just this ONE job!! Think about having two! God never created us this way to want to be in the work-field and still be a great homemaker. His will for us is that we are to be homemakers! -Elizabeth George

    Satan’s lie has fooled everyone. It fooled us women into working so we can get the nicer thing, do the better thing, live a better life, of course who wants to stay home anyways??!

    I am very fortunate to have many friends who wants and long to stay home like I do. I have been praying for them and that God will make a way and release that stronghold.

    • karen says:

      In ,the 70’s I began babysitting for the newly off to work moms, and that is what I noticed right away. These moms were constantly looking for ways to get away from their children after the work day was done ,the need for “me time” . Thankfully I was horrified by this in my teens and determined to be a stay at home mom . I am saddened that my sister who also had the same mindset has put her son right into daycare and is constantly stressed at having to spend 2 hours a day with him.She feels very guilty but she has gotten herself financially into a situation where she has to keep working to keep up their lifestyle. She seems to think her feeling of irritation with this child compared to her daughter who she did stay home with 10 years ago is because of his sex and has nothing to do with her being gone most of the time.

    • Katie Grace says:

      I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I see some of my career mommy friends who seem to have very little patience with their children. They also seem to struggle with “enjoying” their children. They seem to try and fill their time with activities that exclude their children. They send their child or children to their grandparents or get a sitter. They find it strange that I take my children to the grocery store, shopping, or even out to a restaurant.

      I do have a few friends who work that are very protective of their time with their children. They want to spend every minute that they can with their family.

      • Karen says:

        I have also seen over the years (one of the perks of getting older)ha ha as divorce became more prevelent and women became used to sharing custody of their children I run into the odd situation where married moms want to share custody of their kids with their own husbands or parents…as in I had the kids last Saturday so now someone else must have them THIS Saturday because it is MY Saturday off this is just too odd to me it must be satan at work.We have opened our home to lots of children over the years they are so wanting to belong in their own family yet they end up in ours because no one is ever home that wants them there. And I have to say also that where ever I go when women find out I sttay home instead of going out to work everyone of them has said they so wished they could be at home also.

        • Daisy says:

          Wow, that is so sad. Can you imagine Karen us passing our kids here and there for someone to watch. Makes me all teary eyed just typing this. How heartbreaking.
          It is wonderful to see that more moms are wanting and having that desire to want to be home with their kids. Praying for them all that God will make a way, since it is His will in the beginning.

  16. Elly says:

    Ohhhhhhh how heartbreaking :o( I have met so many mommies who wish they could stay home with their little ones, and yet feel enslaved to return to work outside the home. I was a little shocked that even my non-Christian friends had this overwhelming instinct to stay home with the kiddos. That instinct is truly God-given, and Leah is right, Satan works hard to destroy families. If leaving your babies with strangers so that you can work is Satan’s design, how much moreso is it his design to cause women to hate their babies so much that they have them murdered before they are even born :’o( and call it “choice”! Oh may God have mercy on us, and turn our hearts back to the joyous gift of our husband and children and home, and help us to use ALL our energy, time, resources, and love to glorify God through Jesus Christ – Who is so kind that He would forgive even wretched sinners like us because Jesus paid the fine for our offenses against this holy God! We are great sinners, but we have a great Savior. May God turn our hearts back home.

  17. Jen C says:

    We are really struggling financially at the moment. We live in Australia and the cost of living is unreal. We are getting through though. You do without stuff. I do think Feminism has a lot to do with it. I hear a lot of ‘you should’t have to struggle like you do. You deserve better than this’ and honestly I don’t need to hear that. Just encouragement to keep going.
    A lot of people say that you just CAN’T live without two incomes. Well you can. You just can’t live lavishly! You can live without a credit card too!

  18. Christie P says:

    Well, Kelly, you have tried to stir up a hornet’s nest to induce labor, and the hornets are asleep! Not a single hostile reply! 😉

    Praise God that I read about homeschooling in college and caught the vision. It’s my love and passion, even though I’m only 1 year into it with a 5.5 yo! That made me want to be at home so I could homeschool (and re-educate myself!)

    As for ‘needing’ two incomes, I don’t believe anybody actually needs to incomes, they’re just unwilling to make the choices necessary to live on only one. I came home a year ago for good and my DH has been unemployed in that time, but we prayed and our church prayed, and God has provided every step of the way. First he had a very difficult job, but we were thankful for it. And now he has a much, much better job! He was prayed into it – there’s no other explanation. And yes, we have debt that is needing to be paid off – a lot of it. But we are praying about that too (As well as praying for our home to sell so we can move to less-expensive housing so the ends will actually meet and we can put more towards our debt).

    It was probably the biggest leap of faith we ever took, but we are so glad we did. I don’t think my DH would have the job he has now if I hadn’t come home when I did. We needed to be put in a place of desperation so we would pray and look to the Lord – and He did it!

  19. Julia says:

    What a great letter and many thoughtful replies as well. I’ve been so blessed to stay home with my children and when I see letters like this its a great reminder…especially on days when I’m tired and weary. Also a great reminder to pray for other moms.

  20. Amber says:

    I fully intend to raise my own children, and if things go “as planned,” I will not work outside the home at all. However, women (and their husbands) cannot blame society or feminism or the economy for their own choices. In the case of Leah, my heart goes out to her, but it seems to me that she should not have had to be told she couldn’t continue to live the same way with a child without her income. It’s just financial responsibility to plan ahead. There is a very difficult balance to find between trusting in God to provide and being financially responsible. My husband and I are carefully planning our finances, and when the time comes, I hope we won’t feel like we have to blame someone else for us not planning for the future. I realize that Leah’s story goes beyond that, and I understand and sympathize with her desire to stay home with her baby, but it’s no one else’s responsibility to warn her that “given the lifestyle we had acquired, I would be forced to go back to work when she was just a few months old.”

    This response is truly meant to be “iron sharpening iron,” and I hope it doesn’t offend anyone!

    • Cathy says:

      WOW, Amber. Here’s to hoping that you and your family never experience a catastrophic illness that leaves you flat busted. Here’s to hoping that your husband doesn’t have a lay off that amounts to years before he gets another job. Here’s to hoping that you don’t somehow become a single parent, and have to depend on others to watch your children. I am of the firm belief that, often, God has a way of showing us just how much we need to depend on Him, despite our planning. One can’t always trust a formulaic approach to finances, or to child-rearing, for that matter.

      I don’t see this as iron sharpening iron, but more as a battering ram of truth. I am not offended, but, I wonder if Leah really needed to hear someone pile on. How ’bout, “I’ll pray for you, Leah, that God will somehow provide a way for you to stay @ home w/your kids?” A sermon isn’t always in order. She readily owned her actions.

      Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve? (Psalm 103:10)


      • Amber W says:

        Perhaps I should have been more clear, Cathy. My post was intended to address ONE aspect of the letter only: “And not once had I thought about (or been told) that given the lifestyle we had acquired, I would be forced to go back to work when she was just a few months old. It floored me.” Leah does not appear to “readily own her actions,” as you suggest. She appears to blame feminism for not explaining to her that if she did not continue to work, she would not continue to have the same household income. Feminism didn’t teach this dear woman financial planning, or lack of it.

        As I pointed out, there is a balance between trusting God to provide and being financially responsible. We are instructed to plan our finances to the best of our God-given ability (Luke 14:28-30).

        I whole-heartedly agree with you that God can “provide a way for [her] to stay @home w/ [her] kids.” To that end, I encourage Leah to continue to seek God’s will for her family, and to find comfort in the knowledge of His providential care.

        To be clear, I realize that this is a simple letter which does not give us great insight into all the inner workings of Leah’s family and finances, so I will not attempt to address it further.

        • Cathy says:


          You DO have a way w/words…I hardly think your correction was something that was necessary. Leah seems pretty sure that she made wrong choices.

          Contrast your comment w/that of Michelle’s (close to the bottom). Enough said.

          Enjoy your weekend.


          PS Praying for you, Kelly…I don’t think that it would be disrespectful to tweak a verse from Revelation–“Even so, come quickly, Jax!”

          • Megan says:


            I stand with you on your view. I see feminism as a completly separate discussion from what Leah is struggling with. My husband and I saved for four years so that when we were blessed with a child, I would have the honor of staying home with her, at least for a time. As a teacher, I was able to take a one year maternity leave, and am now faced with the prospect of returning to work. I am praying that a part time opportunity will become available, as I don’t think it’s fair to ask my husband to shoulder 100% of our financial responsibility, but at the same time believe that no one can care for my child with as much love as I can. And so that means sacrifice. It means cutting away the fat from our budget so that I am not faced with the financial pressure of being pigeon holed into work full time, and accepting a more modest lifestyle. And love, not feminism drives me to do so.

  21. There are many factors here, but in the end we cannot place blame elsewhere. Ultimately, we are accountable for our decisions. Many sometimes those decisions are heartbreaking and filled with regret.

    But God is a God of hope – and the mistakes or regrets we have – can be made right by practical application of His Word. It may take time, but it can be done.

    Take heart, Leah. God understands your pain. Your obedience and pursuit of truth will gain you great reward. Don’t give up!

  22. Michelle says:

    Maybe this comment will help induce labor! 😉

    People rarely consider the fact that women might pursue careers not for the money and lavish lifestyle, but because they really want to make a difference in the world. I’m planning on pursuing a medical and research career because I feel it’s important. I couldn’t care less about a lavish lifestyle, honestly!

    As all good feminists should, though, I do recognize and respect that some women will feel that they’re better off staying at home and raising kids. There’s nothing wrong with that at all! I just think it’s also important to recognize that the feminist idea that women are able to contribute equally in the workforce is not based solely on material wealth (though yes, far too many people work just for the money). We can make real contributions to society outside of producing and caring for children, and that’s what a lot of us hope to do.

    Hope that helps with the labor! Best of luck – hope the baby comes soon!

  23. Word Warrior says:

    I agree with the comments who suggest that materialism plays a huge factor in this dilemma as well as the fact that we are responsible for our choices.

    However, when there is a sweeping movement of societal expectations, deliberately orchestrated and so strong that we all are affected by it, then I think it’s very fair and necessary to share the blame where it is due.

    There is so much more to the domino effects of Leah’s dilemma and women like her. It would take a book to unravel it. The materialism itself was bred by the strong force of women being urged to the workforce after the war had opened the doors (though at the time of the war it was mere necessity that pushed them there, considered, even, a raw disadvantage and unfortunate plight).

    The Industrial Revolution was truly revolutionary; good things came of it, but America was set on a path of greed and consumption, causing the feminist movement to have an easier job of coaxing women from home.

    The birth control pill becoming acceptable around the 50’s and 60’s further promoted the idea that “children are optional duties” and allowed women to be more guilt-free as they could more easily find care for one or two, delay their child-bearing years, or choose to be childless altogether.

    But ultimately, these and many, many more subtle changes infiltrated into all our thinking. Leah mentioned the “innocent” question that we still hear anywhere there is a high school-aged girl: “What are you going to do next?”

    The implication is not about CHOICE, as feminists claim. If it were, the question would be more honest:

    “So, are you going to pursue the role of wife and mother, dedicating your life to making a difference through your family, or are you going to pursue a career, which you realize will involve some sacrifice of your family?”

    I have now gotten quite off track, but I still feel that feminism can be largely blamed, together with our own responsibility to sift through the truth and lies, on the dilemma so many women face, and many who don’t even see the dilemma.

    As Leah said, many women do not feel the way she feels. They don’t understand that their first and most important job must suffer when it has to compete with a career.

    Michelle said, “People rarely consider the fact that women might pursue careers not for the money and lavish lifestyle, but because they really want to make a difference in the world.”

    While I don’t deny that women, of course, make a difference in the world wherever they are, and many women have certainly made incredible contributions in various occupations, still, the implication from this comment is that they can only *really* make a difference through a career. God has already given us the most powerful position if we want to make a difference in the world. “The hand that rocks the cradle”…And while I won’t get into if/when there are seasons and circumstances where women may well serve in a career, the slippery slope almost always causes the career goals to become tangled with family. Rarely can a woman hold her pursuit of career in high esteem and that of raising a family in equally (or higher) esteem, though that is her first priority.

    Whew…I’m going to rest now 😉 Sorry for the book.

  24. Nicole says:

    When my son was born I gave up a career impacting lives in the medical field as a nurse (in labor and delivery and pediatrics) and it was the best thing I ever did. I now volunteer one afternoon a week-3 hours- (while my 3 boys nap at grandma and grandpa’s) at a local crisis pregnancy center to give free ultrasounds to women who feel that they have no other choice besides abortion. I share the gospel with each one, and let them see that what they are carrying is indeed a baby.
    And yet, the life saving work I am used for there compares nothing to impacting the 3 (soon to be 4) lives of my own children. And why is that? Because it is God’s plan. I don’t choose to stay at home because of the value of my impact, or even because of my heart to do so (initially it was really hard to come home and be a worker at home), but I choose to do this because God tells me (Titus 2) that it is the best way for my family.

    While I could “contribute to society” outside of “producing kids”, I am so happy to be obedient to scripture and support my husband as he “makes a difference in the world”, while I have an even greater impact at home than I could in nursing.

    I think that feminists sometimes forego a career at home because they “want to make a difference” and “feel [their job] is important”, and they forget that you can make a huge difference with a life-changing job right in your own home.

    And if we happen to be Christians, our decisions should never be based on what we “feel” but rather on what God’s Word teaches. Yesterday I didn’t feel like being a stay at home mom, oh boy what a day, but I know that when I obediently follow God, His heart is so pleased.

    I don’t mean that at all to be offensive by quoting dear Michelle’s post, but rather to kindly and gently disagree on specific points. Michelle, it sounds like you have a really sweet heart to serve others, and I think it is really wonderful that you are looking at the non-feminist’s view as you consider your choices. I hope you have a lovely day Michelle, and I hope that you enjoy your rest Kelly, as you wait on God’s perfect timing for this little boy. (I know I check the blog multiple times a day as I pray for you and am so excited for the joyous news!) May we honor God above all else!

    • Jennifer says:

      “while I have an even greater impact at home than I could in nursing”

      Maybe, maybe not. I don’t make that assumption about all mothers or all working women.

    • Jennifer says:

      “And yet, the life saving work I am used for there compares nothing to impacting the 3 (soon to be 4) lives of my own children”

      That’s nice. I however am very grateful for the women who are there to take care of people; no medical building would I enter if there were only men anyway.

      People always speak of making a difference in your own home, but that’s not the only job for every woman. Some women do make differences outside their walls and we need women out there, quite frankly. Not every woman is meant to rule exclusively through her children or her husband; not every woman is meant to exclusively manage one place. God’s variety is one of His best features.

  25. Sara says:

    I was duped by feminism in many ways, but the idea that someone else could raise my kids as well as I could was never one of them. Anyone with some sense can understand a stranger is not going to do as good a job as the mother, in most cases. So staying home with my kids was never a struggle in the sense that I felt I “should” be working. Instead it’s been a struggle because I have a genuine desire and drive to be productive in my field. Not because I want money or reputation or to get away from my kids. I just like doing what I do, and wish I could do more of it.
    The struggle for me is reminding myself that my kids take top priority, and everything else must come second.
    Not all women work because of a deceitful social construct.
    I think mothers should stay home with their kids, absolutely. You have kids, you raise them. But some women genuinely WANT to work, and not for evil motives.

  26. True, we are responsible for our own choices. However, we can only choose that which we know. Many generations of women now have been bombarded with the message that SAHMs are ‘useless’ – that women should work like men in order to maintain ‘equality’. For young women, it is a difficult decision to go against the culture -especially if all the older women in your life are openly distaining the idea of being ‘just’ a wife and mother.

    Another aspect that helps the feministic movement, along with greed/materialism, is our natural laziness. I am a former executive – and I can tell you it was soooo much easier than being a SAHM! Leaving the house everday and having a private office with a personal assistant to do as I beckoned…sound good? It was. Only when God changed my heart did I see the ‘uselessness’ of my career and how much I was missing in the life He had prepared for me. It is much harder managing a home where I am the only staff member – although the kids are being trained to take over some of the duties ;o)

    And now I am no longer useless!

  27. Renee Smith says:

    There are many ways to look at this issue. I am so old I was on the forefront of the feminist movement. It happened swiftly, so swiftly that one day “girls” as we were referred to, could not wear pants on my college campus and the next day about 90% of us turned up in jeans, which due to the cold, wet weather was a big relief. In my day it was a very common thing for a couple to marry in early 20’s, both would work for 5 years or so (and many at a fairly high paying job, at least for college graduates). It was discussed and agreed by many couples that they would live on one salary only, bank or invest the other salary. Then when the children came along in 5 years or so, the wife could quit her job and be a SAHM. I know many women who did this,(myself included) and even though they had the money to buy a lavish house, new cars and take expensive vacations, many did not. Most things in life are choices. Living the most expensive life you can because you like those pleasures are one thing, but I think its pretty tough on a family, not only for the moms, but also for the dads. My daughter quit work when she had her babies and her husband was able to support the family without killing himself with work and he is one of the word’s best dads – super involved with his girls. My son and his wife are having their first baby soon. She has a job where by her choice she can work week-ends and holidays making a fabulous salary, and he works from home with a great deal of flexibility, also making good money. They are highly educated. So he will take care of the children on the week-ends and she will take care of them during the week, no need for day-care outside the home. They are also very frugal and do not live lavishly, instead they have invested wisely. They are looking forward to this.
    Having watched my mother, who was such a smart woman, be put-down and demeaned for years because she had no education or skills that were marketable, I did not want to ever be dependent on a man for money. I got my education early, thoroughly enjoyed my work, stayed home with my babies when they were little and worked again when they entered school. My life’s work had some flexibility and I was able to be with my kids a lot during holidays and summers. My mother always told me to take care of myself first, I would have a better life and so would my kids, and she was right.
    In my opinion it all comes down to choices, many choices made early on in life, and parents should step in here with information to help daughters and sons both to make the best decisions.

  28. Sheila says:

    I was thinking (before I even saw Michelle’s comment) of the many women I’ve heard say that they want to “make a difference” – I’m thinking particularly of nice Christian ladies who want to teach school.
    My only thought, then, is if the lady has children, why is making a difference in the lives of other children more important than making a difference in the lives of her OWN children (by being home with them)? Like those who limit their family size (or intentionally avoid them altogether) for the sole purpose of pursuing ministry. Why is the calling of motherhood looked at as secondary?
    I KNOW not all doctors, missionaries, teachers, etc. view their children as secondary. I’m not trying to lump everyone together. But, statements which elevate their “calling” (career/ministry) OVER their calling as a mother, is what is heart-breaking. (I’m going by what I’ve heard said in my own personal experience.)

    (Your big son will be born tomorrow. :))

    • Amanda says:

      My question is what if you’re not good at motherhood? We’re each given unique gifts. Someone’s gift may be in the medical field rather than at home. I’ve a friend who married young and had children right away. The mother stayed home with the children, but she was not maternal by nature. She fell into a deep depression and her family, her health and her marriage suffered. Yes, she prayed. Yes, she spoke with her pastor. Yes, she spoke with her husband. But she simply was unhappy. Her children were unhappy. Her husband was unhappy. She regrets not getting a degree and pursuing a career. She is the first one to admit she is not the best caretaker for her children. They finally moved back in with her mother, who is maternal, and my friend was able to go back to school and everyone is much happier now.

      While there certainly is a valuable lesson to be learned by serving your family, sometimes the best service is to find the right people to help you meet their needs.

      If a man discovered he wasn’t good at science, or got sick at the sight of blood one would not expect him to become a doctor. It would be perfectly acceptable for him to become a carpenter.

      Why then, if a woman lacks the skill, patience, and frame of mind to be a SAHM should she force herself into this mold?

      Deborah was called to another role to serve God. Why then should we assume that there is a one size fits all role for all women?

      • Word Warrior says:

        Here is my opinion to your question:

        If a woman gives birth, motherhood is no longer a choice…it IS her role–non-optional. It doesn’t matter how she feels. She either takes responsibility for it, or she doesn’t it, but it remains her irrevocable role. I believe that women who don’t “feel” like being mothers are simply responding to the feminist brainwashing. They have been offered this choice–being a mother OR doing something “exciting” or “productive”, and some women fall prey to the notion that motherhood is second rate and therefore are able to suppress what would have been a more natural instinct had they believed how important and necessary their role and was. That’s my big hang up–motherhood is not a choice…it’s a privilege and a great responsibility, but not a choice once you’ve had children.

        It’s like a man or woman who gets married and then says, “I’m just not cut out for this–I don’t *like* being a wife/husband”. They ARE a spouse now and to even entertain the thoughts of whether one is “cut out” for the job is senseless.

        Deborah was NOT “called” to another role. She was forced their and even admitted that. She did everything she could to restore a man to the place she had been. A careful study of that story reveals a completely different scenario and does not support the idea of women usurping authority or “competing” in a man’s world. She knew it was a disgrace that she had to do what she was doing.

      • Katie Grace says:

        If a mother finds her role as a mother makes her miserable then there is usually an element of selfishness that is at the heart of her discontentment. To give all your time, energy, youth, beauty, and skills to your children is a daily act of “denying yourself”. If you believe that God is the author of life, then if you have children, it was God’s will that you have those children. It’s sad that your friend chose to have her mother be the nurturer of her children so that she could find self-fulfillment elsewhere.

        • Amber says:

          I very much agree!

          • Jennifer says:

            Deborah most certainly was called to a different role and there was no disgrace in it; she got more visitors than the male judges and did not whine, like Queen Victoria, about being stuck with a “man’s” job; she did it, she helped lead an army, and she knew that both she and another woman, Jael, would help bring down the enemey as well as the male army. Woman’s victory is not man’s shame and what Deborah did was take on the role given to every woman: co-dominion, which does not always happen with children and rule-by-proxy through a man. She was not usurping authority or competing in any place she had no natural right to be in; jobs are not a “man’s” world. Her story was a perfect example of men and women working together as they should.

            “Why then should we assume that there is a one size fits all role for all women?”

            There isn’t, but we don’t whine about not being cut-out for motherhood or marriage once we’ve already entered into them either. I also get exasperated when I hear about spouses who are frigid for no reason; I said on another blog that if a woman doesn’t like sex (it’s usually the woman who’s frigid), she shouldn’t get married, and some other woman said this was cruel and how could we know if we like it? Oh please; if you don’t like it, you can usually tell beforehand by a simple lack of interest. Let’s not pretend to be naive about what we are and what we like, acting surprised after making a commitment that we’re not good at something it requires.

            Now I don’t believe every unhappy mother is brainwashed by feminism; some are meant to do things outside as well as inside the home, and a woman bound exclusively to her house may be unhappy with this. Or, she may have been assailed by doubts or Satan; or she could be having a chemical depression that no one’s discovered. But whatever you decide to do, you DON’T ditch your kids. Whatever you decide you are, you don’t forget that you are also a mother. And at the end of the day, that has to come first.

  29. Sheila says:

    (Okay, I missed a bunch of comments before I submitted mine – sorry!)

  30. Emily says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this letter, Kelly.
    I so agree with so much of the feed back that this has prompted.
    I SO agree with Kim from Canada that, “We can only choose that which we know.” I do wonder, in all seriousness, if Christians aren’t seeing this lived out (Titus 2) within the body of Christ, how would they know any different? Could part of the problem be that the generation that we have been born into is blinded to the idea that there is a better way.
    I was converted seven years ago and our family has worshiped in three different churches, since that time and there have been a very, very few numbers of SAHM’s. I have been a SAHM from day one.(13 years ago) And find it very strange that it isn’t really embraced in the church.
    Kely, may the Lord bring you peace that surpasses all understanding as you wait for your baby.

  31. So, a lot of interest thoughts flying around. With all due respect and sympathy to Leah, may I offer another?

    I am inclined to agree with those who are pointing to the idea of “personal choice” over the Feminist movement as the primary culprit for situations like this. And, I wonder, is it the Feminists fault for telling women they can work outside the home and have a fully fruitful family life? Or is it our fault, as women, for swallowing theirs (or anyone’s) advice wholesale?

    Why blame the Feminists? If we vilify, don’t we run the risk of raising young women who take OUR word wholesale and not stop to think that perhaps they will not be happiest (or that God is not calling them) to be full time stay at home wives and mothers? I am a stay at home wife and mother. I am also a writer. I plan to return to my career in acting at some point when family life allows. My priority is God first. I go where He leads. I think for myself. This is what I want for my own daughter. An ear to hear His voice, a curious mind that is ready to scrutinize, and the courage to follow her own path.

    • Amber says:

      But many people are very gullible and incredibly undiscerning and they will absorb whatever they are told. Especially in hard times. Then you have those people raising more people and brainwashing them. Then you have all the kids going to public school and being brainwashed there. Yes, we make our own decisions, but when we are told what the RIGHT decisions are our entire life we often are duped by that. So I still would blame the feminist movement. Overall I wish Christians were more Biblically educated and discerning, but we become less and less. And it is the fad now with “Christianity” to do as the world does but still claim that we believe the Bible. So even amongst each other we can be in the minority!

  32. 6 arrows says:


    Thank you for this post. It is much needed. And no need to apologize for “the book.” LOL! Here’s the sequel…!

    I always knew I wanted to have children, but in the early years of my marriage, I was very caught up in my career as a public school elementary music teacher. My view of future children of our own was, how can I make this work around my career?

    So we “planned” to have our first baby toward the end of my fourth year of teaching so that I could have my six weeks off, and then a whole summer to enjoy my baby before returning to work.

    Well, God let me have my way. Our first child was born in late April, we enjoyed him, and when he was about 4 months old, off I went to work, taking our son to a nice mom whose daughters were students of mine.

    I thought the first day of school would be hard for me emotionally, leaving my son in someone else’s care. But it was great! (I thought.) I enjoyed being with my coworkers again with all their lovely comments about my son’s baby pictures. I loved preparing my classroom for when the students would come back…etc., etc.

    Day 2 (another teacher prep day): ditto. Everything going great. No problems emotionally. I didn’t worry about my son…I believed he was in good hands, and I was excited about the kids returning to school. (I knew every one of them except the incoming kindergartners.)

    And then the big day came. We teachers stood just inside the front doors of the school to greet the kids on their first day back. A flood of kids poured through those doors, hundreds, and suddenly, some of the younger kids who knew me saw me standing there. The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by kids who were hugging me, saying, “We missed you!”, and…I…just…LOST…it. All I could think was, “I MISS my SON!”

    I just had to leave that scene, it was too much. As I was retreating to my classroom with tears streaming down my face, a coworker told me, “Don’t worry, it’ll be easier with the next one.”

    I have never forgotten that remark. In a way, unfortunately, she was right. After that one emotional day, it did become much easier to go about “my business” while my son was in someone else’s care.

    I was too preoccupied with the importance of “my job” to see how God desired to turn my heart toward my son and my God-given job as a mother. I was getting lots of pats on the back for the music programs “my kids” would perform. I also felt like I was doing a noble thing because kids would hug me on the way out of my classroom and say things like “I wish you were my mom.”

    Meanwhile, as my son grew and I continued in the workforce, it became increasingly more difficult for me to understand just who this little man was. The second summer I was home with him, I was so frustrated and clueless about how to train him, I just could not WAIT to get back to school in the fall. And he wasn’t *walking* yet at 15 months! I thought, great, he’ll take his first steps at the sitter’s, and not for me, his mom!

    But did any of that prompt me to reevaluate my career choice, to take time to try to comprehend the high calling of motherhood? NO! I continued teaching because it was so much easier and “rewarding.” Besides, how could a family of three survive on one income, anyway?!

    All I can say is that this was one big deception from satan, and I bought into it. But thanks be to God for what I can only call a miraculous intervention. God pulled me out of that scene the summer after my son turned three (a story for another day!), and I never went back.

    I am glad you printed Leah’s letter, Kelly. I think she is right when she states her belief that the whole idea was satan’s. He is the father of lies.

    The pursuit of motherhood is indeed worthy of a mom’s entire devotion. It can’t be said enough.

    I hope you and your family are on the mend from the virus you’ve had. Praying for a safe delivery for your little man at God’s appointed time. Blessings!

  33. Tamara says:

    This is heartbreaking. I am in tears. Reading this stirs my heart even more to share God’s design and best for His children. I thank God for His hand upon my life. Truthfully, I wasn’t that wise to the feminist movement. I just had the freedom to follow what God birthed in my heart as a woman and I sought to learn what His best was. The real question here for ME is how do we minister to broken hearts such as hers. And furthermore, teaching and ministering,in love, with words that are seasoned with salt and grace, AND coupled with prayer will bring a lot of awareness to women and men alike who are seeking to know God’s perfect will for their lives. Shall we busy about the Lord’s work? Thank you, Kelly~ God Bless

  34. AbbysMom says:

    I remembered attending a wedding of two recent college grads about 15 yrs ago. During the minister’s sermon, he reminded the couple of some of the things that they had gone over during premarital counseling. He strongly suggested that they make wise choices about a fancier apartment than they needed, furniture, cars, vacations, etc., before they had children. He also encouraged them to try to live off the husband’s salary alone and save the wife’s salary until they had children.

    Doing these things would allow them to make a real choice about the wife being able to be a SAHM or having to remain in the workforce (either full or part-time) when they had children.

    I considered it (and still consider it) some of the best practical (rather than spiritual) advice I’d ever heard in a wedding sermon.

    • Daisy says:

      Wow, awesome Pastors. How come many other pastors don’t preach or teach these things. If only I knew what I knew now, I’d saved so much heartaches and struggles. Pastor Mark Driscoll has an entire sermon on Homemaking. Wish I’d found him sooner as well.
      God will definitely reward him for those words. Life changing words. Wish I was there at the wedding with you! LOL

  35. Christie P says:

    Anybody else surfing and searching for Kelly’s comments to see if she’s gone in labor yet? 🙂

  36. Whitney says:

    Thank you for sharing this beauty letter of truth. The message it contains is still one which desperately needs to be told now. A woman’s identity ought to be founded in who God created her to be. If He calls her to the home, then that is precisely where she should be. This understanding (and obedience) is one which came after many years pursuing the career path. My heart is for home, and I’m grateful everyday to be fully present for my family. My heart aches as I hear many many stories of women who live with regrets for decisions made in relation to their family and career. In the midst of shouts from feminists urging our youth to only consider a career outside the home, a louder voice needs to be projected that a wife and mother are absolute beauties in themselves and worthy of full pursuit. Thanks for sharing the letter!

  37. Jeree B says:

    Wow, great letter. Exactly how I was raised- fend for yourself, you don’t need your husband to take care of you, it is the “normal’ thing to do to work and take the kids to day care (that is where I spent my time as a child). Now with a four month old, I can’t imagine handing him to someone else to shape his little personality. I wish I had heard another side as well. You have influenced my life so much with your blog. I know people send you harsh words, but you have helped bring great blessing into my home in the form of a 4 month old bundle of joy I previously believed I “wasn’t ready for”. Thanks.

  38. Ms. Stevenson says:

    Great Post Kelly! This post is near and dear to my heart as I am a mother who yearns to stay at home but my husband makes less than 25k a year. We live frugaly and we are paying down debt. When we had our first child I had a c section with a complication. They gave me the standard time off for a c section (3 months) but I felt this was more like 3 days. I had no time to bond and no time to heal. My incision opened and I had to undergo treatments. I wept at my daughters crib the night before I had to go back to work. I thought to myself this must be how God and the Virgin Mary felt when Jesus died on the cross. It was that deep of a pain. I went back to work tired, sick, and with a half open c section wound. Fastforward to December 2010 I was so stressed because work was grueling and there was not a balance. They label it “work life balance”, well I had zero. I became so depressed I took a leave. Due to the financial need of my household, I have to go back. I see this as a means to an end. We will pay off debts and purpose to live debt free. Please keep my family in prayer as I have prayed earnestly to God that my husband will be the sole bread winner and be the head and not the tail. This is the only way I can mentally go back to work tomorrow. This is my last night of being full time mom. I’m trying to be strong, but im torn up inside. I will probably cry most of the day tomorow.


    Ms. Stevenson

    • R. F. says:

      I will be praying for you. Just know it is possible. My husband makes less than 25k a year and I stay home with four children. We do not live in poverty either. Keep praying and trimming your lifestyle, it is possible!

    • Laura says:

      My prayers are with you and your family…

      I am still finding my way home (this July, God willing!) and know the deep pain of being separated from my family. He will give us the strength to make the journey!

      All the best to you!

  39. Michelle says:

    Kelly!! Thank you for sharing this letter. As an ‘older’ woman (did I just type that?? lol) I feel extremely convicted that I need to speak out more. Not in a judging or condemning way, but to speak the truth in love. May the Lord lead and give the words. I challenge other ‘older’ women who blog to speak out more on this subject if you don’t already. How unfair to know the truth and not share it with the precious younger women.

    Leah, you are precious and your heart towards the Lord and your family is beautiful. Please do NOT take on condemnation and praise Him for delivering you and showing you the truth and move on in joy, loving your family. My husband and I both ached when we read your letter. blessings.

    Relentlessly Pursuing,


  40. Laura says:

    I fell into the same trap as Leah about eight years ago. I was a newly-minted college grad who against her husband’s wishes insisted on putting my degree to use and putting my infant son’s welfare in the hands of other relatives and then daycare.

    I have regretted it ever since. His first steps, first words, first boo-boo – I missed it all. Just received a small piece of paper at the end of every workday detailing his activities. This is all I have of my son’s childhood.

    He’s eight and a half now. Still hates aftercare, still hates that I am not home. My husband is eagerly preparing for the role of sole breadwinner that he has wanted from day one (and that I terribly denied him). I will be so happy to support him and appreciate him as we make the big switch this summer!

    I am not an old mom – just 29 – but already speak out against the working-mom “ideal” to others in their 20s. With my son, I instill the need to be a good provider to his future wife. With my future daughter, I will tell her of my experience and train her to be the good wife that I was NOT until my marriage nearly dissolved six years in. I thank God every day that He saved my family!

    I am so glad that so many others are coming forth with their experiences. It’s heartbreaking what these lies have done to the country, but I have faith that our children will reverse the damage. Already I see changes in my own generation – we know first-hand what comes with following society’s ideals!

    • Meridath says:

      Thank you for this comment! I, too, am in a position as breadwinner. Currently this has provided the opportunity for my husband to attend seminary and he will be home with the kids (we have 3-ages 3,5 & 8)starting this summer. But it has created challenges and obstacles in our marriage and home. I pray ceaselessly for the day that we will be able to “switch roles” and fulfill God’s intentions for husbands/fathers and wives/mothers.

      Praying that your transition is smooth and you will find blessings in your new role!

  41. 6 arrows says:


    “I was plotting a vicious April Fool’s Day joke…”

    LOL! I love your sense of humor! I don’t know that I had a sense of humor about ANYTHING the times I went past my due date!

    Please also know, Kelly, that you have my continued, fervent prayers that God will bring forth your son soon. It is a privilege for me to boldly approach the throne of grace, petitioning God on your behalf.

    Grace and peace to you!

  42. No, we cannot have all.
    As I already commented in another post, the only way a mother of young children can be that and a professional at the same time would be to either
    1. clon herself.
    2. cut herself in two with Salomon’s sword.

  43. […] I enjoyed this post by Generation Cedar – Confessions of a Woman Duped by Feminism […]

  44. Mickee says:

    But I would also not want all women removed from every job…I like having a female nurse. Wouldn’t this mean that any woman between 20 and 45 would be out of the work force if she had or wanted children….


    • Amber J. says:

      There are plenty of women out there who don’t have kids or whose kids are grown who can fill those jobs you are refering to!

      • Emily B. says:

        I would personally love to see all women stay at home with their babies but especially Believers. (It is so difficult to be a keeper at home if we are not home) Just a thought that comes to mind….I have a feeling that there would still be enough women nurses out there in the medical field!?(non-Christian)

  45. Meridath says:

    This sounds just like my story! I walked the same path and now that I have realized the value and blessing of being at home to raise my children and keep my home, I am unable to do so. Praying for Leah and all women who struggle with this situation.

  46. Emily says:

    Just letting you know I passed this post on to another blog….. in a comment. I don’t know if that is OK or not, so I thought I would let you know. 🙂 Just e-mail me if there is a problem, then I can give you the link for the blog as well.
    ps.- The Lord be with you with your labour and delivery!!! Praying that you and the baby will be healthy!!! The Lord be with you as you raise your children in His way!!!
    In Christ. -Emily.

  47. Rebekah says:

    As always, I am of a middle opinion. I like having rights such a voting, able to take very important matters to court, being seen by law as an equal in just about everything. But yes, I do believe it has gone too far. This is a very good thing to remember for me, a girl just about to go into college. I have always wanted to be able to be a mother first and foremost. But I realize that I will also have to help make money in these difficult (looking to be worse soon) times. I have to trust god very much to lead me right.

  48. Susanna says:

    Wow, thank you for sharing that letter. I have experienced both staying at home with my children, working and putting them in child care, and now working at home.

    It never brought me joy to leave them in the care of someone else, so I can totally relate. I always told my husband I didn’t want to pay someone else to do the job I wanted to do myself.

    It’s sad the way society views motherhood today. It is not a burden, but a blessing. God created people with a desire to be important, needed and wanted. We have been told that we are not needed to raise our children, and we’re not important unless we’re contributing to the household income. These are lies, carefully crafted and planted by the Deceiver himself.

    I thank the author of that letter, for sharing her heart with you, and you for sharing it with the rest of us.


  49. […] Confessions of a Woman Duped by Feminism @ Generation Cedar {this broke my heart and opened my eyes at the same time} […]

  50. Diane says:

    I stayed home with my kids. Even home schooled them. It was a joy, pure and simple. Not always easy but always worth it. I got plenty of resistance and ridicule for it. I was told I was wasting my education. That I wasn’t contributing to my community etc… My family grew and remained close and stable all through my children’s milestones. Didn’t have to deal with “teen rebellion” or “generation gap” situations. Those who thought it was such a huge mistake are now singing our praises. We were not perfect parents, we didn’t have perfect kids. But we all grew knowing we have a perfect God:)

  51. Susie says:

    I think some of the messages of feminism have been distorted – feminism is not about forcing women to put their children into care and work outside the home – feminism is about giving women agency and choice to make the decisions that are right for themselves and their families. Like another commenter said, it’s about material choices – dial down the lifestyle and stay at home with your child – feminism isn’t the culprit, it’s the rampant materialism in our culture.

  52. Todd W,
    The article I linked to has been removed. Harvard probably had it removed after they saw my exposition of their fraud.
    Yes, they did say they they did not understand what the APO-E4 did. If I, a person not educated in science, can understand it, you’d think it would be easy for the dweebs from Harvard.

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